Considering cutting DD off

[DarkNecessities]

This is something I never, ever thought I would do. She’s 25 and has chosen to live a totally different lifestyle to me. I’ve tried so very hard to accept but my MH is suffering and as sad as it makes me feel. I just need to cut loose. I’m not sure how long for tbh

Lovely

I come from a multi religious family and it’s not been easy. No serious arguments but the conservative Christians hang together, the dabbling in Buddhism ones hang together, and the Scientologists hang separately. 😆 It’s certainly worth understanding your DDs point of view. So many aspects of Islam are beautiful, and it’s an Abrahamic religion as are Christianity and Judaism.

Funny how you didn't want to mention it but are now quite happy to post bigoted comments. Not at all predictable. 🙄

Says she's far from anti Islam.

Makes generalised derogatory comment about all Muslims.

Please do explain why I’m the idiot

In your opinion. Your daughter obviously doesn't think she is, she may even find her newly found belief liberating empowering, who knows.

I would worry if a child of mine joined the Unification Church, Scientologists or some other cult. I have known people in the past who did. However if they embraced Islam, Buddhism or became an evangelical Christian I'd accept it as long as they didn't try to convert me.

Just tell her you won't be preached at and then leave it alone. There's nothing you can do about it anyway and - it may not last.

liberating and empowering

This sounds really hard, OP.

I've only ever met one person who converted to marry a Muslim and in many ways she was more vocal about views/lifestyle than other Muslim friends who were born into the religion. It was almost as if she was trying to prove how good a Muslim she was because she was a newbie and had to make up time!

I think the best thing you can do is ask her to remember that you have had many years of the 'old her' and are finding the change challenging, ask her to keep religion off the table and not to judge you or your choices, try to do the same for her and reduce contact if necessary.

I do think you need to make it clear that you are there for her if she needs you, though.

I’ve no idea if anyone has suggested it, Prevent, might be something to have a look into, if you fear she might be a victim of radicalisation, they have outreach programmes to help in that situation.
It might not be appropriate at all, but there might be help and advice for you there too.

And you are not unreasonable to want some space. Some older children can test the patience of a saint, and it’s not until you are in that situation, that you know this.

https://actearly.uk/working-together/how-we-help/

Would you think your dd was controlled and oppressed if she became a TOWIE clone? Or would being vacuous & plastic be accepted by you as an example of a free woman?

How do you know this is the case? You don’t because you are basing this on misinformation and stereotypes.

I completely understand your worry for your daughter , converting to another religion. That is actually a natural reaction.
If she has chosen to convert she shouldn’t be preaching to you or judging you.

However your statement above just proves your bias and xenophobia.

No. Not how it works.

This situation isn't compatible. This young woman is not just doing her thing, and mum not approving. It's the other way round. The daughter has converted in what seems to be a fairly extreme way, and now disapproves of her Mum's way of life, and is constantly criticising HER.

Sorry you’re struggling OP.

As a Muslim I have come across many who have embraced Islam and the difficulties they have gone through with their families- I am somewhat familiar with the process which you may be going through - Islam is after all a way of life not just an idea.

By all means reduce contact for your mental health, this is a big adjustment for you to make. However don’t cut yourself off please - new Muslims need their families on side as much as ever.

And please don’t assume she is oppressed. For many non Muslims our way of life is unfathomable, but I can honestly tell you there is a beauty and contentment for us within it that you cannot see.

And finally - fyi Islam is not ‘anti anything not Islam’ - it’s just very clear about what is and is not ok, which is jarring to people who live in the West where there is a prevailing ‘be who you wanna be’ attitude. But many of us want to be Muslim, including your daughter. She probably desperately wants you to see the light she can see now hence the pressure. Good luck, I hope your relationship with her recovers.

I think the details are not relevant - many family members adopt lifestyles and become very hard work causing others a huge mental strain. No-one can judge this situation as the details are very personal and even writing about them would not convey a full picture. As I said before I think steping back is sometimes needed to preserve yourself.

I'd be shocked and surprised if one of my children converted to Islam - or to anything for that matter! - is there a reason why? It's usually a man though isn't it?

Gross.

I know two people who converted to Catholicism, and both became very vocal, took it very seriously and one became very judgemental. They have both calmed down now. Maybe your daughter just needs a bit of time to adjust to her new beliefs.