The realities of not being able to drive - anyone else?

[LohnJ]

I failed my driving test for the 9th time yesterday and I have come to the decision that I can no longer put myself under this amount of pressure and just invest my time/effort into something else like my career. Yes I was learning in automatic so didn’t make a difference to me. Hoping driverless cars make an appearance soon!

Is anyone else in this situation? Do you not drive because of choice/don’t have a license - if so, how do you get around? Are you picky about where you live? My rental agreement is coming to an end soon so I will be looking at living somewhere with good public transport (where I live currently has an ok transport network - works for my commute). Thanks.

I'm 44 and can't drive. Over the years I've spent a fortune having hundreds of driving lessons with 3 different instructors and never even reached the stage where I was ready to take the test, so you're doing better than me, OP. I'm now resigned to the fact I'll never be a driver. I struggle with most practical things despite being academic, it's just the way my brain's wired.

My DH can drive but we don't have a car because we can't justify the expense when he can get to work in 10 minutes on the bus, I work from home and I can walk my daughter to school in 5 minutes. We do hire a car sometimes for day trips and visiting family and it feels like such a luxury.

Yes, it influences where we live - we need to be on a good bus route which means we live closer to the city centre than I'd prefer in other circumstances.

I have lived in London since my twenties so, as others have said, public transport was always there. I grew up in rural Kent, where if you didn't have your own transport, getting anywhere was difficult. I remember my father saying, when he got his pensioners' bus pass, "What fucking bus might that be, then?"

@IwanttoworkforThomasNightingale

Eight buses:
One into town to connect to a second to the school
Then back home again = 4

And then back to collect us in the afternoon.

Misunderstood, apologies!!

I don't drive, have never made much of an attempt to either. Nine tests! You poor thing. I've lived in big cities all my adult life so it's really not made a big difference to me. I do worry about when my kids are a bit older and need to be ferried to and from things, but I'll cross that bridge (probably by bike or bus or on foot) when we come to it. Cars are horrible things. Be part of a better future :-)

I just saw someone had to take 8 buses to/from school blimey where did you live 😳

Anyway op I.failed a few times I was so.embarassed and fed up I .just resigned myself to being a non driver, Dh drives but when kids were young we used public transport a lot and it was fine .the dc also learned to negotiate buses or walked places. Until they were old enough to learn to drive.

Do you like driving when you are not doing a test?

It's certainly do-able to live without a car, but it does depend on location. Cars cost a lot of money to run so, with the money saved, you can pay a bit more rent for a convenient location if necessary. There will be workarounds for most things, but you may need to earmark some of your savings from not having a car in order to be able to throw money at the workarounds.

My DH didn't learn to drive until his 50s because we lived in London so he didn't need to. We moved to Ireland and the fact that he didn't drive limited where we could live, which was a bit annoying. For some reason he really wanted to live in a village (specifically Enniskerry, where Disenchanted was filmed) and kept showing me houses there. I started pointing out kindly that we couldn't live there because he didn't drive, and ended up having to get a bit shouty before he stopped. However, you sound a bit more realistic about the limitations of a car-free life. DH did eventually learnt to drive and I have to admit it improved his life quite a lot, especially being able to do things with the DC as public transport in Dublin is pretty good for going in and out of the city centre but absolutely shite for 'sideways' journeys like taking the DC to school or the football club.

I had to surrender my driving licence last year due to a degenerative eye condition. I'm gutted and it's so limiting, even with public transport. We knew I'd eventually lose my sight so when DH and I were buying a house, we chose somewhere near a train station and on a bus route, but what I've found in the last few months is that planned for/known events are fine, it's the unforeseen life events that are a problem. For example, if DD is really ill and DH is working away, if 111 tells me to take DD to the out-of-hours/A&E at 3am, it's really difficult. Taxis are a nightmare as PPs have said - unreliable and often unavailable.

So I think it's possible that having children makes not driving a bit harder, and also maybe having the ability to drive taken away from you is harder than never having been able to do it - you don't miss what you've never had type of thing.

