How the hell do I do everything now I no longer WFH

[Persuaderama]

I’m a single parent, my husband left a month before lock down so all my single parenting was done whilst, at first fully WFH and then WFH 3 days a week.

Now my employer has decided we have to be in the office 3 days a week ‘for office culture’ (don’t get me started on office culture) and I’m really struggling to keep on top of the day-to-day jobs.

I work quite a senior level role and I come home exhausted and then have to ferry to hobbies/ tidy/ cook/ wash/ do bedtime, all in the space of a few hours before I fall into bed. When I WFH I could do the little jobs throughout the day - have the dinner cooking in oven, put the bins out on a break etc etc - and I was thinking I was bossing single mum life! Not so much now…..

Plus work feels more stressful as I’m losing 2 hours a day to commute time and the noise of a busy office just isn’t conducive to working for me. So I’m getting less done.

Any tips on how to work in an office as a single parent and have an organised life outside…..

Thank you for everyone giving practical help, it’s much appreciated

On a Sunday make dinner for tues and wed, or at best prepare it (tray bake, spag bol) then on Monday do a meal you can have on thursday too.

Washing wise, a wash a day…. if u can - put it on a timer so it’s done early, so you can hang up before work.

And that’s all I have….

@persuaderama your company sounds identical to mine.... except we can choose our WFH days.

I do compressed hours and 2 days a week in the office - which are long days obvs (and single mum of 6yo and 3yo)

Things I do are: to do VERY basic tea on office days (think scrambled egg on toast, frozen jacket potato and beans, tuna salad....).

Every scrap of laundry imaginable on the wfh days / weekend - even if it means doing a half-load- so if no washing gets done for 3 days its fine (just!)

Meal plan (even for the basic tea!) so that NO brain power is required of me at that point in the day.

Have a cleaner once a fortnight which forces me and the kids to make sure we keep the house pretty tidy (thats almost as valuable as the actual cleaning!)

I do some house admin on the train (food delivery order etc) / during lunch hour.

Even with that, once the kids are in bed i do another hour of SOMETHING every evening, varying combinations of quick tidy, shower and dry hair, fold and put away laundry... and sit down for 10pm (to doom scroll instagram 🤷🏼‍♀️).

Hi OP. I'm in a very similar situation- single parent, 2 kids (primary school age) plus dog. I work in a fairly senior role, in the office 3 days a week, 1h15min commute each way. My solution is a live in au pair. She does the school run, walks the dog, and gets dinner started. Also does the kids' laundry. She still has time to go to language school during the day and all her evenings are free (as I never go out 😁). I also have a cleaner once a week. Bit of a luxury but I'm very time poor.

So you have to plan for Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Look at the hobbies that day, reduce the extra mucking about.
Do beans on toast, oven food and a left overs night.

I was full of sympathy, then I realised you only have 1 six year old. Honestly, it's not that bad.

Agree! I barely have time to go to the toilet at work..

How many days are your children with your ex dh?

We don’t do it in working hours! We’re doing household stuff in the 2+ hours we would be commuting, and our lunch breaks etc.

You really will be fine. I’m a widowed parent working in the office Tues-Thurs and from home Mon and Fri and find the balance is about right.

Racing to the bottom out of jealousy?

I’m not a single parent OP, but I recently went from a 2day in the office job to a 3 day in the office job- it’s not as bad as I thought. It’s kind of like having children- before it happens you can’t believe you will find the time for everything but you do, it’s just a new normal.

as for the wfh venom- quite frankly couldn’t give a damn. When I started working it was 9-5, then 9-5.30, then 8-6 - and then they gave you a work phone so you could work out of hours. Covid and wfh has given office workers a little bit of balance back- damn right I want to embrace it for as long as possible!

The only thing I'd add is developing a support network so that someone can help if you get stuck on the commute home and you can reciprocate on other days.

No way in hell I would swap, working in an office. I work with children 1-3 year old, and I rarely get to sit down but I’ve also sort of developed 8 arms and 2 pair of eyes. 😂 Not much stresses me out anymore, and I’m a good planner. Batch cooking and ALWAYS tidy as you go is my tip.

It sounds to me as if you're being a GF, listing all the stuff that you can get done while you're "working" from home.

I don't say this from the pov of envy, btw, as I have been a SAHM for over 20 years (my choice) and my children are now adults.

Why would I be envious of people WFH if all these jobs such as prepping dinner, taking the bins out, walking the dog, cleaning...are done in breaks and lunchtimes.

