How the hell do I do everything now I no longer WFH

[Persuaderama]

I’m a single parent, my husband left a month before lock down so all my single parenting was done whilst, at first fully WFH and then WFH 3 days a week.

Now my employer has decided we have to be in the office 3 days a week ‘for office culture’ (don’t get me started on office culture) and I’m really struggling to keep on top of the day-to-day jobs.

I work quite a senior level role and I come home exhausted and then have to ferry to hobbies/ tidy/ cook/ wash/ do bedtime, all in the space of a few hours before I fall into bed. When I WFH I could do the little jobs throughout the day - have the dinner cooking in oven, put the bins out on a break etc etc - and I was thinking I was bossing single mum life! Not so much now…..

Plus work feels more stressful as I’m losing 2 hours a day to commute time and the noise of a busy office just isn’t conducive to working for me. So I’m getting less done.

Any tips on how to work in an office as a single parent and have an organised life outside…..

What about private sector pay?

Because people in offices never waste a second do they? Always head down for eight hours a day with barely a chance to breath. 🙄

Some thoughts on staying organised from a particularly disorganised person...

Buy more of things. More clothes, crockery, cutlery, pans, cooking essentials. That way you never run out if you have a day when the washing up just doesn't get done.

Same goes for clothes.

Can you wear some clothes twice instead of fresh every day? I feel gross if I do but my kid wears the same PJs for a few days for example. Every little helps.

Batch cooking on your day off, so you don't have to cook or deal with the mess created by cooking on work days.

Swap your day, so get up 2 hours earlier and blitz the chores, and go to bed 2 hours earlier. I find chores first thing is just somehow easier than the misery of it before bed when you're exhausted.

When you are in the office, block out diary time to take those little chore breaks and stick to it rigidly. Use the time to do online admin chores like food shop, bills, school stuff, whatever.

If you don't have a cleaner you need one.

Organise mutual overnight playdates, have the other kid over on one of your off days or a weekend.

Yes, that sort of attitude is liable to be a disadvantage when competing for the best staff.

The wfh debate is so boring. I get almost nothing done in the office, people constantly chatting and having useless meetings.

Prep your Slow cooker with ingredients at bedtime therefore just lifting your pot out the fridge and switching it on the morning teas sorted then without lots of pans to wash as well

I also have a timer on my washing machine so set it to come on and finish for when I wake up that way I can just hang it out on the line before work

I do a Morrisons Amazon prime food delivery, they come free with prime (in the uk) and can be done same day. I have these delivered the day I work from home saves so much hassle shopping

And if you have any spare cash invest in a dishwasher they make life so much easier

if you have kids and spend a lot of time tidying up after them google the basket method - it’s very effective

Personally I get far less done at home, I have ADHD and although medicated being at home I'm just so distracted that I often work to pressure but the day to day stuff lags behind. I chose therefore to go into the office but I support others in wfh as they wish. Most choose to come into the office a few days a week but it's up to them. Only had issues with the output from one person wfh who would not respond to stuff, tasks would always be incomplete or late, would avoid calls and meeting, but I appropriately managed them as I would if they were in the office; I'm not convinced they would have been overly more productive in the office.

That's funny isn't it, wr are all different. In the office I get major sensory overload and can barely focus. It has definitely been made worse after being away from it for so long. I am unable to say no to social activity either, almost as if I crave it while at the same time hating it. The whole thing is a disaster! I do it one or two days a week, but no more or I'd get nothing real done.

I do feel bad for the junior staff who won't learn as fast - at least that is my assumption. Maybe I am wrong and they will learn faster!

I’m wfh today. So far this morning I’ve put washing outside to dry and have thrown another load into the machine.

my cleaner is coming today which I forgot about but I’ll work around her.

dinner is in the slow cooker.

I just need to drop the dc to school and then start work.

I finish at 2 on a Thursday usually but can actually probably work a bit longer because scho is. 5 min walk away.

Hi,

I wonder if you have any stats to prove you're more productive when working from home.
I know a lot of companies track the productivity of their employees.

I doubt the company will agree to you working from home full time, but if you can prove that you provide better Value for the buisiness wfh than you do in the office maybe they will allow you to wfh apart from important meetings and maybe 1 day a week so you meet the other team members face to face?

In these situations it's about showing your bosses what they get out of the situation. Go to them with stats and facts rather than emotions. Though it probably won't hurt to mention your gratefulness!

Second, if relatively senior do you have the cash to help pay for cleaner? After schools clubs etc?

And if your kids are old enough could you be teaching them simple chores to help you out? Maybe link it with a way of earning extra pocket money (if you have the means) though kids learning to take responsibility is never a bad thing! You don't want your kids leaving home and being that person who leaves food on the dishes in the house share, or breaks the washing machine in uni dorms!
This link gives a list of age appropriate chores:

https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/

I think it just shows that flexibility is the biggest plus rather than the linear wfh is good/bad and the office is good/bad- it depends and as individuals if we can choose what works for us, be it either of those then that's brilliant. Depends on the job and sector as well imo in regards to learning, it's finding a balance of what works for individuals and for the team and I do think it'll take a bit of time to find a decent balance as lockdown was very much everyone thrust into wfh and now there's a bit of everyone back in for no real reason; ideal is probably in the middle. Although wfh doesn't work for me I can absolutely see the benefits and don't see the issue with popping the washing on or whatever, it's not like in office most people are chained to their desks!

Outsource what you can. Put in a request for flexible working -they have to at least consider it.

