The realities of not being able to drive - anyone else?

[LohnJ]

I failed my driving test for the 9th time yesterday and I have come to the decision that I can no longer put myself under this amount of pressure and just invest my time/effort into something else like my career. Yes I was learning in automatic so didn’t make a difference to me. Hoping driverless cars make an appearance soon!

Is anyone else in this situation? Do you not drive because of choice/don’t have a license - if so, how do you get around? Are you picky about where you live? My rental agreement is coming to an end soon so I will be looking at living somewhere with good public transport (where I live currently has an ok transport network - works for my commute). Thanks.

I used to be able to drive, but no longer can due to disability. I have retired now due to my health. Online grocery delivery is easy and other stuff I can order from Amazon etc. One of the most annoying things for me is not being able to take rubbish to the tip.

I do drive but I love my electric bike. You have to really commit to waterproofs if you're going to ride all year round though. I have fully waterproof panniers. My bike can't have a basket fitted - I think if I didn't have a car I would have had to get one that had room for back panniers and a front basket for transport.

If you do get one, I'd recommend one with a removable battery unless you have a shed/garage with power.

I can't drive due to visual impairment. It's annoying in my city, as the public transport isn't good. But, it's not the end of the world. I have a different skill set to friends - given time I can plan to get to most places by public transport.

However, I just spent the weekend in London and that was an eye opener - I want to live there now just for the ease of getting about!

It's possible to live a happy life without driving. You'll find some people might judge you for it, especially if you're a man, but there's nothing wrong with it

I live in a city where you don't need a car if you live and work in the city or in London as the trains are frequent and fairly quick but I like owning a car, to me there it is that sense of freedom, it allows for spontaneity that is not practical with public transport, when my DC were little I would drive them to the countryside after school to walk for a bit, take in the view and enjoy the first spring days. It was just an hour or so there is no way I would bother if getting the bus as it would have been two buses and probably didn't run past a certain time in the day, an hour of fun would have been more like 3 hours so not practical. I'm not a very organised person though so maybe if I was then it would be fine. Plus I like listening to music, having my privacy, whilst I enjoy train rides I hate buses and would rather walk!

I did learn to drive but now live in a country with excellent public transport.

The less pollution the better.

I get it though if you live in the middle of nowhere without public transport my idea of hell

I’m 36 and a non driver. I tried when I was younger but living in the area I did, I really didn’t need to as public transport is / was great. I would LOVE to drive now as it’s awful here, and it is limiting with a child, but I just can’t seem to get past 4/5 lessons. I have adhd so tend to hyper focus on the theory and then I get bored doing the practical, I never feel like it’s “me” driving and I’ve figured it’s safer not driving. For everyone.

I have never driven (took lessons, passed the theory test and never got to do the practical for various reasons). My DH drives so he does the driving when necessary but on a daily basis, I cycle everywhere (I do all of the kids’s drop-offs and pick-ups on the bike and they have been cycling since they were little). Public transport where I live is not great so I use it under duress. I just can’t imagine myself driving. The mere thought makes me anxious. I’m in my late 40’s so not sure I ever will but I’m ok with that.

DH doesn't drive, and I always have to drive DC everywhere, (activities, meet up with friends etc). Of course, we have excellent public transport (we live in Switzerland), but sometimes they just don't match up (DD would have to wait for 45 mins after swimming to get the bus on a Tuesday night, for example), or it would take our ASD DS 80 mins to get to his specialist school. A taxi is provided for him , but sometimes, (regularly) there are extra events and so it is down to yours truly to collect him and take him back. Every time someone comes to visit, I have to do airport runs.

After each delivery (C section) I had to ask someone else to drive me and the baby home. I had major surgery over the summer, and couldn't drive for 8 weeks which impacted upon the entire family.

I worry about when our kids leave home, have their own children and our old age... it will always be down to me to do the driving/late night emergencies. And quite frankly, it's exhausting to always have that responsibility. I just cancelled our half term holiday as I am exhausted and the place he wanted to go is 8 hours drive away. I just don't have the energy to do all of that, for a few days away. (As much as I really need the break!)

