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Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
24KaratCucumber · 01/04/2023 22:40

I'd be going berserk at the teachers there and then. Mix up with the emails be damned.

I'd then be taking child to eat as much pizza McDonalds ice cream candy floss or sweets as they could handle. I'd probably get them a new toy or two too. I'd probably even buy them a shiny trophy of their own just for being awesome.

Hiddenvoice · 01/04/2023 22:43

That sounds so awful for your son. It’s heartbreaking to see them like that. Was the email sent to all parents? In my school we don’t send emails for the awards as it can make some children assume they are getting an award and it can build pressure.

I would have taken him out to celebrate his hard work and make a nicer start to the spring break. Once school has started again then I’d contact the school and ask how they will make sure this mixup won’t happen again. They might not see it as a big deal as they will expect that your son will get an award as he travels up through primary school.

BeetyAxe · 01/04/2023 22:46

Oh my god that’s awful. I would also buy him all the treats I could afford and then as soon as the school reopens get on to them and make them understand the impact of this and make damn sure that he gets something at the next awards ceremony. Awful😭

MissHavershamReturns · 01/04/2023 22:46

That’s awful op. I’m angry and sad for your l.o. And you too.

Email to headteacher to ask if there’s a way something could be done as he was devastated? Ask her was there an error as he should have got one according to the email. Could ask if there’s something they can recognise him for next time

eg kindness.

In the meantime make him a certificate yourself on the printer or buy from Amazon/eBay etc

I loathe these award ceremonies.

Original poster
OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:49

You only get an email if your child is getting an award. The email even said: you are invited as your son (ds name) will be receiving an award.

I wish I'd said more at the time and let them know how worked up about it he was the night before and how I now owe an hour at work.

OP posts:
Thatsshallot1967 · 01/04/2023 22:50

Oh op.. this is so sad. I, too, would be devastated for my child and would be taking this up with the school immediately. Absolutely not ok for the teacher to dismiss this as just an error. Has he now finished school for Easter? I would not hesitate to write to the head now and not leave it until the start of term. They could then rectify it by giving your little boy a certificate anyway when he returns.

You sound like a brilliant mum. A pp's suggestion of pizza, ice cream etc in the meantime, and of course telling him how fab he is, sounds spot on.

Nimbostratus100 · 01/04/2023 22:53

I am so sorry this happened to your child, it is really horrible- yes, complain to the school, I am not sure what they can do now to undo the upset caused, but they need to give him a certificate for something now, having said they were going to

modgepodge · 01/04/2023 22:54

Oh this is so sad 😞 I dread this sort of mix up happening to me (as a teacher) as I can see how soul destroying it would be. Our head looks at which parents are sat in the audience at the start of assembly and a couple of times she’s come to me to check why a certain parent is there because she didn’t think their child had won anything. Thankfully there’s always been an explanation.

I do think you should make a fuss with the school; no apology from the teacher is awful! I’d be mortified if this happened to a child/parent in my class. Not much can be done now to alleviate his disappointment but an apology as a bare minimum and a change in process to make sure it doesn’t happen again!

Hunter2501 · 01/04/2023 22:54

I’d be very annoyed for both DC and the fact getting time off for these things are hard.
However, this did happen to my DD when she was in reception. At that point everyone got something, except her name wasn’t called. She came out saying she was the only one who didn’t get an award and I went down the route of saying “you won’t get something everytime, I’m sure your not the only one” ect. Only t ok have the teacher call, mortified that she’d been missed

xyzandabc · 01/04/2023 22:55

Playing devil's advocate here. Did the email actually say he was getting an award? Or was it just inviting you to the assembly, as it says in the OP?
Where did he/you get the idea from that he was getting an award? Who told him he was getting one?

If the school or teacher actually told you or him that he was getting an award, and then he didn't, that terrible and definitely worth having a chat after with them after the holidays about what happened and how devastated Ds was.

If you assumed he was getting an award, because you were invited to the assembly, then that's more if a misunderstanding/miscommunication. Perhaps a bit of a strange way of doing things on the schools part but if that's the way they've always done it, they probably won't see the problem.

