How the hell do I do everything now I no longer WFH

[Persuaderama]

I’m a single parent, my husband left a month before lock down so all my single parenting was done whilst, at first fully WFH and then WFH 3 days a week.

Now my employer has decided we have to be in the office 3 days a week ‘for office culture’ (don’t get me started on office culture) and I’m really struggling to keep on top of the day-to-day jobs.

I work quite a senior level role and I come home exhausted and then have to ferry to hobbies/ tidy/ cook/ wash/ do bedtime, all in the space of a few hours before I fall into bed. When I WFH I could do the little jobs throughout the day - have the dinner cooking in oven, put the bins out on a break etc etc - and I was thinking I was bossing single mum life! Not so much now…..

Plus work feels more stressful as I’m losing 2 hours a day to commute time and the noise of a busy office just isn’t conducive to working for me. So I’m getting less done.

Any tips on how to work in an office as a single parent and have an organised life outside…..

I've stayed in a senior job I don't love simply because I WFH except when travelling for meetings etc. if you're senior OP I'd push for either choosing your 3 days or 2 days in the office.

Your job sounds like a nightmare and I cannot understand why anyone would put up with this.

You do realise you’re a human being?

I did this when I worked from home too. It was horrible.

Lots of good advice.

As someone who is also senior and solo with kids, I really would urge you to look at paid solutions to this, if you can. I had a friend looking to earn a bit extra who used to come to mine at after lunch on a Wednesday, change the kids' beds, put on the washing and maybe fold what was hung out, prep a double serving of dinner (that she or I had sorted a recipe for in advance and I'd shopped for), tidy the kitchen then pick up the kids and play at the park / supervise homework, then come home, put the dinner in the oven and once I'd arrived she'd eat with us or leave depending on her plans, and I'd put the extras in the freezer for another night. It was an actual dream!

Sadly it's not currently a financial option for me, but given the choice I'd pick it over a family holiday while the kids are young, it made their life and mine so much more relaxed. There are plenty of people who'd happily take this job, it could work out well all round for a student or an older women with teenage or grown up children, childcare.co.uk has lots.

Can you use your commute effectively? Shopping/ meal planning/ paying schools clubs, writing key calendar events etc

It’s jealousy

You talking about the first 2 things as if they're a waste of time. In my experience, in busy workplaces, most people haven't got time to stand around waiting for the kettle to boil or to queue for the printer. People are more efficient, go and switch the kettle on, then go and open some post, file some papers for a minute or two while waiting for it to boil. Then they pour their tea or coffee, take it back to their desk and carry on working. If the printer is busy they go off and do some other task instead till a quieter period. I just can't imagine all that wasted time happening in many busy workplaces, waiting for things to happen. So the idea of a WFH person going off and doing various domestic tasks through the day to break up the day as if it was still the first 3 weeks of full on lockdown just seems an alien concept to me.

Even if you've got a more laidback workplace, most conversations at work while waiting for kettle to boil etc are about work things eg asking someone how their project/new role is going or what someone thinks about the plan for x/y/z. All those little incidental convos with colleagues help you understand each other's role/function in the organisation/hear about a possible new opportunity coming up with another team etc etc. You learn from each other. You get to know people's family situations so that if someone rings in with a family emergency you already are expecting it because you've been hearing for weeks at 2 minute photocopier chats how their elderly parent has been in hospital seriously ill. You don't mind giving them a hand with something if they're getting behind because you know they've got it difficult at home at the moment.

You're far too much in your own little bubble working from home, you miss out on all that if you just do domestic non-work related stuff like put a load of washing in or take the bins out. It's exactly the same as someone in the office not talking to anyone else at all while they make a brew, or just sticking their head in a book or their phone while on their lunch break and ignoring everyone else. It just feels like they're wanting to do their own thing and not being a proper part of the team really.

I think that most WFH has contributed to very inefficient working practices and a much poorer experience for customers. There are lot of people getting away with not really pulling their weight as there is no proper way to keep tabs on how people use their time.

