How the hell do I do everything now I no longer WFH

[Persuaderama]

I’m a single parent, my husband left a month before lock down so all my single parenting was done whilst, at first fully WFH and then WFH 3 days a week.

Now my employer has decided we have to be in the office 3 days a week ‘for office culture’ (don’t get me started on office culture) and I’m really struggling to keep on top of the day-to-day jobs.

I work quite a senior level role and I come home exhausted and then have to ferry to hobbies/ tidy/ cook/ wash/ do bedtime, all in the space of a few hours before I fall into bed. When I WFH I could do the little jobs throughout the day - have the dinner cooking in oven, put the bins out on a break etc etc - and I was thinking I was bossing single mum life! Not so much now…..

Plus work feels more stressful as I’m losing 2 hours a day to commute time and the noise of a busy office just isn’t conducive to working for me. So I’m getting less done.

Any tips on how to work in an office as a single parent and have an organised life outside…..

Ha - the grads in my place of work are the most vocal that they want to work from home 3 days a week. They keep complaining!

I don’t really understand why you can’t get your jobs done on Mondays and Fridays when you’re not in the office?

I’m a single parent, work in an office 3 days a week and have three times the number of children as you and it’s fine. Busy, but manageable.

What jobs do you realistically have to do?

I have a cleaner once a week and put a wash on when I’m at home 2 or 3 times a week. Obviously there’s bins etc but that’s only once a week and takes a minute.

I’m not being goady, just genuinely puzzled!

One, unpaid, 20 min break if you work more than 6 hours.

One, unpaid, 20 min break if you work more than 6 hours.
Some workplaces actually do more than the legal minimum though.

Not everywhere is a rush to the bottom.

Can you look for another job that's remote?

I organise my week differently. Those days in the office I know I am less 'productive' but I gain value in off the cuff conversations, people being able to walk up and talk to me to chat about an issue (and vice versa) and in person meetings. I save detailed, head down work for WFH days.

At home I use break and some lunchtime to put out bins, put on washing, load the tumble dryer etc. I still get all my work done or I'd soon know about it!

My worst time is when I first get in after work and I'm in an energy slump. So I try to make that as easy as possible. Get kid into their room, get them changed, onto homework/music practice/watching telly/whatever is appropriate. I get into kitchen, music on, get a coffee/tea/gin and tonic and then get something on to cook. While it's cooking I put a clothes wash on and empty the dishwasher.
Later at night prep the food for tomorrow so it is all ready to cook when you get in. Last night I chopped up a whole load of veg and chicken strips ready to stir fry. Make packed lunches. Lay out yours and kid's clothes for the morning.

You've got this! xx

I feel for you OP. I'm a solo parent. Previously used to commute 90min each way on office days.

I found it absolutely exhausting and mentally draining to do more days in the office, not to mention cost-prohibitive with the increase in the cost of living/mortgage rates.

I ended up leaving a job I loved for 10 years to move to a fully remote role. Best thing I did.

Don't write off seeking a new role. The job market is buoyant at the moment.

How open can you be about your home life with your employer? I flat out told my previous manager that I was struggling with coming into the office and solo parenting and running myself into the ground. I fainted on the train on several occasions and was generally looking shit (although always performed well at work). In the end I was given six months with only one day in the office each week. The breathing space helped but I still ended up leaving.

In the meantime, put in a flexible working request.

Meal plan and meal prep.

See if there is school clubs/childminder/nanny to take care of your child before/after school and do dinner (my childminder was my lifeline).

Have a routine for laundry/cleaning etc.

Do food shopping online.

Don't pressure yourself to keep up with swimming/clubs/dance/sports etc etc etc. Just do the one your child loves most.

You've got this!

Indeed. But the other poster was referring to breaks allowed by law. That’s the law.

My productivity went up soooo much when WFH because of that whole work life balance you mention that when I'm required to go into the office it's not sustainable and effectively a "write off".....I made it clear to my boss that I'm way more productive WFH to manage expectations.

Wow! Poster questions other poster and poster responds reasonably!😄 Yes I can understand what you were saying. Thanks for the nice reply 😊

Fight to wfh more maybe , try and negotiate . I started wfh after a promotion to a senior role just before covid came along ( 5 months ) and can truly emphasise with you struggling now . The of times I was in the office I was a lot less productive too so it’s a loss loss

Pretty much my whole team is under 30 and I struggle to get them into the office once every 3 months. They all have home worker contracts (as do I) and we run regular teams catch ups including more "fun" stuff so we all gel and blend etc.

