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Original poster

So embarrassed by unexpected guests

252 replies

MortifiedMolly · 02/04/2023 04:23

We were having a really slobby day yesterday. It was mid afternoon and we were all in our pyjamas. There was leftover lunch in various places (thanks to my 2 and 4 year olds), crumbs all over the floor and piles of washing everywhere. This is actually quite unusual for me, I'm usually on top of things but it had been a tiring week and DH hasn't been well, so I've been managing by myself a lot.

Then there is a knock on the door; friends who we hadn't seen for ages and had just been passing by. Caught off guard, I enthusiastically welcomed them in.

It's now 4am and I can't sleep because I'm so embarrassed about the state the house was in. I feel like I never want to see them again!

Not sure why I'm posting this, perhaps someone can make me feel better?? Gah!

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 03/04/2023 23:53

I think that’s quite rude to turn up unannounced.

I would never just rock up to my friends house without an invite!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 04/04/2023 01:16

userxx · 03/04/2023 22:13

@WomanStanleyWoman2 Because they sound angry maybe.

I didn’t see any anger - just someone who doesn’t like surprise visitors and is completely comfortable with saying so.

Heyhoitsme · 04/04/2023 06:22

Unexpected guests are quite rude. One Christmas we were just sitting down to Christmas lunch. The doorbell rang and a couple we barely knew, and their kids were on the doorstep saying they came to wish us happy Christmas. Husband invited them in and chatted in the lounge while the rest of us ate our lunch, through gritted teeth! It completely ruined our lunch as husband had to have his later. He is so polite he wouldn't make anyone feel unwelcome. They stayed about an hour.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/04/2023 07:36

ReadersD1gest · Yesterday 10:18
MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 10:09

Why are you embarrassed, they’re the rude ones. Who turns up unannounced?

Lots of people. Relax...”

Very relaxed here. Don’t answer the bell if we’re not expecting anyone.

blebbleb · 04/04/2023 07:38

@Heyhoitsme that's so rude of them! I don't know what possessed them to think it's ok to turn up unannounced Christmas Day??? They must be very boring/bored themselves.

faffadoodledo · 04/04/2023 08:44

@Heyhoitsme why on Earth didn't your husband just say 'we're about to sit down to lunch..' and shoo them away? Or why didn't you just butt in and say 'lovely to see you but it's Xmas and we're about to sit down to lunch'
I'm not particularly assertive but think I could have managed that!. The visitors were obviously weird but so was the response, to encourage them!

faffadoodledo · 04/04/2023 08:45

What o mean is, they could have been turned away just as politely as they were invited in!

Bugbabe1970 · 04/04/2023 08:48

They were rude not to have checked it was ok first
Don't worry about it OP...if she judges you on this she's not a friend, we are all allowed a day off from life.

faffadoodledo · 04/04/2023 08:49

I'm a weirdo who generally doesn't mind friends popping by. But have a tongue in my head. Recently we had some people we barely know drop round to offer condolences on the death of both my parents. I knew they were just being quizzy because I knew they'd actually had a bit of neighbourly conflict with my dear parents, so I politely made excuses and off they toddled. They didn't get past the front door.

smizing · 04/04/2023 08:51

ReadersD1gest · 03/04/2023 22:42

Yo do sound a little aerated, tbh. You can want what you want without sounding quite so intense 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

At this point I'm convinced some of you are just saying things for no reason. If passing my point across clearly is sounding "intense" or "angry" then so be it love. Still don't want people coming to my house unannounced. I still think it's bloody rude. If you like that then very good for you. The earth still rotates!

OldMam · 04/04/2023 09:30

My DH and I have always worked from home, often to tight deadlines and while juggling children and domestic demands. People turning unexpectedly is the bane of our lives. That’s why it’s rude. You wouldn’t turn up unexpectedly at someone’s workplace expecting coffee and a chat. People have plans.

fancydressjess · 04/04/2023 12:34

Heyhoitsme · 04/04/2023 06:22

Unexpected guests are quite rude. One Christmas we were just sitting down to Christmas lunch. The doorbell rang and a couple we barely knew, and their kids were on the doorstep saying they came to wish us happy Christmas. Husband invited them in and chatted in the lounge while the rest of us ate our lunch, through gritted teeth! It completely ruined our lunch as husband had to have his later. He is so polite he wouldn't make anyone feel unwelcome. They stayed about an hour.

Wtaf, who does that on Christmas Day?!?! Did their oven break and they're secretly hoping for lunch?!?! Absolute pyschos!

Kteeb1 · 04/04/2023 12:44

Years ago before mobiles alot of visits were unnaounced. I think it was nice. One of the problems with social media is that we often play out our best lives there, and pretend we all have amazing tidy houses and wonderful activities every weekend that don't end in arguments about Sat nav and over tired children who you want to shake into gratefulness. We perpetuate perfection. And rarely do people have show homes all the time. How you live your life to the best you can is up to you. Your friends wanted to see you and I think seeing a family resting and being with each other and not worrying about clearing up straight away is nice. We should all do more of that!

DarlingG · 04/04/2023 13:04

My friend came over before a night out once. We have a downstairs toilet but she must have forgotten this. The main bathroom upstairs is very much ‘my’ bathroom and is always covered in clothes/mess but as no one else EVER sees it it means I don’t actually tidy it that often. I was in the kitchen and heard her running up the stairs to the upstairs bathroom. I could have DIED. I couldn’t really go and roar up the stairs that she was to come down so just had to sit there waiting on her to come back down 🙈

Delatron · 04/04/2023 13:26

I think it’s very inconsiderate verging on rude to rock up unannounced- because you can always text these days? And it’s so presumptuous that the person you’re dropping in on has nothing else on so can chat and entertain you.