Do you have a cleaner? If not get one (you say you have a senior job so should be affordable) - they can come on the day your bins are due out and have that as one of their jobs, plus they can change beds etc.

@Isthisexpected I’ll add that I work in a Scandinavian country with our nursery basically in the forest..I get to be outdoors in the fresh air for at least 5 hr a day. It’s lovely. Working in an office does not make my colleagues or I jealous, even though my job is stressful, I can not imagine swapping. 😊

I think you'll manage. It will just be a change. Obviously tues yo thurs you'll do less cleaning but you'll still have some time Monday and Friday (plus weekends). You could batch cook a bit so you have meals sorted for Tuesday to Thursday. I think we all just got used to working from home. We have to go in two days a week but get to choose the days. Also in a senior role.

I think it is helpful to be in the office but I think maybe 2 days would be a compromise?

otherwise there may well be someone to let you work in the office only 2 days.

It's so lazy to spring "you must be jealous" from the deck.

Posters aren't "jealous" in this case. They're reasonably pointing out that 3 days in-office isn't unreasonable, given the organisation has made a reasonable request.

The OP has a single 6 year old, and 4 days out of office. That's a pretty easy balance compared to 5 days in-office/workplace.

I will say I'm not jealous so much as utterly fucked off when speaking to a clearly WFH person and you can hear their sodding washing machine going, dog barking and they're clearly not at a desk but speaking via shit quality headsets.

My actual advice is to simply be more organised and on the in-office days bung an easy dinner in. How long do bins take? How much washing can one adult and a six year old possibly create? In other words do what millions of single parents do and get your shot together.

Harsh perhaps, but not jealous.

You can do this op.

One child and you can't make that much mess can you?

I have 3 kids and rarely WFH in my senior job. It all gets done. Life isn't perfect but there you go

Similar here, single parent to a 4yo and struggled being back in the office. I’ve found I’m really stressed on the nursery run on office days and bring it into the office with me so I’m making a concerted effort to try and get on top of things and be less harassed.

i made some cuts to other things and got a cleaner for 2 hours every other week, she helps do a deeper clean of the bathroom, kitchen, stairs etc Then I just have to do wipe throughs and minimal cleaning in between. I have a pet so still need to hoover frequently so I invested in a robot hoover and set that to go in the morning

laundry gets done on the weekend or working from home day. I don’t iron anything! I’ve actually stopped being less fussy about the house mess, it’s not dirty and tbh no one is visiting so does it matter if the beds weren’t made today or that pile of laundry waits until tomorrow to put away.

I get my breakfast and lunch prepped the night before, if I’m really organised I do a few so I don’t have a think about it for the rest of the week. Bulk cooking also helps with food for evening meals.

DC’s meals are pretty simple on office days, tonight was hummus, pitta, cucumber and pepper annd an yoghurt and if she was still hungry she’ll have a weetabix before bed. But other wise omelet and chips, beans on toast, egg fried rice or pasta with cheese are our quick meal go tos.

I think some of it is the mindset, it’s the whole change of routine again, finding a new sense of self and tbh being in the office with all the noise and people is exhausting, I keep reminding myself I used to do this 5 days a week with a 1 year old who didn’t sleep and somehow managed…we just need to find our mojo again.

People who wfh just cannot see the piss taking they do…wfh while doing housework, washing, cooking dinner, childcare, then moan when then told they need to get back in the office. How do they think people who can’t wfh manage…nurses, doctors, police etc etc !
I'd rather spend my 15 minute break in my kitchen where I can make a coffee, put a load of washing on, and go back to my desk, then at lunch time (on my break) hang the washing out, prep dinner, and then get back to my desk, than have the same amount of break time but be stuck in the vicinity of an office block knowing I have the tasks to do when I get in.

I can't work from home in my current role, but some people are very miserable. Does it really matter that one person gets to spend 45 minutes a day doing something useful for their household just because someone else pretends that they're super busy and hard working for having their 45 minutes break in a work building?

@Vitriolinsanity 🙌🏻

I'm staying in a company known for paying below industry standard because its fully remote and has flexitime. As a single mum it's life changing. I agree with posters suggesting you look for another job, one that's atleast hybrid.

By reading on MN it seems like most single mums in the UK do not have any help at all from their children’s fathers. Why is this? Obviously there are always circumstances, but still odd to me. Not all men can be losers and not want to see their children at least 50% of the week..?