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Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
tsmainsqueeze · 02/04/2023 17:28

soddingspiderseason · 01/04/2023 23:13

This is absolutely bloody awful. The Head needs to redress this urgently and make sure your son is apologised to personally that they 'forgot to read his name out' and given his award at the next assembly, with you invited. This is their mistake and they need to fix it and redress the damage done to your son's confidence.

Yes to this , and agree with all who say to treat him big time !
Poor little soul i am so sad they did this to him .

NotQuiteHere · 02/04/2023 17:28

leaving aside the mix-up and the teacher's indifference, how did your son know he was getting an award? It probably were you who told him and made a big deal out of it. It is only important to him if he is aware that it is very important to you.

QuillBill · 02/04/2023 17:32

The best thing they could do would be to completely re examine the way they offer incentives and recognition. For a start I think inviting parents to attend is pretty grim actually, first of all it tips the child off that they are getting a reward ( or in this case not) so spoiling the surprise, and while for some parents being able to attend is great there are others whose work or other commitments means they can never attend, so discriminatory.

It's not grim to invite parents into school. That's a really strange way of looking at things.

I can't go into school if my child gets an award because of my job. So it's up to my husband to take some annual leave. Or if he can't then one of our siblings or one of our parents.

You can't ban parents from being involved in their child's schooling because some people might not be able to attend.

SchrodingersParrot · 02/04/2023 17:32

OP, I'm so sorry for you and for your DS. This behaviour is unforgivable.

Please email the head teacher and tell them what you've told us. It will be interesting to see if the head tries to defend the indefensible.

allmyliesaretrue · 02/04/2023 17:33

NotQuiteHere · 02/04/2023 17:28

leaving aside the mix-up and the teacher's indifference, how did your son know he was getting an award? It probably were you who told him and made a big deal out of it. It is only important to him if he is aware that it is very important to you.

If some people had two brain cells, they'd fight.

StrictlyJowita · 02/04/2023 17:33

for some parents being able to attend is great there are others whose work or other commitments means they can never attend, so discriminatory.

Gosh! Which of the protected characteristics would cover 'has job'?

Lifeomars · 02/04/2023 17:34

I really feel for both of you and I would make your lovely brave boy, he sounds an absolute trooper to be able to hold his upset and disappointment until you got in the car. Yes, do contact the school, may I suggest you draft the email, then sleep on it and review it the next day. You have been through an emotional and upsetting experience and sometimes those feelings might dominate what you say. I am only suggesting this as I helped a mate with a complaint to her child's school and she was understandably very upset and this initially affected the tone of the email. Do feel free to ignore me tho! Hope your boy is feeling a bit better today x

Matlab · 02/04/2023 17:34

NotQuiteHere · 02/04/2023 17:28

leaving aside the mix-up and the teacher's indifference, how did your son know he was getting an award? It probably were you who told him and made a big deal out of it. It is only important to him if he is aware that it is very important to you.

Spot on!

Original poster
OhOGee · 02/04/2023 17:34

NotQuiteHere · 02/04/2023 17:28

leaving aside the mix-up and the teacher's indifference, how did your son know he was getting an award? It probably were you who told him and made a big deal out of it. It is only important to him if he is aware that it is very important to you.

It's become a bit of a thing to ds as he's aware he's one of the last few (if not last) to get an end of term award. It's a small school so you would have thought all the children would get a chance by now.

Also, I had to tell him he was getting the award as he doesn't like surprises so I wanted him to be prepared to have to stand up and be in the spotlight for a moment. It really is that much of a thing for him.

OP posts:
crumpet · 02/04/2023 17:35

Definitely a song and dance. They need to arrange an award (and an apology) for dc asap.

QuillBill · 02/04/2023 17:35

NotQuiteHere · 02/04/2023 17:28

leaving aside the mix-up and the teacher's indifference, how did your son know he was getting an award? It probably were you who told him and made a big deal out of it. It is only important to him if he is aware that it is very important to you.

Don't be daft. It is important to the children. A three times a year big awards assembly!

2023issucky · 02/04/2023 17:35

My daughter once got a 100% attendance award, she was so excited as she never gets them due to having a lot of hospital stuff. She missed one half day on last day of term so we didn't think she would get one.
Another parent complained as she knew we weren't there on last day.
Head teacher phoned me while DD was in the car, on loud speaker. I asked her very clearly if she wanted me to take a medal from a disabled autistic child because one parent complained. She stuttered something about maybe next time she gets one she might not get called up. I hung up.
Definitely complain, your poor DS. He needs pizza and ice cream and a big hug.