I would never do this. But if anyone’s house is a bit messy I’m always secretly relived! So I don’t think people mind. It’s just embarrassing and puts the host out.

MarigoldGoes · 04/04/2023 13:33

I’m quite surprised to read that so many people hate unannounced visitors. I much prefer an unannounced visitor as I don’t have to worry about tidying up or having the right drinks or snacks in.

Visits organised in advance make me feel anxious and cross. I particularly dislike it when people text to say they will be in the area later and ask if I will be around. How long for? It feels like they are trying to reserve my time and I want to run away. If they just turn up I get the pleasure of seeing them without the pressure beforehand.

I wouldn’t just turn up at someone else’s house myself though. They might be doing some creepy or weird sex thing and I’d rather not know about it thank you.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 04/04/2023 15:04

I think it would be quite in order to say to anyone calling in uninvited on Christmas Day. "We have family here for Christmas lunch, we don't always have the chance to get together and I've just spent all morning cooking it so as you can imagine, I can't really put it on hold as we are all poised to sit down and eat. . Many thanks for your Christmas good wishes, maybe next time text or phone if you want to call round. . Happy Christmas!!!!"

JumpToRecipe · 04/04/2023 15:07

It’s so rude to drop in totally unexpectedly and this isn’t a modern post-mobiles thing. I can remember my parents’ friends ringing ahead to ask if they could drop by in the 80s.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 04/04/2023 17:12

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 04/04/2023 15:04

I think it would be quite in order to say to anyone calling in uninvited on Christmas Day. "We have family here for Christmas lunch, we don't always have the chance to get together and I've just spent all morning cooking it so as you can imagine, I can't really put it on hold as we are all poised to sit down and eat. . Many thanks for your Christmas good wishes, maybe next time text or phone if you want to call round. . Happy Christmas!!!!"

Have I missed something? Some pp think this unexpected visit was on Christmas Day. Was it?

Moxysright · 04/04/2023 18:32

OldMam · 04/04/2023 09:30

My DH and I have always worked from home, often to tight deadlines and while juggling children and domestic demands. People turning unexpectedly is the bane of our lives. That’s why it’s rude. You wouldn’t turn up unexpectedly at someone’s workplace expecting coffee and a chat. People have plans.

This!! We have family who don’t this! They just can not grasp the concept of WFH and thought just because we were ‘in’ they could pop round! F**k offffff!!

browneyes77 · 04/04/2023 18:40

Heyhoitsme · 04/04/2023 06:22

Unexpected guests are quite rude. One Christmas we were just sitting down to Christmas lunch. The doorbell rang and a couple we barely knew, and their kids were on the doorstep saying they came to wish us happy Christmas. Husband invited them in and chatted in the lounge while the rest of us ate our lunch, through gritted teeth! It completely ruined our lunch as husband had to have his later. He is so polite he wouldn't make anyone feel unwelcome. They stayed about an hour.

I wouldn’t have even answered the door 🤣
And given it was someone you barely knew, I wouldn’t have lost any sleep if I’d offended them by saying you’re in the middle of Xmas dinner with family and therefore cannot invite them in.

That’s exceptionally rude!

faffadoodledo · 05/04/2023 07:40

Well quite. @browneyes77 . I don't understand this aversion to uninvited guests when a simple 'no, we're busy' does the job. Sure the visitors are weird for coming uninvited on xmas day. But it's equally weird not to have the confidence on your own threashold to state your own wishes.
I am very polite but very firm when I don't have the time or inclination to see someone. Equally if it was someone I was pleasantly surprised to say I'd be able to say 'come in'.
Best one of these I ever saw was when DS returned from a long trip away and surprised his granny. I lay in wait in the bushes to take a pic of their reunion. It was golden. Unexpected visitors can be a joy. But if they're not, use the tongue in your head!

browneyes77 · 05/04/2023 10:25

faffadoodledo · 05/04/2023 07:40

Well quite. @browneyes77 . I don't understand this aversion to uninvited guests when a simple 'no, we're busy' does the job. Sure the visitors are weird for coming uninvited on xmas day. But it's equally weird not to have the confidence on your own threashold to state your own wishes.
I am very polite but very firm when I don't have the time or inclination to see someone. Equally if it was someone I was pleasantly surprised to say I'd be able to say 'come in'.
Best one of these I ever saw was when DS returned from a long trip away and surprised his granny. I lay in wait in the bushes to take a pic of their reunion. It was golden. Unexpected visitors can be a joy. But if they're not, use the tongue in your head!

I quite agree!

Unexpected visitors are usually only a joy, when it’s someone you’re close to and would be genuinely happy to see and welcome.

And I understand some people are scared to upset others and don’t want any ill feeling/confrontation, but if it’s someone you barely know, then that for me would be much easier to say no to, because I don’t know them well enough to care if they’re offended and never want to see me again! 😂 (And on the plus side if they do get offended, they’re less likely to turn up unannounced in future. Problem solved 🤣)

Elaina87 · 05/04/2023 14:34

I can only help you feel better by saying that sounds like my house 80% of the time! I work full time and it's very hard to keep on top of things. Real friends won't care, but if it were me I'd prob just message saying sorry about the state of the house, it had been a hard week! Just to make myself feel better :)

AuntMarch · 06/04/2023 06:35

Absolutely no excuse not to at least drop a text "we are in the area today..xyz".

In fact I would still only be saying "do you want to come and grab a coffee/pint/half hour at the park with the kids"