That in effect will mean the OP is taking a sort of pay cut though doesn’t it? Simply for the sake of ‘office culture’. And don’t forget the added cost of petrol / train fares as well. Honestly OP your employer needs to get with the times. Things have moved on a lot since Covid. People can often be as productive at home as they are in the office. It sounds like your employer doesn’t trust their employees or is family friendly to me. There are employers out there who are more flexible. In your shoes I would honestly look for another job. The last time I went in the office I had to listen to people bickering and hardly got any work done because going into the office is now seen as a social event and some people want to talk non stop when I just want to get on with my work uninterrupted.

You need to plan ahead. We all had to do it pre-Covid. I used to work five days a week in an office, had a commute, dropped three kids off in 1/2 different locations in the morning and picked them up in the evening, then the evening activities five days a week. I think people have lost their coping skills.

What part is your (useless) ex playing?

Hilarious!!!!

Why bother hoovering and changing sheets in the working week?
I'd do it in the weekend. Baths can be replaced with quick showers, do "mid week" 20 mins type meals - plenty of ideas online or cookbooks.

Just a point on the view that people are cheeky doing jobs when wfh.

weirdly when I put a wash on while I’m at home (5 mins) I don’t then sit and watch it so it’s stuff for 2 hours, so it’s hardly having an impact on my productivity. I’m also frequently online earlier and later in my day than I would be commuting in.

today I chatted in the office for 30 minutes about cats. Is that considered more worthy? I work in banking rather than a cat rescue centre if that makes a difference.

God knows how I managed to work full time 5 days a week , commute and still manage to keep bins under control and everyone fed. I do understand why it suits many women with families a lot more but it does get a bit galling that I can't get replies to stuff from colleagues in daytime who then busily post updates on their 10k runs , clearly in the week, in the day - I do think flexibility is good but within reason - one person I know was running a quite busy business she had set up as well as taking a full time salary but doing around 2 hours a day at it- she was quite open about it too - I was just a bit gobsmacked

If you can afford it, hire a cleaner. Honestly, it would make such a difference to your life.

Being a single parent (working outside the home) for me was easier if I woke an hour before the children to put on a load of washing, lay out breakfast, empty the dishwasher so the breakfast pots could go straight in, dust a room, shower and get ready for work.

Then on return to home, ( presuming that kids spellings etc done at after school club ( if not do them straight after dinner as you are stacking dishwasher), cuddle and 20 minutes catch up on everyone's day as dinner heats in oven. Then meal, then baths, stories, bed, or dancing in kitchen/games etc depending on age. Before you sit down hang up the washing you put in before work, make sure kitchen surfaces are clear and clean, fold up snd sort yesterday's laundry. Sit, call a friend, study, hobby etc. before bed clean loo and basin.

Next morning same again but dust a different room. On Saturday morning vacuum throughout and do floors, bath and shower.

Cleaner to come in monthly for skirtings, windows, light fittings and oven.

Sunday morning prep meals for the week into fridge or freezer.
It sounds more complicated than it was: basically be ruthless with compartmentalisation so you have more time for the important stuff. I don't iron: if it was important to me I'd have outsourced it etc etc. concentrate your efforts on streamlining the repetitive tasks so you have time for your priorities.

Working from home is a Skivers Charter. If I was an employer I wouldn't allow it at all.

There's clearly a reason why you're not an employer lol!

