How the hell do I do everything now I no longer WFH

[Persuaderama]

I’m a single parent, my husband left a month before lock down so all my single parenting was done whilst, at first fully WFH and then WFH 3 days a week.

Now my employer has decided we have to be in the office 3 days a week ‘for office culture’ (don’t get me started on office culture) and I’m really struggling to keep on top of the day-to-day jobs.

I work quite a senior level role and I come home exhausted and then have to ferry to hobbies/ tidy/ cook/ wash/ do bedtime, all in the space of a few hours before I fall into bed. When I WFH I could do the little jobs throughout the day - have the dinner cooking in oven, put the bins out on a break etc etc - and I was thinking I was bossing single mum life! Not so much now…..

Plus work feels more stressful as I’m losing 2 hours a day to commute time and the noise of a busy office just isn’t conducive to working for me. So I’m getting less done.

Any tips on how to work in an office as a single parent and have an organised life outside…..

The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept it, I think. If you continue to mentally fight something that is not within your power to change (beyond changing jobs and let's say that's also not within your power right now) you might end up stressed and burnt out. So you need a mental attitude shift.

Try to frame it in a different way. What are the good things about being in the office 3 days a week? What are the things you really struggle to get done and solve one or two of them to make things a little easier.

😂You reckon people who work exclusively in offices never take breaks throughout they day?

How long do you think it takes to eg hang some laundry on the line? Doing tiny chores like that is also great for refocusing & refreshing.

OP didn't describe any popping.

It takes less time to do a basic chore like empty the dishwasher than many office-based staff take in 'water cooler moments'.

This is so true. I was in the office early this week and have many deadlines with legal timelines attached to them, I went to get a coffee from the kitchen which is not near my office and got stopped once about an issue that zero to do with me. In the kitchen I was asked a compliance question which they thought related to my job, it didn't and then someone was telling me for a good 10 minutes about their Easter break. I then walked back and got on with my morning. Total of about 15 minutes, if I did put a laundry load in the washing machine it would take about a minute! I wouldn't put it out until lunch. The work I need to get done as opposed to the work colleagues asked me about but wasn't my area of work was in the office scenario delayed by 14 more minutes then when I get a coffee at home.

MN seems to contain a breed of worker who neither participates in nor even notices the existence of any time wasting behaviour in offices.

I work 5 days a week long hours as a single mum - 2 children- no family support. My eldest is in a pre professional dance programme so I taxi around to after school classes 6 days a week term time. My job also means I have to bring work hone evenings and weekends. The only way to survive is to be very organised. I meal plan and use my sloe cooker (goes on at 6am) about 4 times a week.i batch cook meals to freeze and reheat . I prep everything the night before, lunch boxes. Clothes hung out with everything needed. Bags packed by front door . Laundry goes on early mornings too. Children have set chores too. House isn't as clean as it could be but it is what it is. I get up early to get stuff done

The government announced a few months ago that all employees now have the legal right to request flexible working. The employer has to consider requests in a reasonable manner and provide the business reason in writing as to why they aren’t able to offer it in this specific case. If you say that it is a statutory request you might get more traction?

Working full time and commuting was always tiring, we just didn’t realise until we got to stop for a bit because of covid.

Plus average wages have stagnated so it feels even worse as we cannot afford to buy back time via cleaners etc.

OP, I would try something like the organised mum method for housework - even better are the “rock the housework” clean alongs which you can subscribe to. It’s what I do when we don’t have a cleaner.

Also little things like getting a decent nights sleep and getting up earlier, even by 15 mins, to have a bit of time. If your dd sleeps you can snatch some time in peace.

Use the commute for daily admin if it’s a train journey.

Use work lunch breaks if you can for walks etc.

I would look for another job if you can. One with a bit more flexibility that allows you to pick and choose days. And if you would afford part time (if the trade off in terms of commute costs) is worth it - so 4 days for example? That one day makes the difference.

Good luck OP. We forget just how tough it was before covid and I don’t know why people think we should just fucking put up with it.