BignBootiful · 02/04/2023 17:37

Oh no! I am heartbroken on your ds behalf and I am an old woman. You need to email them and let them know the devastating consequences of the mix-up, tell them everything about DS working himself up to stand up in front of the others (jeez, just writing that chokes me up) and the awful disappointment when his name wasn't called. It's important that you call them out on it because it mustn't happen to another child.

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 02/04/2023 17:38

The school need to right this. Your poor DS. Definitely lots of hugs and a treat this weekend.

PamDoooove · 02/04/2023 17:40

God that's so annoying. I'd be fuming OP and demanding an apology. I really don't like awards ceremonies, I don't think it's a good or useful thing to have. Especially not when this happens.

sjxoxo · 02/04/2023 17:42

Agree with pp’s I’d spoil my child for an evening and I’d go mad at the school… not on. I hate these awards- at primary school it’s ridiculous.

viques · 02/04/2023 17:42

QuillBill · 02/04/2023 17:32

The best thing they could do would be to completely re examine the way they offer incentives and recognition. For a start I think inviting parents to attend is pretty grim actually, first of all it tips the child off that they are getting a reward ( or in this case not) so spoiling the surprise, and while for some parents being able to attend is great there are others whose work or other commitments means they can never attend, so discriminatory.

It's not grim to invite parents into school. That's a really strange way of looking at things.

I can't go into school if my child gets an award because of my job. So it's up to my husband to take some annual leave. Or if he can't then one of our siblings or one of our parents.

You can't ban parents from being involved in their child's schooling because some people might not be able to attend.

And not every child has two parents, or grandparents , or aunties. Some like my child had only one parent who worked in a school and was never able to attend assemblies ,or sports day, or send someone in their place!

I am not saying that parents should never attend anything , but this school is making a greater than normal thing of an award by personally inviting parents by email so perhaps they could think of another way to celebrate a child’s success which would be more inclusive. Which is why I suggested a congratulatory email, maybe with a photograph included of the child, or all the award winners.

Poppyblush · 02/04/2023 17:45

Complain!!

skyeisthelimit · 02/04/2023 17:45

YANBU and I would take it up with the school. They should be mortified that DS was upset and that it was caused by them. Mistakes do happen, but to disappoint a young child like that is not acceptable. As soon as you mentioned it, they should have done something about it as it was their error.

Also, they can put steps into place to prevent it from happening to another child.

Rosula · 02/04/2023 17:49

That's disgraceful. The teacher you spoke to should be ashamed of him or herself, too.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 02/04/2023 17:50

Very upsetting - how dare they dismiss it as just an error. Make sure the HT knows how excited, stressed, nervous and then disappointed he was - in fact worse than disappointed (can't think of the proper word). My lads are in their 30s now but I still remember how they and I would have felt. (They didn't get many awards either.)

Whichnumbers · 02/04/2023 17:51

What would you have done in that situation?

I would have listened to his feelings and empathised with him. Its really not a good way to build a Childs self esteem. Id probably write to the school and express your disappointment at getting his hopes up and then him not getting a mention or prize - why did they email to invite you ?

Does your ds have outside activities and hobbies? I'd get him involved and trying out as much as possible away from school, so he can try stuff and see what he really enjoys and is good at.

stopringingme · 02/04/2023 17:51

@OhOGee

What a horrible experience for your Son.

Please email the Head and complain this really is not nice.

QuillBill · 02/04/2023 17:52

I'd have thought for someone who works in a school you would understand why inviting parents in is so important @viques.

Those three years where parents were not allowed in to see anything or celebrate anything were awful. I remember the first sports day after lockdown and I had year two and not a single one of my class asked if parents were going to be watching because they were just so used to it.

When my dc were at primary school we lived thousands of miles away from any family at all, so I made sure I had a good friendship support system. On grandparents day it was one of my friends who went into school for my daughter. It didn't cross my mind that it shouldn't happen or that it was discriminating against people who didn't have grandparents.

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 17:55

It seems a shame that when they realised their mistake they didn’t rectify it at the time. How long would it have taken to run off and print an extra certificate and call his name out? To me the administrative error would not be a big deal but their handling of it would be.

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