What is the most CF behaviour someone has shown when visiting your home?

[Imamumgetmeoutofhere]

Just that really......

Mine was a few years ago and I'm still whenever I think about it.

My youngest had started primary school a few months prior to the event and she had got a bit friendly with one of the other children in the class and as a result I had got to know their mum quite well, in terms of chatting in the playground anyway.

We had storm one morning on the school run and as it was much closer to my house than hers I invited her back for a cuppa till the storm passed. I put the kettle on to boil and then went to the loo, then had to take an "urgent" phone call from my eldest school for some reason or other, can't remember what exactly and it certainly wasn't an emergency.

When I was upstairs I heard some clattering around in the kitchen and then heard a sizzling noise.

When I went back downstairs she was frying bacon. She hadn't asked, I hadn't offered and it meant she had gone through my fridge and cupboards the first time she had been to my house. When I asked what she was doing she said she was hungry and hadn't eaten that day

Safe to say I didn't ask her to come back after that!!

What CF behaviours have others shown in your home?

Not my story, but my mothers . Many many years ago , my parents as a young married couple were showing my paternal grandma their new house. Arriving in the master bedroom ,apparently my Grandma said something like “oh this is nice , yes , this will do me ! “ and proceeded to unpack!
Think my dad must have been scared of her , because after that they slept in the spare room, every time she came . Until my other dG arrived for a holiday , and was automatically put into the master bedroom and asked to be moved to the spare room. A wake up call for them I think.

GREAT username, may I say!

So usually you pour and agitate with your left hand to remove any dirt. A shataf or bum gun avoids the need for the hand.

you can then wipe or let it air dry.

Absolutely spot on, @IsaiditwasLighthearted - I have even breastfed in church, and no-one noticed or commented. The workman should have concentrated on his job, and then he wouldn't have been looking at the MNer.

Sorry - I didn't see this post before I commented on the breastfeeding issue, @SkyandSurf.

@AngryBirdsNoMore

Is it really called a "shataf"?

If you were Scottish you might see the funny side of that

Ex husband invited friends round for a play date and lunch.

i contacted the wife asking for any dietary requirements to which she responded they were plant based only, no dairy, etc This flustered me a little but ok… I did my best and spent a fortune on ingredients. I wanted them to have a great meal.

they arrived, ate the dinner only for them to say they aren’t vegan or plant based. They just decided to have a super healthy day that day. I was gobsmacked but ok….

i made a jug of pimms which me and the wife got through plus a bottle of red wine when she announces we should get more wine and can we go to the shop? No problem.. off we walk. in the shop she gets excited by lots of little bits her husband would love to eat later, chocolate, strawberries, etc plus picks up a £12 bottle of red. We get to the checkout… and she stands back!!! I look at her and she says … you brought your card right? You can’t pay cash on that machine. Unfortunately for her I said I wasn’t paying as she wanted the items and I was on a budget this week (they aren’t poor btw!! They have a great lifestyle)

when they later left my house we discovered her child had destroyed all bedrooms, toys everywhere, writing on walls (my kids have NEVER done this) and to top it off when I went into the bathroom there was shit EVERYWHERE. The floor, even the carpet outside the bathroom, all over the toilet, sink and my towels. I could have cried. We know it wasn’t our children, they have always told us when they go and if they need help or have made a mess. This child had told their parents she had gone and I thought nothing of it.

never invited them back.

The point is the Christians (of which I am not one) haven’t posted since Sunday night and yet you and the atheists (sorry AGNOSTICS) STILL keep harping on about them and yet are also asking them not to post when they’ve long since left the thread!

Can we please just get back to cheeky fucker stories now?

@Obki, there have only been four posts about the Christians, of which two were yours! And one was the poster just replying to you about it.

I was also at the name - yes I'm Scottish and it works perfectly in my accent

@Antiquiteas i have only responded to the Atheists though. I am MORE than happy for this to die down, but they seem desperate to have the last word, so I will let them.

Sadly, I think you are right. Any attempt to tell people what had happened would be swung round against the PP's mother.

It's horrible the way some people behave even in this day and age, knowing what such hatred based on medieval stereotypes leads to.

It's just unbelievable (except it's all too believable, unfortunately).

It is indeed, I think that’s the Hindi…oh no, what’s the other meaning?!

My step twatty dad had to leave the house when my gay friend came over because he didn't want to be in the same house as a gay man 😵‍💫🤯🤬🤬

That reminds me of my uncle whose wife had bagged the best cleaner in the area (by reputation) who also happened to be a gay man.

Uncle's wife was having increasing difficulties with her mobility and so really needed a cleaner. Uncle refused to allow him to clean because (and I quote) 'he might catch me changing my trousers in the bedroom and come onto me'.

As if the 30 year old would be interested in a wrinkly mean spirited 70 year old! Uncle is an absolute arse and poor wife had to struggle on without a cleaner - clearly uncle had no intention of helping her given he was the cause of her having no cleaner!

Homophobic CF that anyone gay or straight would be interested in his saggy arse but also selfish CF denying his wife the help she needed.

@AngryBirdsNoMore

Past tense of, umm, messing yourself. Eg. "Oh dear, I've shat myself"

Aff = off

So to use it to clean the shit/shat/ aff yer erse tickled me.

What are thigh women?

Thanks @AngryBirdsNoMore I’ve always wondered!

Luckily I didn't have many CF situations, but we invited FIL for Christmas once and he spent 50% of the time talking on the phone to his other children in Poland, and kept repeating at the table that next year he's going to Poland. Go then, FFS. We didn't invite him since.

AngryBirdsNoMore · Today 11:12
ThatsExyKim · Today 09:41

I also have questions about this!

Is the jug used in conjunction with toilet paper? Pour then wipe? Because pouring only would not fully clean anything!
Show quote history
So usually you pour and agitate with your left hand to remove any dirt. A shataf or bum gun avoids the need for the hand.

you can then wipe or let it air dry.

Apologies for derailing the thread yet again here.

I'm also intrigued by this information. Wouldn't there be a danger of the (now dirty) water going where it might cause harm? We're always told to wipe from front to back to avoid contaminating female genitals with faeces...so surely pouring water would be risky?

No-one is obliged to answer this unsavoury question...but it has always bothered me.

What did he say????

You weren't stupid, you were young and vulnerable. I've been there and I'm more kinder to myself now. 15 is a child.

If I remember correctly he took some money off the invoice. I was fully on the OP side btw, can't understand anyone who wasn't!

I am so glad you (so succinctly) asked exactly what I was thinking honeylulu

“Agitate the bum crack” 🤣🤣🤣

Well I've managed to get to 65 cleaning my arse with just loo roll as my white knickers testify!