I'm a single parent and don't drive for medical reasons. Mostly you can choose where you live carefully, limit your choices a little bit, and manage your life fine without driving. It's limited my work choices a little. The only thing i find difficult is going on holiday -- finding accommodation etc near public transport links, and then doing nice outings is quite tough. We go camping, but it's so basic and minimal that people stare at us in campsites, as we're sitting on the ground eating cereal bars, whereas everyone else has brought the kitchen sink in their car, having a bbq round a table! Having to carry everyone on public transport also means we decided against having a dog, as i couldn't carry the stuff for the dog as well as me my DC

I don't drive. I live in a semi rural town with a thriving high street and good transport links. Everything I need is on my doorstep.

Depends why you failed. If it’s one major and a few minors each time and you’re in somewhere like London / Birmingham it’s probably worth keep going / try a different instructor / drive more outside lessons.

If you get a million majors and minors each time that’s a different story but that’s rare.

I say this as someone who is dyspraxic and passed 4th time in an auto but was learning for over 10 years before I was confident enough to book my test. For me, changing cars to a small one helped.

I don't drive because I mostly work from home. When I occasionally go into the office, or into the city for shopping etc, then it's better to get public transport as traffic is horrendous. Even people who drive take public transport.

It wouldn't be worth me paying for a car, tax, insurance etc to use once a week or so. Cheaper to get an Uber on the odd occasion that might otherwise drive.

Driving isn’t for everyone. I was always terribly anxious about driving so didn’t pass my test until I was in my 30’s. Lots of well meaning people told me the worst I could do was fail at it, but for me it wasn’t. The nerves and stress surrounding learning caused a severe psychotic episode for me. It’s not just nerves for everyone and some people truly don’t belong on the road. When you are so nervous you can’t keep the clutch under control or change gears, when you sit at a traffic light shaking like a leaf because traffic is bad and you know you have a roundabout coming up you can’t escape. I passed my test on medication because I was sick with nerves- had a really good drive/lucked out. And then when it came down to driving solo, had many near crashes because I was utterly panicked and just trying to get home as quickly as I could. I do not belong on the road, my fear is crippling and I could never live with myself having injured someone else.
It’s perfectly acceptable to not drive if it isn’t for you and no one should put pressure on others to do it. I’m convinced I wouldn’t have lost 3 years of my life to stress induced psychosis had I not been “bullied” into learning. I KNEW I had a phobia, but people kept telling me the worst that could happen is I fail my test. That’s NOT the worst that can happen.

I don't drive myself and it has made life that more challenging at times. It's not so bad now as I live in a seaside town which has everything I need and regular buses to connecting towns too but years ago we lived in the sticks and it was basically a pain in the arse. One shop town with buses not regular so it made life difficult for me and my kids. In a way it's made me even more independent and I am stubborn natured and don't like relying on my husband driving me everywhere especially as he works so hard I tend to just be a get on with it girl and just do it girl.

I don't have children so this is a bit different

I don't drive because of health related reasons. I was living in London so that was fine. Now not in London but I know the bus timetable and two taxi firms.

I think a lot of it depends on your lifestyle. If you have a lot of stuff to carry, a car is more important. Also maybe if you have a busy lifestyle.

Tbh I get a lot of comments due to having moved to a place where everyone drives but I am not finding it an issue even outside London and not near a city centre. I do live a short walk from the bus stop. I can walk to a retail park, if I buy more than I can carry then I take a cab.

Having driven and had all the associated expense and hassle, paying for a couple of short hop taxis is possibly cheaper?

As I say, a lot depends on lifestyle. But I had to stop driving quite suddenly and I learned very quickly that people will say "you need a car there" in places that are walkable and have taxi firms. If you are rural then yes, you need a car but that's it I think.

I wouldn't keep trying. Frankly there are loads of bad drivers on the road. People who say "I'm nervous" or "I can't park" are a liability on the road. If you passed a tenth time and became a driver who can only cope in particular situations, you'd stress yourself out and be a liability.