Eatentoomanyroses · 01/04/2023 22:56

What a bloody cock up! So sorry op.

xyzandabc · 01/04/2023 22:57

Cross posted with your reply of 22.49. The email said he was getting an award, definitely have a further word with them after the holidays. That's a bad mistake on their part.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 01/04/2023 22:58

I'd be really cross OP, and I'd take it up with the school. They should be mortified this happened.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/04/2023 22:59

I would expect them to give him an award next time, and to tell him now that that would be happening and that it was a mistake he didn't get one this time. Since these awards are pure bullshit anyway, I can't see any reason not to do that.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 01/04/2023 22:59

This is so sad. He should have had an award by now. I’m a KS2 teacher and we make sure every child get an award for something each term. I would absolutely kick up a fuss. Tell the teacher how he felt, tell the head too.

Original poster
OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:59

@xyzandabc yes, the email said ds name and that he was getting an award. You only get invited if your child is to get an award.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 01/04/2023 23:00

Just read your update! That’s awful op and you have every right to be annoyed. Why not draft an email to send to them letting them know how prepared your son was and how disappointed and hurt he was at the end. I would also comment on how blaze the class teacher was about it all.

Hiddenvoice · 01/04/2023 23:02

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 01/04/2023 22:59

This is so sad. He should have had an award by now. I’m a KS2 teacher and we make sure every child get an award for something each term. I would absolutely kick up a fuss. Tell the teacher how he felt, tell the head too.

I also second this, as primary teacher we make sure that each child has been given an award by the end of the year. We don’t have parent assemblies for them but they are given out during school assemblies.

Mammyloveswine · 01/04/2023 23:12

This is awful op!!! And breaks my heart for your poor DS!

My youngest DS had never received an award at all... I was saying to my sister it was a bit sad but his school obviously doesn't just tick off every child (I do, each child in my class will get star of the week at least once!)..

Anyway yesterday he did get his star of the week moment and he was just so proud to show me!

Id definitely be asking about this OP as it's not acceptable!!

soddingspiderseason · 01/04/2023 23:13

This is absolutely bloody awful. The Head needs to redress this urgently and make sure your son is apologised to personally that they 'forgot to read his name out' and given his award at the next assembly, with you invited. This is their mistake and they need to fix it and redress the damage done to your son's confidence.

BeatriceFranklin · 01/04/2023 23:18

I’d email the school and ask why you received the email as you were advised your child was receiving an award.

When I taught the procedure for awards was that you emailed the admin with the names to receive awards in your class, they sent out the invites to parents, the list was checked by the HT and certificates had to be in to the HT a week before for checking and to be put into class order for presenting. The school always checked the children were present for awards on the day and checked the parents attending against the children’s name. If a parent was there whose child wasn’t getting an award there was a LOT of running around behind the scenes and an award magically appeared!

The invite also asked parents not to tell children they were receiving an award as it was a surprise.

BeatriceFranklin · 01/04/2023 23:20

24KaratCucumber · 01/04/2023 22:40

I'd be going berserk at the teachers there and then. Mix up with the emails be damned.

I'd then be taking child to eat as much pizza McDonalds ice cream candy floss or sweets as they could handle. I'd probably get them a new toy or two too. I'd probably even buy them a shiny trophy of their own just for being awesome.

Why ‘go berserk’ at a teacher? This could be an administrative error for goodness sake.

GreenTiger12345 · 01/04/2023 23:24

Your poor DS! Something similar happened to my DS in the past (they where twins and one got award and one didn't but included both names on the email)

If I was you I would email the head or the teacher and ask why his name was on the email if it was a sending error. Maybe see if they can retrospectively give an award to your DS, which the two of you can then go out and celebrate after they 'forgot' to give it to him.

But as above, I would also be taking him out for treats!

purpleme12 · 01/04/2023 23:25

It's not too late to say something OP.
This is completely unacceptable.
You need to emphasise how you and maybe your child were so excited and it meant so much to have actually be part of a special assembly and the let down after.

Commonsensitivity · 01/04/2023 23:29

That's not on. I would be seething too. Treat him as above but also raise it with the school governors showing them the email. The school needs to be accountable for fucking up.

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