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Original poster

Considering cutting DD off

243 replies

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:19

This is something I never, ever thought I would do. She’s 25 and has chosen to live a totally different lifestyle to me. I’ve tried so very hard to accept but my MH is suffering and as sad as it makes me feel. I just need to cut loose. I’m not sure how long for tbh

OP posts:
AndTheSurveySays · 10/04/2023 22:32

Is she a new convert? New converts to any religion tend to be very annoying and preachy.

SpinCityBlues · 10/04/2023 22:32

SittingOnTheChair · 10/04/2023 22:32

We need a whole lot more information here.

Please stop giving it in drips.

This is going to be one of those threads where it's like pulling teeth.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:33

I agree that we can’t all agree and need to compromise. The compromising is all one way though

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 10/04/2023 22:33

Can you give an example of a conversation with her then?

Vgt6y357 · 10/04/2023 22:34

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:30

I respect her beliefs but she doesn’t respect mine.

thank you @FurAndFeathers

This is very pertinent. So you have to listen to her religious preaching, but your beliefs are ignored/belittled. I don't think I could cut off my child completely, but I think pointing out respect works both ways and maybe agreeing to not discuss religion is a good idea.

user146539089 · 10/04/2023 22:35

Cutting her off for being religious is as awful as religious parents cutting off their non-religious dc.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:36

Dacadactyl · 10/04/2023 22:33

Can you give an example of a conversation with her then?

I’m not going to give specifics and I suspect most of you have never been in this situation.

I feel permanently judged and criticised.

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 10/04/2023 22:36

Presumably she is trying to force her new found religion on to you?
Just step right back and go very, very low contact if you can. Do leave an opening for her to come back to you if she needs to, but otherwise you must do whatever you need to do for your own peace of mind.
It is not mandatory to stay in contact with people who make you unhappy just because you are related.

UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:37

My son isn't even 5 yet but I can't inshibe cutting him off because of his religion. I'd work very, very hard to make it work even if it meant holding my tongue or choosing not to talk about certain topics. We don't own our children.

LittleRedRoses · 10/04/2023 22:37

Many times on here you see posts from DC wanting to NC or LC with their parents, very often you see a load of posts advising the poster to go NC. This is no different OP. You need to do what’s right for you and your mental health.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:37

Vgt6y357 · 10/04/2023 22:34

This is very pertinent. So you have to listen to her religious preaching, but your beliefs are ignored/belittled. I don't think I could cut off my child completely, but I think pointing out respect works both ways and maybe agreeing to not discuss religion is a good idea.

Show quote history

That’s the approach I took, but it’s her entire way of life, not just her beliefs

OP posts:
UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:38

UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:37

My son isn't even 5 yet but I can't inshibe cutting him off because of his religion. I'd work very, very hard to make it work even if it meant holding my tongue or choosing not to talk about certain topics. We don't own our children.

*imagine

Dacadactyl · 10/04/2023 22:39

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:36

I’m not going to give specifics and I suspect most of you have never been in this situation.

I feel permanently judged and criticised.

Show quote history

You suspect wrongly in my case.

Well, without specifics, no one is going to be able to assist you in deciding one way or the other whether she's more in the wrong, or whether you are. So, I'll bow out of the thread.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:40

Thank you @Fizzadora and @LittleRedRoses

OP posts:
NotStayingIn · 10/04/2023 22:41

I’m not going to give specifics and I suspect most of you have never been in this situation.

Oh good, that rather makes this whole thread pointless than doesn't it.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:41

UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:37

My son isn't even 5 yet but I can't inshibe cutting him off because of his religion. I'd work very, very hard to make it work even if it meant holding my tongue or choosing not to talk about certain topics. We don't own our children.

Ofcourse you can’t - he’s only 5

OP posts:
LittleRedRoses · 10/04/2023 22:41

UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:37

My son isn't even 5 yet but I can't inshibe cutting him off because of his religion. I'd work very, very hard to make it work even if it meant holding my tongue or choosing not to talk about certain topics. We don't own our children.

We don’t own our children and our children don’t own us nor do they have the right to dictate their religious beliefs on parents. It must be very wearing as a parent to constantly hold your tongue. I’d rather be NC or LC if any of my children expected me to not have a voice or an opinion.

RandomMess · 10/04/2023 22:43

Can you go low contact?

Starlightstarbright1 · 10/04/2023 22:43

This is harder than getting info out my teenager..

No one knows if yabu or not .. as you drip.tiny snippets.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:43

I don’t need an assessment on whether I’m right or wrong. I’m just looking for others who have maybe felt the same

OP posts:
LifeIsHardAlways · 10/04/2023 22:43

If I had to make a wild guess, I’d say she’s possibly met a Muslim man and converted? And you now feel that she’s oppressed by him and her new religion? Possibly now wearing a hijab? Is she now judgemental of normal western practices, such as drinking alcohol?

whatever she’s converted to, it may not last. If you were previously close, you may be best to try and wait it out.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:43

Starlightstarbright1 · 10/04/2023 22:43

This is harder than getting info out my teenager..

No one knows if yabu or not .. as you drip.tiny snippets.

This isn’t AIBU

OP posts:
UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:44

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:41

Ofcourse you can’t - he’s only 5

Show quote history

Well, you didn't state you only wanted opinions from those with adult children. In fact you haven't really said much at all. Bit difficult to advise.

Partyandbullshit · 10/04/2023 22:44

This is a really tough position you’re in, OP. But you’re not the first/only. There are support groups, online and in person, for parents in your situation.

I know someone who feels like the cult (as she calls it) kidnapped her DD. She just wants her old DD back but holds very very little hope.

It’s desperately sad. I’m so sorry for you.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2023 22:46

Gosh op that sounds really difficult. Is there any suppprt for you - not just friends and family but professional because this sounds seriously difficult.

are we talking a cult or a “mainstream” religion where she’s being controlled? How scary for you.

I don’t think anyone would blame you in these circs.

@UnicornBoom what an absolutely useless contribution that was 🙄