Yeah, I think you have to switch from “oh no I have to do three consecutive days in the office!” to “I don’t have to go anywhere for 4 days in a row”.

Load your 4 days with prep for the other 3 days. Laundry, housekeeping, cooking, outsourcing as much as possible. Get as much of it done in your 4 days as you possibly can. Do stuff before you leave the house in the morning etc. You have only one child and she’s at school / out of nappies / off naps and can understand stuff. You can manage.

I haven't read the full thread but I'm sure once you get used to a new routine you'll be fine.

Some tips:
Food wise, if your oven can be set to turn on and off with the timer then Jacket potatoes are an easy thing to have ready quickly. Also batch cook things like bolognaise, curry, soup etc that you can defrost and have ready quickly on week nights. Slow cookers are OK but I find that you still have to prep lots in the morning and if it's on all day it turns to mush.

Put washing on in the evening, hang out on a rack in the morning while the kettle boils. Fold and put away at dc's bath time.

Get a food shop delivered on your day off before the 3 days in the office.

I work compressed hours over 4 days and 2 of those days I work 2 hours overtime. I also work on a Saturday morning. So basically 45+hour week.

House gets cleaned once a week, laundry loads done over Sat and Sunday. Ironing on a Monday. Kitchen cleaned while cooking. Batch cook dishes and shove in freezer.

Admin as and when. Ferrying child about to his activities in between it all. Dog walked before I go to work and my lunch break is spent running home to let the dog out.

You can tell why I’m single 😂😂

I work from home and if I don’t actively clean my teeth the second I open my eyes I am straight on the laptop and it will genuinely be another 10 hours or so before I stop and I’ve slipped into self neglect. I manage loo stops with camera and mic off. I have never worked so hard.
I am in genuine awe of people who work from home and put washing on, pick up kids and go for runs. I wish I understood how that can be done!

Meal plan on your commute: I use Paprika which stores online recipes and saves weekly plans and do it from my phone. That way you have a repository of recipes to pull from rather than having a mind melt trying to figure out what to do. Works when reception is bad/non-existent too.

Where possible, buy online where you can buy things across your family/life, not just single product type places. E.g. get tights in your grocery shop, get clothes for DC and you from the same place, buy birthday present, wrap, cards and candles together. May not work if money is tight as you pay for the convenience but sometimes worth the time saving.

Give up on perfection. I say this as someone who is pathologically house proud and I've had to learn to unsee everything until I have the energy to deal with it.

@Persuaderama Of course the 'grads' are pushing to wfh when their senior managers are not coming into the office.

I use my headphones in the office (can get noise cancelling ones but I find that normal over the ear headphones block enough sound). Or if someone is being loud on a teams call direct them to the area for such calls (people need reminding). If you don't have booths /pods etc for teams calls and proper "break out" spaces where people can go to talk suggest to leadership that the office is reconfigured so that there are decent places to take calls and have meetings, also creating quiet zones to allow people to work in the most productive environment for them.

I doubt your graduates are getting the best initiation into working life if WFH frequently. It's not so much that they do or don't want to be in the office as it is good for them to see and interact regularly and casually as well as on teams calls with people such as yourself.

At home firstly reduce in week activities and if you must keep up a punishing schedule then do it via school (music lessons, sport clubs etc) or at the weekend (my friends variously do swimming martial arts sports dance and drama school at weekends). With one 6 yo there can't be many activities at all. Maybe started swimming and rainbows but even that is unnecessary at 6.

There's 2 of you right? How much shopping cooking laundry and cleaning is that really? I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but I would have a much cleaner house and less cooking if there were only 2 of us.

Cleaner if you can afford it. Mine is ill ATM and my house is rarely clean all at the same time. It encourages you to keep the place tidy as well. Schedule them for Monday morning so you can Tidy up Sunday and then you're all out most of the week so you just keep on top of kitchen and bathroom for shiny clean house all week and only starts to get messed up by the weekend.

Cook and freeze so you always have home cooked meals but don't need effort on your WFO days. A shepherd's pie is 6 to 8 portions so make once, I'd eat twice during the week and then freeze in portions so that's another 1 or 2 meals sorted. Take out to defrost as you are on way out.

Other good freezer meals are curry (mix with lots of yoghurt for 6yo) soups chilli and bolognaise (cook rice/ pasta fresh).