One of my favourite time saving tips is that I have a 3 compartment laundry basket. Darks, lights and special care items. So all the laundry is pre sorted and ready to go. Each compartment holds the right amount of clothes for a wash. I scoop the wash out of the compartment straight into the trug I use to take it outside to the washing machine (it lives in an outhouse) and from there to the garden. After dinner my little one gets time with a tablet while I load the dishwasher and put it on, clean the kitchen and then take in the previous washing and either hang it up indoors to finish off or fold and put it away. Then I scoop out the next load and pop it on if one needs doing. I am utterly dreadful at getting outside with a washing if I have to take the time to sort through it all at bedtime. Then it is teeth, bath if required and upstairs for pyjamas and stories for my little one. The dishwasher can then get unloaded before bed and any overflow loaded in. I get up at 5.30am (I leave for work at 7) and hang out the washing in my pjs, then grab a shower and get myself dressed. Then I bring the little one down to wake up slowly with a cuddle while I have a coffee, quick breakfast for everyone and we are on the road for 7 with the dishwasher reloaded and on if required. I sweep under the table after meals. I make big pots of soup and pasta sauces and freeze those in portions for busier days. I work in a lab 5 days a week and obviously WFH is just not an option. If we are out of home cooked options then beans on toast or pasta pesto it is. The big house clean happens either Friday evening or Saturday morning and I often use the thought of reducing it to motivate me to do extras like cleaning the bathroom, dusting a room etc during my post dinner dash around during the week. Also your DD is now if an age to make simple dinners like an omelette/scrambled egg, homemade flatbread and salad/chopping veg for a pasta sauce along with you in the kitchen. Mine loves being involved. It makes a 10 minute meal prep take 20 minutes but it is worth it to have her busy and learning. We don't attempt that on the days we get back later from a club/playdate as she is just far too hangry. Those are the defrost/beans on toast/quickly whip up an omelette nights.

What would happen if you just said no? You're senior, important, and it would be hard to replace you.

BTO is mostly about the long term leases and money companies have invested in office buildings.

So sad to see so many women almost eager to bash other women - and single mums at that. 'How hard can it be?' 'How long do bins take?' 'I was sympathetic until I read she only has one child' FFS are some people really still doing this?!

Why is it a race of who has the hardest life? Is someone who works a busy professional role whilst also parenting solo not allowed to find things tough? Can we only be supportive if someone has 7 children and works 4 jobs to make ends meet?!

OP, echoing what many others have already suggested, but: talk to your employer, hopefully there might be a compromise. Really easy stuff for dinners on office days, or cook double the night before. When I was a lone parent we did lots of dinners the same thing 2 nights in a row, or made double and froze for a few days later... but ultimately didn't cook every night. I find easiest way to keep up with washing is to put it on timer before bed, then hang out just before leaving for work. Massively lower your cleaning standards. Eat out/get a takeaway if that's an option on one of the office evenings.

And if you have a decent lunch break on your office days, perhaps use that for somethign you might normally do when you WFH. Eg a gym class or walk - then you could not exercise on a WFH day, and fit in extra house stuff, if that makes sense.

Solidarity from someone who has been a hard working single mum of JUST one and knows it can be knackering regardless of the number of children you have spawned.

My manager can see what I'm doing, there's no way to skive if you wanted to
My job is the same at home or at work, I need to be at my desk all day and that's it
We all have to WFH currently as we have no workplace to go to

Hi Op

I'm not going to be much use here but I do understand your plight! I became a single parent to a 1 and 4 year old and worked 4 days a week in a senior office job for years.

The realty is that it's pretty brutal for quite a few years. You will get through it but it's hard. In the end I stayed with the same company but took a less senior role with no staff responsibility. I already had enough on my plate without dealing with the extra stuff at work.

My DCs are teens now (which comes with different challenges) but it's so much easier. I'm not sure I ever mastered being super organised.

When they were younger they were with a childminder who fed them breakfast and dinner then I would hurtle to the office at breakneck speed.

Once they were at school I took them to breakfast club had a series of TAs from their school look after them until I was back to work - left them simple stuff for them to give them for dinner so at least they were fed by the time I got home.

One of the TAs used to take the DC to a hobby and I would pick up when I got in from work. Lift shares to other activities helped.

Somehow we muddled through - washing on in the morning. Hanging out in the evening. But I do recall often doing this late at night In tears from the tiredness!

You will find a way to make it work!

You have a right to request flexible working. They have to come up with a good reason to say no. Have a look at the group “Flexible Working People” on Facebook, it’s really helpful.

Yes, because going back to killing ourselves trying to get everything done is the obvious answer, rather than embracing the new environment and finding more appropriate working conditions.