^This

Many of my team smoke so are always popping out for a cigarette every hour. Plus cups of tea. Plus a bit of chat. Etc etc. plus I’m sure they browse on their phones etc. we all do it! Being in the office is a social exercise but not about being more productive.

It hasn't kept up with the cost of living either. Although it's better than public sector pay which has suffered from pay freezes/low pay rises, pay hasn't gone up as much as you would expect over the last twenty/thirty years. Minimum wage is better than it was, a lot of junior level jobs aren't much higher, when they would have been twenty years ago.

That's been around for a long time now. Employers will always find a "business reason" if they don't want to do it.

I love the "if you were really working you'd never have a moment free" comments! I have a senior wfh job that has been wfh for nearly 15 years now. I have my own office at home and my DD is in school (and well used to not appearing on camera or interupting calls when she is home!) My noise cancelling headphones mean that you don't have to listen to my background noise.

My day starts at 6 - 7am when I log on briefly to check the overnight emails and new meeting invites and reschedule or reply to anything involving my Asia colleagues. It's also the time slot I have for APAC meetings if needed. 7 - 9 is kid breakfast and dog walk. I then work 9 - 5 with roughly 5hours of calls, breaks to do laundry, dishes etc.. I spend time with DD 5 - 8 and then I take US meetings 8 - 10 as needed. This means sometimes I do 5 mins of work at 6am and a 9 - 5 day and some days I do an hour early, 2 later and a shorter (or sometimes the full 9 - 5) in the middle. I can only work this way because I am at home. I don't do a job that lends itself well to office based and plenty of other folks don't either.

You're clearly a very capable woman or you wouldn't be in a senior position. You are being asked to increase from 2 to 3 days a week in the office. You have one child.

I think it's the concern about change that is likely the biggest issue here. I won't add to the 10+ pages on the virtues of meal planning, but I'd advise you just to keep this in perspective. It's not a race to the bottom of course, but your set up doesn't sound too terribly onerous to be honest. Just needs a change of mindset.

I have three kids aged from 8-15. Three different schools, different start and end times. I'm not a single parent but during the week I'd say I carry 90% of the domestic load. I also work FT. Two people cannot generate that much laundry, surely 😀.

You will be fine!

I agree with all the posters about ask for a different pattern.

But also have faith, you will 'upskill' and learn to do it. Just as when you had a baby you learnt then. Then you were single parent, you learnt then.
Hard things do become easier with time because you get better at them . It's hard to name what those skills are but they are there. Read 'what mother's do' it's a great book

It is bloody hard being single parent though. I feel you!

I have a few shortcuts I do to manage single parenting with chronic health problem.

Have a large stick of paper plates and use these every Friday or whenever I just need one less thing to do.
We always have pizza in front of telly on Fridays ( and a g'n't)
There is soup for supper at least once a week ( my mother believes soup is strictly lunch, I say it's healthy and easy and I can make loads in one go) .
I bought soupercubes from Lakeland and have big stash of single portion healthy meals in freezer.
We don't do clubs in the week. . Got a hamster and trampoline instead ( although my daughter isn't really well enough clubs so may not be for you)
Milkman, veg box, supermarket delivery, bulk orders on dry goods once in a blue moon.
I don't change bedsheets very often ( it hurts me)
I don't bathe the children more than twice a week, and try to make one of these a quick shower.
I don't shower very often!! I have fatigue so just cut back, it's fine, I don't smell!
My bedroom is my sanctuary, I keep it nice with heated blanket, essential oil diffuser etc so that going to bed feels like 'self care' so I don't resist going to bed when I really need to.
I meditate... ..

Best of luck 😘

I get you , 6 months ago my child left home ,
prior to that 2 years ago kicked my partner out
( cheating liar fraudster )
now every thing is done properly , but getting life ,businesses back on track is big.
my realisation is only thing he did
was pick up dog poo
and put out the bins !!
and the occasional school run .
now I am on it , some how cook once eat twice
oh and ironing nope
but it’s sooooo much better,
find joy in doing all you do it gets better
honstley