We recently bought a dishwasher secondhand from Facebook market place! It sounds an exaggeration but it feels life changing! It was £50. I was dubious because they described it as ten months old and only replacing as they were having an integrated one in a new kitchen. Seemed genuine when I got there. The old kitchen was in the garden etc. so went ahead and bought it.

Dishes seem a small thing but just having them in the dishwasher rather than the sink waiting to be done. It’s amazing.

I do put the slow cooker on in the morning and have found the book - bored of lunch slow cooker - really helpful. It even shows you how to cook the pasta in the slow cooker sauce. So less dishes. Then straight in the dishwasher with the pots!

Brilliant !

I’m with you on this. I find I’m more productive in the office. I also like the fact that I can leave work physically when I work in the office. I don’t have a seperate space at home so it’s not just a case of shut the door to a spare room and leave it.

I also didn’t like it in lockdown when I was on zoom meetings etc and colleagues could see my house. Sounds silly but if felt very intrusive.

I second the air fryer, just got one and changes a lot. So much faster, less mess.

Also dishwasher yes, and tumbledryer!

Perhaps smart home technology to switch things on and off remotely... possibly limited value

Thank You all. I can’t begin to answer all the questions (and I won’t deign to answer the people who get a buzz out of kicking someone, who’s asked for help, down!) but here’s a few.

I am senior, but not CEO level, but I also live in London with the ridiculous mortgage that entails. This means my salary would not stretch in any way to a housekeeper or the like. Whilst I’m don’t financially struggle I don’t have loads of spare cash.

I do have a cleaner. I do have a dishwasher.

Unfortunately as a more senior employee I’m expected to toe the line and demonstrate the unbridled joy of being in the office so more WFH is non-negotiable. I also work for a ‘very large’ company whom I suspect is being requested by the government to get more people in the central London office so this is a further no-go.

Work are flexible in many many ways so this is a positive but I guess I’m just finding it a head fuck to suddenly be so stressed again after a few years or relative calm.

I appreciate all the tips, and especially all the shouts of solidarity. If I just ignore the nasty posters I can almost feel a sense of sisterhood hood here again! Thank you

Been thinking about this thread. Op is clearly senior and valuable, 6 month notice period etc. If Op was male I doubt men would be giving handy tips about batch cooking etc.
Know your worth. If the current job isn’t fitting your lifestyle move to one that is. Life is too short. Obviously if whole sector is back office based then that’s different but it’s worth a look and certainly worth a conversation with work re how 3 days in office is impacting on her work.

The example I mentioned earlier where a male friend works who are entirely back in office whereas industry is hybrid or wfh and the skill set much in demand. They can’t recruit and lots of younger staff have left. No handy tips just no that doesn’t work for me I’ll go to rival big name instead. It’s a male dominated industry. My friend is only still there as it’s very local and he’s not far off retirement.

I would give the same tips to a man?! I don't see the difference. I assume the op is clever enough to realise she could move on if she wants to, so why bother patronising her ?

Moving job sounds oh so easy. There is a lot to lose - long service, protection, annual leave, risk of moving to a toxic culture, bad management. I'm sure she is considering her options. In the mean time it must be assumed she likes her work, wants to stay, and would like ideas for other solutions so as not to upend her entire world when she is already feeling he hassle of change.

But surely if you are truly working from home then you shouldn’t have any extra time? Because you’re working. Or are you doing chores and pretending to work? I get you have lunch breaks but that’s to eat and take a breather wherever you are - I suppose you could do a shop then. Unless you are not actually giving 100% when working from home, I can’t see the difference.

People working in offices do chat, take ages in the loo etc, they do not pop out to do the weekly shop, pop to the school to pick up kids, cook the dinner, put the hoover around, hang washing out etc …that’s the difference!

Two hours a day commuting, perhaps?

Isn’t it amazing that men can just walk out with their heads held high and us women are expected to pick up all the pieces….
honestly if I were in your situation I’d be informing the ex that my work arrangements have changed so he’ll need to come and do some of the laundry, bins, taxiing, skid mark wiping etc on the hours he’s not working.
if he can’t then Id hire the help and invoice him.

You’re correct on searching for another role @DipsyLaLaPo. I have 10yr + service here - to give that up in the current financial crisis, as a single mum with a big mortgage, feels very risky….

also a lot of my industry is going back to the office. As I said, important industry, central London, lots of l pressure to get bums on seats/ spending in shops/ filling the corporate business coffers.

i guess it just depresses me that a previous poster said exhaustion and running around is ‘just life’ and I should accept it, when we all showed it simply doesn’t have to be. There is a better way to work that suits a lot of actual workers and the main reason we’re being forced back is to protect corporate revenues….

It’s a lot of hugging a lot of rushing around and a lot of stress (every working day hoping o won’t be held up and fined for picking ds up late from after school club)

getting organised well just accept you can’t do as much. Cut corners cooking (frozen chopped veg, garlic, ginger, chilli, herbs, mash, spinach, mixes can add to stews), if you can afford a cleaner get one (I couldn’t), your dd may not be able to attend all the clubs etc she would like to but be honest with her

I promise it gets better (much) once they can get to school on their own and be left on their own while you pop to shops

I am so sorry, Dixiechic, and do have some understanding of how you feel. I think people who manage to effectively work from home are marvellous, I don't think I could have done that long term, certainly not well.

Apologies if I was tactless suggesting you may be able to afford to pay a housekeeper; I note you do have a cleaner which is good. You have said nothing to invite any nastiness.

This situation and your feeling about it will not last forever, Dixie, but it may be time to look around for another job.