I do a weekend roast or pie or something elaborate and then use up leftovers in the week. Roast chicken can be reheated with gravy for a fuss free roast mark 2 or sliced and put in wraps with salad and guacamole, my last scraps go in a sturdy fry or fried rice.

Does you 6yo take packed lunch? I make sarnies and freeze them (without salad!) Then I don't have to make every night. I also buy snacks that don't require making sandwiches such as sushi, mini hummus pots (or decant hummus into pots) but often I splurge on expensive and individually wrapped lunch things to make life easy. Like I buy the mini soreen but if I can't get them then I get a malt loaf, slice and butter it and rewrap each slice, put the lot in the fridge then put a slice a day in lunchbox.

I was wfh way before covid 1 or two days a week. If I put the washing on it didn't take any more time the going to the loo and then making a brew, which is faster at home as no queue for the coffee machine ( no kettle) snd then chatting to a colleague. I was more productive at home because I was to scared to be away from my laptop. If you disappeared in the office for a hour no one would blink. You still have targets to meet.
Op do as much as you can in the morning and as someone who has four kids, lower your standards. It's the only real answer I had

I work 9 or 10 hours when WFH, 6 hours in the office because my commute is rubbish, nearly double so office days are very long an not as productive. Public transport is simply not as reliable as it was pre-COVID.

I have had a reasonable adjustment to WFH for about 10 years amd was self employed before that. Two days in the office seems like a good compromise.

Lazy people will find a way to waste time regardless of where their work is located. We have lost a lot of people and workload has increased.

Going back onto the office does not improve culture. I spend my office days on Teams talking to colleagues across the country.

Things that work for me is planning and routine.

I meal plan and batch cook something different every weekend for the freezer. I'm bored of bolognese, curry, stew and cottage pie. I make new things at the weekend to try and expand the plan. I listen to free audio books on Borrow Box at the same time for the win.

Roast dinner lasts two days. I make homemade pork burgers from a Hello Fresh recipe but double it and freeze half. Beans on toast for one of the nights. I have cereal when I get in.

I have two shopping lists for the meal plan. One for Aldi and and online one for Tesco.

Laundry is a pita because I am not using the dryer now. I wash a load at night and hang it on a rack in the conservatory. We have started wearing clothes more than once. I was wearing an outfit and washing it after 8 hours. Totally unnecessary.

Oh yes, an hours commute is not much each way. Mine is 45 mins if which 15 mins is public transport. Are you driving? If not that's your time to sort life admin. Book your holidays, buy stuff you need, curate your online food shop, Book theatre tickets, plan things with friends and family or catch up on a podcast. Or get ahead on work emails if you're finding WFO less productive. I can't believe that you can't use that time. It's not wasted.

I work 9 or 10 hours when WFH, 6 hours in the office because my commute is rubbish, nearly double so office days are very long an not as productive. Public transport is simply not as reliable as it was pre-COVID.

I have had a reasonable adjustment to WFH for about 10 years amd was self employed before that. Two days in the office seems like a good compromise.

Lazy people will find a way to waste time regardless of where their work is located. We have lost a lot of people and workload has increased.

Going back onto the office does not improve culture. I spend my office days on Teams talking to colleagues across the country.

Things that work for me is planning and routine.

I meal plan and batch cook something different every weekend for the freezer. I'm bored of bolognese, curry, stew and cottage pie. I make new things at the weekend to try and expand the plan. I listen to free audio books on Borrow Box at the same time for the win.

Roast dinner lasts two days. I make homemade pork burgers from a Hello Fresh recipe but double it and freeze half. Beans on toast for one of the nights. I have cereal when I get in.

I have two shopping lists for the meal plan. One for Aldi and and online one for Tesco.

Laundry is a pita because I am not using the dryer now. I wash a load at night and hang it on a rack in the conservatory. We have started wearing clothes more than once. I was wearing an outfit and washing it after 8 hours. Totally unnecessary.

I work from the office through choice, but work with a number of remote/flexible workers. It’s abundantly clear to me who is grafting and who is taking the piss when wfh. Obviously you can do stuff like put the bins out, do a load of washing while you’re waiting for the kettle to boil, prep dinner in your lunch hour. But I’ve worked with people who simply go awol for hours and are completely uncontactable - “Oh it was such a lovely day that I saddled up the horse and went for a three hour hack, so good for my mental health”. And those who are “working from home” with a tired toddler screaming in the background, while those with a better work ethic, whether they are wfh or in the office pick up the slack. I also think it’s harder to skive off in the office particularly if you’re working in an open plan office.