Some people can't or don't want to drive, and that is their choice. Of course, it is fine for you, but it will impact on those around you. If they are fine with it, then great (it didn't bother me for the first ten years of our marriage, for example) but after 21 years of marriage, 4 DC and increasingly busy lives as the DC grow, I am increasingly resentful of his unwillingness to take on some of the responsibility. Some weekends/evenings, I am purely driving.

And I don't enjoy driving, particularly. It took me 4 years and 4 attempts to pass.

A practical question - do you take your tests on manual or automatic transmission?

I passed test with manual, but I had never felt good driving, hadn't driven for ages at all, until I tried automatic transmission and it made all the difference. I can drive now totally ok.

I live in a big city with great public transport, so we don't bother owning a car, and just use taxi to airport or rent a car through car sharing app, when we want it for a weekend.

Depending on where you live and where your family lives, driving can be anything between total necessity and totaly irrelevant for your quality of life.

Change London for Melbourne and Essex for Queensland and that was me. I was literally trapped on the property where I lived, there wasn't even a footpath on that road. The one good thing about moving to Queensland was that I did finally learn to drive (in my 50s), had a good instructor, was in a country town rather than heavy traffic, and just managed to pass my test first go. If you can find (or have found, given how old this thread is) a good instructor it makes such a difference. Good luck!

I live in a place where cars are prohibited, and everyone here seems to manage just fine! Public transport is very good though, and quite cheap. Some people use golf carts to get about, though we don’t have one. I don’t think our lives would be easier if we had a car and can’t imagine where we would park it if we had to go anywhere - plus I think I would be a lot fatter if I didn’t walk as much as I do!

One thing that really strikes me, reading this thread, is the enormous amount of time parents are spending ferrying their children around to "activities" these days.

It occurs to me that we would be a lot more prosperous as a society if we all paid, collectively, for activities to take place on school premises and for the extra staff required to supervise and instruct them. Parents would be able to work more hours (if they choose) or enjoy more leisure time, and the roads would be quieter and safer, making it easier to let kids spend unstructured time by themselves after school without the fear of them being hit by cars.

I drive when I need to but have a bus stop at the end of the street and a short walk to train stations. I live in Melbourne and find that I use public transport or cycle more than I drive. When I lived in the Uk I needed my car for work visits.

That’s all very well unless your kid takes part in a team sport so needs to play other teams. Some weekends we are of course at home but we also spend a lot of weekends going all over the county to matches, he couldn’t participate without us driving.

I don't drive, so my kids just don't do that kind of activity. They do things that are on-site at school OR walkable in our area (we live very centrally) and I expect themselves to be responsible for getting themselves there and back. I personally would hate a lifestyle that consisted of facilitating my child's extra curriculars. So, I think it's important to realize that this kind of activity is a choice, not a need, and not everyone is bothered about not having the choice.

Loved reading about those of us living in Australia and getting our licences later in life! I passed my test aged 36 here in Melbourne, but over the last 14 years or so always lived near trams etc and my bf had a car, so it was only when I left him and took the dog in 2021 I had to consider driving, so I could take the dog to places with me.
I bought my first car last year at the age of 49 and have taken my dog away on holiday a number of times and it was amazing. There is no better feeling driving on the freeway listening and singing to your favourite music, or going to the supermarket and putting a weekly shop in your boot for the first time.
The only thing was when I first started driving I realised the drivers in Melbourne particularly in the area where I live are really aggressive, and I developed a driving anxiety and spent periods of time not being able to get into the car. I found a driving instructor who gave me refresher lessons and it changed my life. He taught me about defensive driving and how to always be thinking ahead to what you need to do next or potential issues to look out for (lane changes, etc). On Thursday I will pick my dad up from the airport which will be amazing as I have never been able to do that before. It's little things like that which have made such a difference to the independence and convenience in my life.
I don't use the car as often as I should because I still like to use public transport, or walk to the shops for exercise, but the positives out way the expense of owning it.

