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Original poster

Considering cutting DD off

243 replies

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:19

This is something I never, ever thought I would do. She’s 25 and has chosen to live a totally different lifestyle to me. I’ve tried so very hard to accept but my MH is suffering and as sad as it makes me feel. I just need to cut loose. I’m not sure how long for tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:46

UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:44

Well, you didn't state you only wanted opinions from those with adult children. In fact you haven't really said much at all. Bit difficult to advise.

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I would suggest that you’re in no position to advise

OP posts:
UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:46

LittleRedRoses · 10/04/2023 22:41

We don’t own our children and our children don’t own us nor do they have the right to dictate their religious beliefs on parents. It must be very wearing as a parent to constantly hold your tongue. I’d rather be NC or LC if any of my children expected me to not have a voice or an opinion.

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Where has OP said that her daughter is dictating her religious beliefs on her?

Itsallok · 10/04/2023 22:46

How can people say it's the same way - if the circumstances are different?? It's an impossible question. Parents cut off their children far less than children cut off parents - so it generally to be something more substantial than what you've said which isn't much. Don't blame other people when you haven't given them enough to go on. So far it's a way of life from religious beliefs - and you don't like her criticism?

Greenfree · 10/04/2023 22:47

Has she joined a cult or is she converting to a more involved religion such as Islam? Is that what your finding hard to adjust to?

LettingMySouthSideShow · 10/04/2023 22:48

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:43

I don’t need an assessment on whether I’m right or wrong. I’m just looking for others who have maybe felt the same

No one knew what you were looking for because you’ve hardly said anything.

Cant be arsed, you’re hard work.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:49

Thank you to those who are empathising.
The details are irrelevant really, there can be many reasons. It doesn’t make the situation any easier

OP posts:
Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:50

LettingMySouthSideShow · 10/04/2023 22:48

No one knew what you were looking for because you’ve hardly said anything.

Cant be arsed, you’re hard work.

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Good - off you go then

OP posts:
LittleRedRoses · 10/04/2023 22:50

UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:46

Where has OP said that her daughter is dictating her religious beliefs on her?

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Please point out where I specifically did the OP’s daughter was dictating her religious beliefs? It was a generalisation.

UnicornBoom · 10/04/2023 22:51

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2023 22:46

Gosh op that sounds really difficult. Is there any suppprt for you - not just friends and family but professional because this sounds seriously difficult.

are we talking a cult or a “mainstream” religion where she’s being controlled? How scary for you.

I don’t think anyone would blame you in these circs.

@UnicornBoom what an absolutely useless contribution that was 🙄

No, it's not useless. How can you possibly know the OP is in a 'scary' situation based simply on the little information that she's given re her daughter bring religious, it being her way of life and them disagreeing obviously to a large extent on it. You don't know how the OP, had reacted, you don't know what the religion is, you don't even know what the OP means by 'controlled and oppressed'. Without context that can mean wildly different things to different people.

NotStayingIn · 10/04/2023 22:51

But why can you not be clearer about the situation?

My Catholic daughter met a Muslim and is planning to convert
We're Jewish and now my daughter is an atheist
whatever

Details are relevant, it's pointless giving advice without knowing the actual situation.

HamBone · 10/04/2023 22:51

I wouldn’t cut her off, but if you’re struggling with “day to day contact,” I’d suggest lowering the contact-which you can as she doesn’t live with you.

if you typically talk and/or text everyday, spread it out to a couple of times a week, for example.

FranksOcean · 10/04/2023 22:52

This thread is like pulling teeth!

Coxspurplepippin · 10/04/2023 22:52

Well, the details are important - if she's insisting on saying grace before eating it seems a bit drastic to cut her off. If she's endowed all her worldly goods to a cult, has cut off her breasts because her Messiah told her to and is living on thin air and mustard greens you may have a point.

Ottersmith · 10/04/2023 22:52

Fucking hell. Drip drip drip. No one has any clue what you are talking about.

Nanny0gg · 10/04/2023 22:52

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:50

Good - off you go then

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Why come on here, give very little info that anyone could relate to and then be so rude?

GhostBridezilla · 10/04/2023 22:53

Yeah try not to cut her off. Religion is purely a belief and she can easily come out of it as go into it.
you need to be there for her when it goes tits up.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:54

HamBone · 10/04/2023 22:51

I wouldn’t cut her off, but if you’re struggling with “day to day contact,” I’d suggest lowering the contact-which you can as she doesn’t live with you.

if you typically talk and/or text everyday, spread it out to a couple of times a week, for example.

Thank you @HamBone
That’s a good idea. I’ve been Teton to maintain daily contact to ensure she’s safe, but it’s not really working for me

OP posts:
Jellyx · 10/04/2023 22:54

If you're worried she's oppressed or the religion isn't healthy then it's even more reason to keep her close and maintain a good relationship!

If there are certain behaviours that upset you - maybe she preaches to you every day- then have that conversation with her rather than cut her off.

I.e. I love you and I'm always here to support you. I'd prefer we didn't talk about XYZ.

Put in boundaries rather than cut her off.

user1473878824 · 10/04/2023 22:55

It’s hard to empathise or even know if we’ve been in the same situation if you won’t give a single detail, OP!

LettingMySouthSideShow · 10/04/2023 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RandomMess · 10/04/2023 22:56

Are you able to have therapy with someone experienced with supporting those in cults?

Hawkins003 · 10/04/2023 22:56

DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:54

Thank you @HamBone
That’s a good idea. I’ve been Teton to maintain daily contact to ensure she’s safe, but it’s not really working for me

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What's your dd, religion ?

MissMarplesbag · 10/04/2023 22:57

You say she's oppressed and controlled, is that your perception based on reality or stereotypes in the media?

I wouldn't cut her off but it might help you to reduce contact & learn how to adopt the grey rock approach with her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/04/2023 22:58

It would help if you explained. It’s not at all outing on here unless the religion is only practiced by a handful of people on the planet. But I’m answer to your question, grey rock her comments and go low contact if it would be good for your mental health. Let her know you’ll always be there for her if she needs you. That is very important in case she does change her mind. I’m presuming this is either an intense religion or that she is practicing it fervently.

Original poster
DarkNecessities · 10/04/2023 22:58

Some great advice

if it’s like pulling teeth or a ‘drip drip’ thread then please do dip out. I’m not asking if AIBU, just looking for support from others who may have been in a similar situation for whatever reason

OP posts: