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Original poster

So embarrassed by unexpected guests

252 replies

MortifiedMolly · 02/04/2023 04:23

We were having a really slobby day yesterday. It was mid afternoon and we were all in our pyjamas. There was leftover lunch in various places (thanks to my 2 and 4 year olds), crumbs all over the floor and piles of washing everywhere. This is actually quite unusual for me, I'm usually on top of things but it had been a tiring week and DH hasn't been well, so I've been managing by myself a lot.

Then there is a knock on the door; friends who we hadn't seen for ages and had just been passing by. Caught off guard, I enthusiastically welcomed them in.

It's now 4am and I can't sleep because I'm so embarrassed about the state the house was in. I feel like I never want to see them again!

Not sure why I'm posting this, perhaps someone can make me feel better?? Gah!

OP posts:
SadMadGlad · 02/04/2023 10:13

Oh I feel for you @MortifiedMolly. I love those lazy days. We need them! Your friends are rude. A simple text or a phone call, nothing? Rude af! I wouldn't have answered the door to be honest.

Oopswediditagain2023 · 02/04/2023 10:15

I honestly never notice things like that in other people's houses (and I'm usually a real neat freak at home!) but I genuinely never see it in other people's homes.

The worst was my mum and dad who'd had a big party the night before, only for their extremely judgemental and religious church-going friend to "pop in" on the way to church at 10am to find the house covered in empty bottles and stinking of cigarettes. 😂

PlacidPenelope · 02/04/2023 10:17

As someone earlier said - they came to see you not your house. They were dropping in on the off chance they would hardly expect your house to be pristine.

They are friends and he enthusiastic welcome into your house is what counts not the fact it was a bit untidy.

ZeroWorshipHere · 02/04/2023 10:18

wonkylegs · 02/04/2023 09:50

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
That's a really sad way to view life
What about the friend who needs a shoulder to cry on/ a break from the kids before they snap/ needs help, support, friendship?
Do we all need to book in for hug, breakdown or emergency in advance?
My home is private in the sense that not everyone can just wander in but that doesn't mean I won't welcome friends, family & neighbours if they knock on the door.

I don’t always have the mental capacity for my own problems let alone someone else dropping by unannounced for a whinge, a cry, empathy whatever.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 02/04/2023 10:18

I agree with others, it's massively rude to pop in on people unannounced. I remember a friend doing it to me before when I'd spent all the previous night in hospital with my child, she knew this and rocked up with a friend of hers I barely knew. I was livid

ZeroWorshipHere · 02/04/2023 10:20

I do like how people are like I would NEVER judge - unless it was really old dirt. So you do judge then. Don’t look at the skirting boards - better yet why don’t you just not come

bakermummy21 · 02/04/2023 10:21

It's definitely changed from when I was young. We have friends that say oh I was passing your house but didn't like to call in in case you were busy. Just a quick text would of solved that.

Howembarrassingisthis · 02/04/2023 10:34

I've name changed to write this as I've told people in real life. A few years ago a family member and their girfriend turned up at my house, early morning, while I was in the shower. I wasn't going to answer but my son was in the window waving. So I went downstairs in a towel. ( lived in a flat).At the time I was heavily pregnant and the towel was riding up. I let them in and then the girlfriend said she'd brought her brother with her from America and he appears from behind her. I had never met this man before in my life and I'm stood there dripping wet, in a short towel which barely covered me up.
He was a gentleman and insisted on allowing me to walk up he stairs before him which meant he probably got an eyeful of my ass. Then made all the more embarrassing when he couldn't understand my accent at all. I still cringe about it now. But I hope that made you feel better, OP.

Coastalvenues · 02/04/2023 10:43

I hate all the 'i don't mind what your house or you look like' it's not about whether you mind, it's about whether I mind and I do! Just text beforehand fgs

dooneyousmugelf · 02/04/2023 10:44

It took me until quite recently to realise I'm probably viewed as standoffish and unsociable (which is fine by me!) because if neighbours ever pop round for any reason I will stand on the doorstep and chat, also if a family member swings by to drop off a card or whatever, I'll stand and have a quick chat. It never occurred to me to invite anyone in unless I'm actually ok with it, ie have agreed and prepared for visits in advance. I just wouldn't...no thanks! 😂

PrincessHoneysuckle · 02/04/2023 10:45

I hate unexpected visitors.Dh family have form for this and it's fucking rude.

familyissues12345 · 02/04/2023 10:48

I'd hate that too!

If I turned up at someone's house unannounced, not that I would, there's no way I'd judge what they/it looks like

Stargreenlight · 02/04/2023 10:48

Decent people don't 'drop in' on others. It's rude to assume that you would be ready to greet visitors and delighted to see them. I think it's a class thing, growing up my family would never dream of calling in unannounced and we always spoke disparagingly of anyone who did this. Yet my my parents were warm intelligent people who were fabulous at entertaining, be it casual suppers or more formal dinner parties.
I have one friend who does this and it annoys the hell out of our group. Even a quick text or call giving 30 mins notice would be OK but just turning up shows a distinct lack of tact and intelligence, regardless of the state of your house.

Snugglemonkey · 02/04/2023 10:55

piedbeauty · 02/04/2023 08:13

Why is it rude??

Because it is intruding on someone's day without invitation. Most people want notice to prepare themselves, the house etc. They want the choice of having visitors or not. Just calling puts people in an awkward position. Good manners prevent people feeling awkward. It is rude to create such positions.

I don't answer the door if I am not expecting someone/ something.

jaqueandjill · 02/04/2023 10:56

It's SO rude to turn up at somebody's house unannounced. Luckily I've never had this happen to me - all my friends and family are decent people who would never dream of it.

The one comfort I would take OP is that anybody who does this is so lacking in any kind of awareness that they probably won't have noticed anything. I bet they stand chatting at the bottom of escalators too.

Snugglemonkey · 02/04/2023 10:56

Somebodiesmother · 02/04/2023 08:57

Then they can tell them they are busy. It's not rude to turn up uninvited. It's only rude if they push to come in when you tell them you don't want them to

Show quote history

That creates awkwardness. It is rude!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 02/04/2023 10:56

wonkylegs · 02/04/2023 09:50

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
That's a really sad way to view life
What about the friend who needs a shoulder to cry on/ a break from the kids before they snap/ needs help, support, friendship?
Do we all need to book in for hug, breakdown or emergency in advance?
My home is private in the sense that not everyone can just wander in but that doesn't mean I won't welcome friends, family & neighbours if they knock on the door.

Fortunately i don't have unstable, miserable people barging into my home expecting amateur psychotherapy. And am not "sad" at all about it.

My friends and family are capable of arranging mutually convenient meetups. Because they are considerate of others.

Lampzade · 02/04/2023 11:02

Sorry, but if you are coming to my house you better let me know
I dislike unannounced visitors and also make sure that I don’t visit anyone’s home without informing them

WalkingThroughTreacle · 02/04/2023 11:07

"I opened the door in my pyjamas......"

That's a rather strange place to have a door, don't you think?

Justlovedogs · 02/04/2023 11:18

Pepperama · 02/04/2023 05:43

They came to see you, not to do a house inspection. If I drop by I don’t expect it to be tidy (or even when it’s announced) - some friends have clinical homes with everything in its place at all times, others have got more chaotic everything is everywhere homes. As a friend I honestly don’t care, I just want to spend time with them!

100% this. Friends drop in to see you, not your house. If they're bothered by a little bit of normal life 'mess', you need better friends, imo!
Forgot and move on. Flowers

wonkylegs · 02/04/2023 11:18

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
No one comes barging into my home
I welcome people who have normal human emotions into my life and usually offer them a cup of tea rather than psychotherapy but you see whatever you want to see.
You do whatever works for you, doesn't bother me but I do feel it's sad that we are at a point were so many people seem to find normal human interaction scary or objectionable.

There is always the option to say I'm busy/not answer the door/talk to people on the doorstep you don't HAVE to let anyone in.
I know that some people find this harder than others but some of that might be because we have got out of practice of being social and technology has enabled a reinforcement of that isolation.

Twiglets1 · 02/04/2023 11:31

wonkylegs · 02/04/2023 10:04

@Twiglets1
I don't think I'm an empathetic person quite often I'm really not but I do just try to be human
I do tend to phone or text in advance but also get that sometimes that just doesn't happen for various reasons or in the case of a neighbour would be OTT

What do you mean you try to be human? Are you saying that people who don’t like unexpected visitors aren’t as human as you? We’re just all different, that’s all. And clearly a lot of people don’t like people calling on them without warning, that’s not “sad” using your description.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 02/04/2023 11:32

I bet they did not give a shit - I am more interested in the person rather than their housekeeping.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 02/04/2023 11:35

We have to get over judging other women and expecting to be judged by the standards of their housework. It is the equivalent of the mother in law coming over with her white gloves to check the dusting has been done. We are all busy people, sometimes houses are not immaculate. Houses that are always clean and tidy are a little creepy, no one living a life is always perfect.

dottiedodah · 02/04/2023 11:43

I think just to say "you will have to take us as you find us " and laugh .Its rude to just show up I think.You could have all sorts of plans in place or just fancy a quiet day!