I have a licience, and a car.
I moved aboad where my licience wasn't valid (DH's was). I also didn't work. It was OK. We lived on bus routes to school and the supermarket and a shopping centre. Doing ANYTHING took a long time, but it was OK.
But oh, the freedom of moving back to the UK and having a car! I bought one the first week I was back. DH followed a month later, and thought that we could manage with one car. He bought one the first time I took the kids (and the car) to my parents for a week. Basically, the house we still owned wasn't in a great place for public transport.

So, I'd say it's totally possible but only in certain places. You need to have regular, reliable, public transport to the places you frequently use, and it needs to run after 5pm and at weekends!

I don't drive because I've never wanted to/needed to (and therefore never seen the point of spending money on lessons). I've always lived in cities and walking, biking and using public transport (and very occasionally, Uber) has always been fine. It's also MUCH cheaper! It's totally fine not to drive, OP. Most people I know don't drive.

@hopeishere same!

I missed out on so much, she could drive just chose not to. She didn't ever grasp that I was the only one who had to scrounge lifts or catch buses by myself.

As an adult, I didn't drive for years because public transport was fine but now I am older I want to choose where/when I go to places and have a variety. Couldn't do without car especially with children.

I failed my test seven times before I finally got there. My problem was I’d fail, then give up for a while. In the end I decided I’d keep going until I passed. I failed once more, but booked another lesson for the following week and kept going. We worked in the specific thing I’d failed on and I passed the next attempt.

Up until I passed though, I walked everywhere. Thought nothing of walking two hours each way to work everyday.

I don't drive. I suffer from anxiety and know I would be awful at it. I live in towns/cities near transport links, walk a lot, only apply for jobs I know I can get to easily! I've managed so far and in emergency I get a taxi.
People say they couldn't manage without a car. But you get used to it and just have to plan your life a bit more. The only downside I find is I don't see family and friends as much as I'd like, especially the ones that live rurally.

How is your driving in lessons OP? Is it the pressure of the test rather than the pressure of learning? Of course it's doable to not drive, plenty of people don't! It depends where you live as to how easy it is and how much you'll miss out on though. I'd try and move somewhere on a decent bus route but also ideally within walking distance of a train station- it's so annoying getting a train and then having to wait sometimes ages for the bus home.

I will say I do agree with a PP that if you have children I'd try and pass, my parents didn't drive and whilst of course I don't think badly of them for this, we missed out on a lot plus when I was a bit older and needed to go to appointments or whatever I had to get buses instead of being able to ask for a lift. I know parents aren't beholden by the way to drive children about, but when I moved to uni for example I had to get a train with all of my stuff (if I had my time again I'd have swallowed my pride and asked someone else though).

Belfast! Public transport is dreadful and operates on a linear basis - all routes lead to the city centre!

I have had periods of my live without a car, I passed at 18, didn’t drive uni years then got a little runaround post uni till it died on me and I legit didn’t need one day to day, for trips I would hire a car. then when I got pregnant I knew I’d need one and I did. I’ve had times car-less with kids and it’s a nightmare. Everything takes longer and as a single parent school trips, food shops, getting to go and see family / friends the list goes on, it’s necessary. I live in London so I could go without but having had tasters of it it’s not actually that cost effective given how many buses and taxis I would need to use and the “luxury” and convenience of driving never ends.

even Sans kids I was not suitable for cycling (especially in London) so I wouldn’t recommend it. With kids, forget it!

at this point I’d be keen to push on, I’d be more annoyed I never got the pass over the line as others say you must be test worthy must be nerves catching you out. Speak to your instructor about where you might be going wrong and book the next test TODAY.

Given that you don't drive at the moment, you probably already know what works and what doesn't. Maybe think a bit more about things that are tricky without a car, and about whether there are ways of making them easier.
I think if I could never drive (I have a licence but no car, so do rent one sometimes - not quite the same situation as you) I'd probably a) get an electric bike, so journeys of up to about 15 miles were completely fine under my own steam; and b) move so as to minimise any unbearable hassles. Irregular hassles are fine (you'd get them with a car too! just life!) but regular ones are worth avoiding.