AIBU Going on a Hen Do Abroad

[HotPotato2]

I've never been on a girls Hen Do away and this one is abroad. I got very excited when I was invited there is only 5 of us going for 3 nights so assumed it would be quite laid back. and I committed to flights without knowing the accommodation costs and itinerary and things have got out of hand! Which in hindsight I should have asked first.
I have 2 kids 12 and 9 and have never left them before, obviously they will be with their dad and well looked after so I'm terribly nervous about that. But thought maybe a weekend away would be good and be much cheaper than a family holiday as things are tight this year and we are already going away as a family later in the year. And I've never been away with the girls.

However the costs have spiralled and I feel so guilty as for the amount I am now paying I probably could have done a cheap holiday abroad with the kids.

It's £400 each for accommodation, flights £200 return
But then the activities have got out of hand, tours for £70, beach clubs for £70 each which does include some food, a meal out £70 each and I feel like I now cannot say no as I will lose the money I have already paid and I cannot exactly go and not participate in the activities for a hen do, the beach club is all afternoon and I know the drinks will cost a fortune while I'm there cos you are stuck there. I wrongly assumed that we might just explore the city during the day and go shopping or something,

My Partner is going mad about it now, but I work obviously so its not his money but in hindsight could of been better spent

I'm gutted I feel like I have completed wasted some of my savings, do think there is any way I can get out of it or am I just going to have to suck it up now? Do you think I am over-reacting and probably have a really good time??
Realistically I will probs not get to go one again abroad. Am I just being over anxious, I'm not a natural spender and definitely a saver so this is a lot for me!!

OP doesn’t say it’s a non-refundable rate, she said she doesn’t want to pull out as she’s sharing with the hen. It could be refundable, it could be switchable, we don’t know.

I'd just go, if you can get over how you feel you will have a fantastic time!!

She’s having to take this money out of savings. Ergo she cant cover the costs from her income. It could cover another holiday but it could also cover something much more serious for one of the kids.

She’s crying about it now and worried she won’t enjoy it, it’s not worth this much distress.

Not sure how this got tagged as intelligent 😂😂😂

But it’s worth losing a friendship?!

Nothing wrong with it if she actually wanted to. Instead she’s crying about it, feeling “gutted” asking if she can get out of it. No point spending money you’re not going to enjoy it.

@Mirabai

its her own savings, her own money.

yeah something might happen to her kids but something might happen to her too - so she needs to embrace these opportunities for fun wherever she can. She has literally never been away from her kids or been on a hen do - why miss out on life cos you’re saving constantly for a rainy day fund??

she is every bit as important as her kids and her HER money would not be wasted if she went on this hen do. It’s about her doing something for herself, being her own person and not just a mum - can’t think of anything better for her to spend her hard earned money on right now!

You’re committed now and your sunk costs are £600 - you’d be mad to pull out and lose that.

Just go and enjoy yourself, seriously just stop with the guilt. Life is short. It’s done now and you might as well enjoy it and stop worrying about it.

@Mirabai

only cos her husband has made her feel guilty

she was well up for it and excited before he started guilt tripping her

I’d just go, enjoy it and take it as a learning. These things do tend to spiral. You can justify it as a massive one off, and the fact it’s your money not anyone else’s. Have a great time

She’s clearly upset because she’s got a pig of an H putting her under pressure and making her feel guilty as well as teary responses like yours. Read the OP, she was excited and wanted to go, and now all the good has been taken out of it. With people like you telling her she’s a bad wife and mum for having the audacity to go on a girly trip for the first time in her 40 years, and never having left her kids in a decade?!

what a steaming crock of actual fucking shit!!

Well she wouldn’t lose a friendship with me. We don’t know she’d lose her friend.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with a person who ditch me for pulling out of something for a good reason, nor would I ever ditch someone for that. I would never want a friend to overspend and have a shit time on my account for fear of losing the friendship.

Thats not real friendship.

OP must have travel insurance so worst case scenario she can pay the others back from the insurance.

I say go. BUT! Say you can’t make all the day stuff. You don’t drink in the day/need to recharge for the evening/can’t afford it.
Go chill by the pool/beach with a book,
potter round the town and join up for the evening bits.
Sounds as though you never get away so it could be a great opportunity to chill.
Go enjoy!

If you read the OP she was excited to go before it turned out to be costing an arm and a leg. That’s what is distressing her. Her DH is an additional issue.

If you read my posts more carefully, nowhere have I said she’s a “bad wife and mum”.

The OP could have taken the kids on a trip. She could have taken her partner on a romantic get away. She could have bought a very expensive getaway. She could have bought a not so expensive computer. She dud not choose to do any of those things. She chose to do the hen do, and now she is being made to feel guilty.

She was either not desirous of doing any of those other things, or equally likely she would have experienced guilt no matter what she chose to do.

I would definitely go given the cost you've paid so far, and it sounds like it would be a nice treat for you, but I'd definitely be honest about the cost of the activities that you don't want to/can't afford to go to. There are definitely worse times to have an afternoon to yourself if everyone else wants to go to the beach club, but there may well be others that are feeling the same, so once you speak up you may find out you aren't alone. I'd also mention the reviews too, as that may save you having to say no anyway.

Can you be honest with the hen, OP, and say you really want to be there for her, but you’re struggling to justify some of the expenses, so you’ll come to the things you can afford?

I'm with the go and enjoy it camp. I got invited on a hen do to Ibiza when I was 39, first and only hen do abroad I've ever done. Only knew the hen and 1 other person and had a whale of a time! Still look back and giggle now. You've spent the biggest portion on flights and accommodation, save up a few hundred more for spends and sack off the guilt, you won't enjoy it if you carry that with you 😉

@DMLady if you read OP’s posts you’ll see this is what OP has decided to do, attend the hen do but explain she can’t do all the activities.

I would go. You’ll have a blast. So what if the places are a bit flash, you deserve a bit of you time and it’ll be fun. Your children are of an age you don’t have to worry about them. I went to a hen do to Amsterdam when I had a 7 month old and spent the whole time worrying. This was about 7 years ago and I wish I’d just enjoyed it.

Yes, it’s a lot of money, but you’ll be able to relax, the girls are probably nice in real life. Organising a hen do is stressful and I don’t envy the girl having to do it. Also don’t keep comparing it to a family holiday, you won’t take a family of four away abroad in the summer for a grand.

I think budget for £1000 and throw yourself into the weekend and have a really good time and don’t worry about the money.

£1000 for a blow out 3 nights away is money well spent.

£1000 for 3 nights worrying about the cost and that is money down the drain.

Go, plaster a smile on your face and have a good time and join in with all the stuff planned. You will probably come back feeling fantastic (I think sometimes you need to get away and have a good laugh with friends and make memories) It does recharge your batteries.

Look at it as selling a few bits each month on eBay and Vinted. Maybe look at selling more stuff each month to boost your funds for a great family holiday as well.

I am jealous as I have never been on a hen do.
Didnt even have one myself as I was too young to get into a pub let alone a club

You've quite frankly lost the plot.

How much have you already paid?

I'd cut my losses.

Because that sounds shit compared to having a break from the kids, with your best friends, in the sunshine and drinking cocktails.

Do you not understand that?

Cannot bare the sackcloth and ashes type people who take the moral high ground simply not understanding why everyone does not 'holiday' in the UK 🙄.

People work hard for their money, they should get to spend it however the fuck they wish.