@user1477391263 Each to their own I wouldn’t want to restrict what my child’s interests were due to not driving. We absolutely love the sport they are into and the lifestyle it gives us. We have made an amazing group of friends and it has meant we have become part of a big community. We enjoy watching our child play while catching up with others then afterwards we all have lunch together back at the bar. When away it means we visit places we may have not visited and we make a day of it and choose somewhere for lunch etc. Driving has also meant we can send our child to a school that specializes in his sport giving him an opportunity to play it 5 times a week. I love going to watch him at school or driving to away matches, it is very much not just about our child, school would happily bus him there and back. I enjoy the social side and it has meant I have made a great network of friends at the school and we can cheer them on while catching up and then the school provide an afternoon tea for parents afterwards. Love my school match Wednesdays! I love being involved in my child’s life it isn’t just about giving them a lift.

Hello fellow Melburnian! waves from another big Victorian city

Yeah, I hear you on Melbourne drivers. Just dealing with them as a pedestrian in all my years there was off-putting enough. I'm very glad I don't have to go there - nothing would persuade me to drive in Melbourne (or over the Westgate, no way!).

What pleasantly surprises me is that most of the drivers in this city seem quite sensible and even polite. Decent space between cars, slow right down when it's wet, let people in if they can, and so on. I enjoy driving more than I would have expected to, apart from all the big trucks and buses!

Haha the westgate bridge!! jesus christ, I ALWAYS end up on it whenever I am in that part of the city, the lanes are soooo confusing. I now actively avoid the area completely lol!

It was bad enough going over it in a bus or someone else's car years ago (I hate heights), I never want to go near it again! 😱

My DD does a team sport that involves away games (not too frequently, once every month or two they do a tournament day somewhere) but the team encourages ride sharing so just a few parents drive and take all the children (getting petrol money from each child) so we only once last season to take DD and one teammate, all the other times she's gone in another car or the tournament was held locally. The older teams in the club hire coaches to go to away games. So still possible without driving (except for the fact that her team is based in the next town, which is a bit too far for her to bike to, so until I passed my test she usually got a lift to practice with a teammate)

I have a friend who doesn't drive. (Lives in London so excellent public transport) She loves to tell people how she doesn't need to drive. She's happy on public transport. She doesn't see why anyone bothers with driving. Etc etc. She's very proud of being a non driver. But I can't count how many times she's asked me for lifts. She needs to pick up large, heavy or awkward items. Needs to get to airport far away at 4am and can't manage 2 suitcases and small children at once. Needs to take stuff to the dump. Needs to get to a friend's house who lives somewhere less accessible via transport. I'd actually love not to drive. I hate it. But i need to, so i can do all the above things she can't manage. I once said to her well if you drove I wouldn't need to as you could give me lifts to these things. She just repeated that she doesn't need to drive as she's happy on public transport. While sitting in my car as I was taking her to the shop.....

I don't drive and it's a bit annoying. I'd like to be a confident driver, but my spacial awareness doesn't permit that! I do think you just sort your life out in a way that means you rely on a car less. It was definitely a massive factor in where we chose to live. It's harder with children because the car seat issue means that you can't just take a taxi, and they also want to go places / get invited places that aren't as accessible via public transport. I never wanted to be one of those annoying non drivers that asked for lifts but enough of DS1's friends' parents know we don't drive that he's generally offered a lift to the really out of the way places. I wfh and I'm very close to the school so I like to think I reciprocate a bit by being a useful emergency contact! But we did this like choose his swimming class because there's a completely car free cycle route to it. Luckily he's a child that loves vehicles so will quite happily sit for long journeys on trams and buses.

I can drive but haven't owned a car for 20 years as I live in London and it would be a waste of money.

It is perfectly possible to get around without a car here. The only thing is I have to plan shopping trips to make sure I buy the heaviest/most perishable items last.

If I do need a car for a trip etc . I hire one.