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Original poster

So embarrassed by unexpected guests

252 replies

MortifiedMolly · 02/04/2023 04:23

We were having a really slobby day yesterday. It was mid afternoon and we were all in our pyjamas. There was leftover lunch in various places (thanks to my 2 and 4 year olds), crumbs all over the floor and piles of washing everywhere. This is actually quite unusual for me, I'm usually on top of things but it had been a tiring week and DH hasn't been well, so I've been managing by myself a lot.

Then there is a knock on the door; friends who we hadn't seen for ages and had just been passing by. Caught off guard, I enthusiastically welcomed them in.

It's now 4am and I can't sleep because I'm so embarrassed about the state the house was in. I feel like I never want to see them again!

Not sure why I'm posting this, perhaps someone can make me feel better?? Gah!

OP posts:
Keymap · 02/04/2023 04:27

My social worker tried to Call me but for some reason couldn't reach me. She decided to come directly to the house.

I opened the door in my pajamas, disheveled hair, living room a mess, bed undone, dishes in the sink and on the table

CuriousMama · 02/04/2023 04:28

Oh no that's awful. I'd have said we're all unwell sorry I can't invite you in. I don't think it's very nice dropping in on people.
Happened to me years ago at Christmas. Ds2 was newborn. Well to do acquaintances turned up with a daft gift for us. House was a tip and I was knackered. I've never forgiven them 😂 Don't see them anyway thank goodness.

blebbleb · 02/04/2023 04:28

That sounds like a typical Saturday to me! In this day of technology they should have called or messages you first. I think it's rude to turn up unannounced. I'm sure they didn't notice/care anyway and were just happy to see you x

Keymap · 02/04/2023 04:28

I personally find unnanounced visitors rude

CuriousMama · 02/04/2023 04:29

I'm glad it's not just me thinks it's rude.

Northernsouloldies · 02/04/2023 04:37

Rookie error, you answered the door. 😁. Honestly don't give it a second thought. So what if the house was untidy.

Doodat · 02/04/2023 04:50

If I was them I’d have thought “what a relief she’s a normal person who sometimes has an untidy house/ a slow Saturday just like the rest of us mortals!”

MarshaMelrose · 02/04/2023 04:59

As that's how most people are, they won't have thought anything about it.

ShippingNews · 02/04/2023 05:32

I know how you feel, OP. I still cringe when I think of a similar situation, years ago when I was newly married. DH was away, I'd worked all week and was having a slobby day , wearing pj's, piles of washing, dishes not done . Knock on the door and it was a friend that I'd studied with, and her new husband. The door had a peep hole - I could have just not opened it ! But I did, and spent the next hour squirming with embarrassment as they chatted on , pretending not to notice that I was a world -record- holding slob !

I don't have any advice, OP, just typing away in solidarity !

Pepperama · 02/04/2023 05:43

They came to see you, not to do a house inspection. If I drop by I don’t expect it to be tidy (or even when it’s announced) - some friends have clinical homes with everything in its place at all times, others have got more chaotic everything is everywhere homes. As a friend I honestly don’t care, I just want to spend time with them!

Twiglets1 · 02/04/2023 05:45

I think it’s rude to call in unannounced. I’m a secret slob (always tidy up if I know people are coming) so I would hate this too.

ArdeteiMasazxu · 02/04/2023 05:50

assuming your friends are nice people, not the Good Housekeepng police, don't give it another thought. If it's a genuine friendship they won't give a hoot about the state of the house.

obviously if they were judgy about it they aren't actually friends but I've only read the OP at time of writing this and it seems to me this is all just in your head

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 02/04/2023 05:52

I never notice the state of other people's houses, it would have to be worthy of an episode of hoarders for me to take note. Im very critical of my own mess, don't GAF about anyone else's.

