Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

So embarrassed by unexpected guests

252 replies

MortifiedMolly · 02/04/2023 04:23

We were having a really slobby day yesterday. It was mid afternoon and we were all in our pyjamas. There was leftover lunch in various places (thanks to my 2 and 4 year olds), crumbs all over the floor and piles of washing everywhere. This is actually quite unusual for me, I'm usually on top of things but it had been a tiring week and DH hasn't been well, so I've been managing by myself a lot.

Then there is a knock on the door; friends who we hadn't seen for ages and had just been passing by. Caught off guard, I enthusiastically welcomed them in.

It's now 4am and I can't sleep because I'm so embarrassed about the state the house was in. I feel like I never want to see them again!

Not sure why I'm posting this, perhaps someone can make me feel better?? Gah!

OP posts:
CrystalCoco · 02/04/2023 07:07

What do people expect if they drop by unannounced, that we're all just sitting around in a super-clean-guest-ready house, hair and make up done, just waiting, on the off chance that someone (inconsiderate) might knock on the door...

I cannot stand people 'just passing' it's rude and presumptuous, if I want to see you / you want to see me, then make plans like 'normal people'.

When I first met DH he had been single for a good while and loved nothing more than an unexpected visitor, sadly for him, the open-door policy had to change.

If you randomly happen upon my house, you'll be very surprised as I can look like a troll without hair/makeup/nice clothes - this is how I chill at home, it's not for anyone else's consumption.

JenniferBarkley · 02/04/2023 07:18

My kids are the same ages, our house would look similar especially if we'd been sick. Your friends really should've called ahead, this is on them not you. I doubt they mind or that they're judging. Probably just relieved to see your house looks like theirs!

Enko · 02/04/2023 07:20

I wouldn't habe cared I would have wanted to spend time with my friends.

Bodybags · 02/04/2023 07:21

I have a question.
What did you do while the visitors were there?
Did you stick the kettle on?
Did you crack open the biscuits or maybe a bit of cake?

If you did all of the above then you are great friends. I’d be delighted to see you.

Id feel far more relaxed surrounded by washing, seeing you with sticking up hair and pjs than sitting in a pristine show home worried about dropping crumbs.

That said, what’s wrong with a fucking text to check it’s ok to pop in while passing from the droppers in!? What’s wrong with people. Rude.

Mindymomo · 02/04/2023 07:28

It’s always the way, tidy house, never any visitors but messy house and you get callers.

Winter41 · 02/04/2023 07:33

You may well have made their day. I am.always delighted if i see that someones house is a bit of a mess as it makes me feel better about mine! Perfect homes just make me feel inferior!

FishChipsMushyPeas · 02/04/2023 07:36

If someone dropped in on me uninvited and then made any kind of judgement about the state of the house, they wouldn't be welcome back.

piedbeauty · 02/04/2023 07:39

God, everyone in MN thinks that turning up unannounced is rude, so I'd take these replies with a pinch of salt.

You saw your friends and had a nice time. Presumably they had to come to see you, not to critique your house?? Don't give it another thought.

DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife · 02/04/2023 07:42

piedbeauty · 02/04/2023 07:39

God, everyone in MN thinks that turning up unannounced is rude, so I'd take these replies with a pinch of salt.

You saw your friends and had a nice time. Presumably they had to come to see you, not to critique your house?? Don't give it another thought.

Well it is rude?

Maybe it's an age thing? I can understand how many years ago before everyone had house phones why people would end up dropping by. But in 2023, it's not exactly difficult to get in touch beforehand is it.

piedbeauty · 02/04/2023 08:13

Why is it rude??

user1471538283 · 02/04/2023 08:19

You have small children! You've got alot on! It honestly wouldn't bother me.

I used to apologise when my DS was small and a number of my friends said to stop.

One of my most lovely memories of my DGM was when I was with her, her looking at her house (which wasn't unclean but had been lived in) and saying "no not doing it" and taking me out for the day!

Please don't worry

BadNomad · 02/04/2023 08:19

It's rude because some people don't want other people to see their house looking like a mess. It doesn't matter if the other people care or not.

Phoebo · 02/04/2023 08:21

Awkward, but real friends wouldn't care. Friends only care if you have wine 😁

TroysMammy · 02/04/2023 08:22

As a very good friend once said "I came to see you not your house".

catmothertes1 · 02/04/2023 08:24

With mobile phones,there is no excuse for dropping on people without warning.

Whichnumbers · 02/04/2023 08:24

I’d be hurt if my friend turned me away at the front door & id be upset that I’d bothered to call.

whereas you welcomed those friends in with open arms and made them feel special

7eleven · 02/04/2023 08:24

I feel your pain OP. I try to keep my house ‘visitor ready’ for this very reason. Sod’s Law that the occasions the house is a mess, someone knocks in the door.

MrsJBaptiste · 02/04/2023 08:38

FFS, you might not like people calling in unannounced but it isn't rude 🙄 it's just a normal thing that friends do.

Well my friends anyway but threads like this confirm (yet again) that I am so far from the MN norm...

blebbleb · 02/04/2023 08:41

I'm assuming the people who don't think it's rude to turn up unannounced are the ones who think it's ok to do it to others and are completely oblivious if someone is uncomfortable. It's basic manners to check if someone is happy with you visiting first, either if they're home or not. This isn't an episode of Friends!

WitchDancer · 02/04/2023 08:45

Those that mind don't matter. Those that matter don't mind.

If you were my friend I really wouldn't give two hoots and would be grateful you are human!

ClairDeLaLune · 02/04/2023 08:47

There’s a poem about this sort of scenario. Part of it goes:

People who mind seldom matter
And people who matter don’t mind

I’m 57 and I’ve long since given up on giving a fuck what people think about me or the state of my house. If they judge then they’re not the sort of people I want as friends. I’m sure your friends were fine about it OP. Pretty rude of them to turn up unannounced though - have they not heard of mobile phones?

Twiglets1 · 02/04/2023 08:47

WitchDancer · 02/04/2023 08:45

Those that mind don't matter. Those that matter don't mind.

If you were my friend I really wouldn't give two hoots and would be grateful you are human!

Being human is my minimum requirement in a friend but I take your point.

Goldinlay · 02/04/2023 08:51

I absolutely hate unexpected visitors. Until recently I lived very close to one of my best friends, I love her to bits but she’d regularly knock when walking past. If I was out of sight I’d just not answer but often she’d already have noticed me in the living room. I love people in small doses.

gogohmm · 02/04/2023 08:51

A bit rude to come unannounced though I must admit I do not get pyjamas in the afternoon, at 11am you might catch me in my dressing gown but I've never not got dressed, just seems wrong and doesn't set a good example to the kids (and despite the fact they adults we have rules over dress at the table for evening meals, the only time we eat together, no pyjamas, lounge pants or other can't be bothered clothes.

Crumpetdisappointment · 02/04/2023 08:53

i never forget friends popping in unexpectedly,
i think my knickers and trousers were in the sitting room,
the bath was dirty
shameful, never forgotten