Mumma · 02/04/2023 05:54

I wouldn't care about this. Do you think they dont have slobby days?? Everyone does.
Seeing friends is way more important than cleaning!! Life is way too short to worry about this! Drop a text and make a joke about it like invite them over for a take away and promise to clean up first.... xxx

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 06:01

I try not to turn up unannounced but the last thing I think of if I do is the state of the place

And if people turn up unannounced to us I doubt they care, I don't think it's rude not everything is some drawn put controlled well thought out plan sometimes things happen

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 02/04/2023 06:02

I think if I were your friend I would feel like a twat for dropping in on you unexpectedly and disturbing your nice slobby day.

it sounds like you have the average home with a 2 and 4 yr old inside.

people who think turning up without warning is okay are dickheads. I had friends (I’ve ditched them) who thought it was HILARIOUS that unexpected house calls irritated me immensely. They couldn’t undyi wanted a heads up. I’m a messy introvert and I need a run up to any visitors crossing the threshold, thanks.

donttellmehesalive · 02/04/2023 06:04

I always say we are ill if unexpected visitors turn up.

But I wouldn't give it a second thought. They should be embarrassed about turning up without at least texting advance warning. I never notice untidiness in anyone else's house and if I do, I'm relieved.

DarlingG · 02/04/2023 06:11

I had someone from work turn up with flowers when I was off sick. It wasn’t someone who had ever been to my house before and I literally panicked when I saw her pull into my driveway. In hindsight I should probably have just lay down and kidded on I wasn’t in but instead I went to the door and said oh sorry I’ve got the flu or I’d have asked you in, don’t want to give you my germs 🙈 my husband’s friend from work drops him off every other day and occasionally comes in if he needs to pick something up. My blood runs cold if I hear him come in the door and the place is a bombiste. Their house is like a show home at all times! Washing is the worst one I think and I always have it hanging up or sitting in baskets to be taken upstairs. Dishes piled up at the sink if the dishwasher hasn’t been emptied yet but when you’ve got a toddler (who gets IN the dishwasher) it is easier to wait until he goes to bed to do it so that’s like every day. I think having kids toys everywhere just adds to the feeling of chaos too then add in some jackets and surfaces needing wiped. It can all get like that within about an hour though and if I know anyone is coming I clean for a good 2/3 hours first, just to put the basic stuff away!

ChilliHeelerFanClub · 02/04/2023 06:13

Another one who keeps her own house very tidy but genuinely doesn’t take note when other people’s houses are less tidy than mine. I’d have to be wading through piles of takeaway boxes before I’d think “well this place is a bomb site”

loislovesstewie · 02/04/2023 06:18

If anyone came to mine today they would be entertained in the bedroom(!) . The ground floor is full of building supplies as I'm having work done, only to the ground floor, but it's a health hazard at the moment. If I had the gall to just knock on a friends door without texting first I would expect them to be just living their usual lives and wouldn't think twice about any mess. They should have contacted you,because no one knows what people are doing at the weekend or in fact any time, i.e. building work etc. It's rude not to.

JudgeRudy · 02/04/2023 06:31

CuriousMama · 02/04/2023 04:29

I'm glad it's not just me thinks it's rude.

It is rude. Well it's rude to expect to be invited in. I have a very high social pressure threshold - when this happens to me I just ask what they want. If they say they were just passing and thought they'd pop in on the off chance I say, oh it's not really convenient, sorry. No ones ever asked for more details. I did once say 'it's not a good time' and was asked if everything was OK, so it's always not convenient.
My close friends and family know its never convenient to just turn up. I find it strange that someone would invite someone in when they were embarrassed about the state of the house, yet feel uncomfortable 'refusing entry'. I assume they've chosen the path of least resistance which indicates social pressure to be 'polite' is stronget than I thought

LemonDrizzle10 · 02/04/2023 06:40

A lot of my friends when they turn up are relieved that our house looks pretty much identical to theirs. If you’ve got young kids you’re fighting a losing battle trying to keep the place tidy. Slob days are essential!

CeriB82 · 02/04/2023 06:46

Mumsnet don’t allow rude people popping by your house.

Alighttouchonthetiller · 02/04/2023 06:54

Try not to fret about it, OP. I'm fond of the saying, 'The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.'

AmniMajus · 02/04/2023 07:06

I would be so annoyed too. I’m a secret slob who likes a pristine house when guests are coming. I want a 10 min warning so I can have a frantic whip round before people show up.

Its a bit extreme but one of the many reason we put electric gates in was to give us warning people were on their way, now they have to be buzzed in!