Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
Alargeoneplease89 · 02/04/2023 16:37

Aww your poor DS. I would be really angry especially with how worked up he was.

Definitely take him for his own celebration for all his hardwork for the term. Reassure him, it's not his fault and human error happens but you are very proud of him.

QuillBill · 02/04/2023 16:39

I've been a teacher for twenty years and I think it's a terrible thing to have happened in the first place and the way they handled it since is bloody awful too.

Getting an award in assembly is a huge deal for a small child.

diddl · 02/04/2023 16:43

Did she say in front of your son that he didn't actually get an award?

If so that is disgraceful.

She surely should have said that his award must have been mislaid somewhere & that she would look in to it.

If they can't do a simple thing like this correctly perhaps they should scrap it?

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 16:45

Mix up with an email? No apology? I’d be furious. If they can’t send an email to the correct person what the heck else are they messing up? The lack of apology says to me they are used to avoiding responsibility for their mistakes.

electricmoccasins · 02/04/2023 16:48

Don’t email the Head. They might just ignore it. Print off the email and make an appointment to see the Head with their PA asap after Easter.

Tell them what happened and ask them what they are going to do about it. Don’t accept anything less than your son receiving an award in the first appropriate assembly back (which you need to know when and where so you can attend). You then tell the Head that you will be telling your son that the mix up wasn’t because there was no award, but because he has done so well at school he needed a special assembly for himself (if you think he will believe this). The Head and his teacher should agree to this also.

Tell the Head they also need to check their quality control for sending out such messages to parents as what has happened is not on.

WonderingWanda · 02/04/2023 16:53

That's really sad. I think you should email the teacher and just explain how excited and then disappointed your dh was. If she has any sense she will create a special award just for him and apologise that it was lost in the awards ceremony.

Vistro · 02/04/2023 16:56

OhOGee · 02/04/2023 15:47

I was expecting a few replies telling me that mistakes happen. The fact you all say how bad it is makes me realise that it's not just me being sensitive.

I will definitely be emailing the headteacher.

No way! This is really awful for your son and for you too 😞 Also not great that the teacher was so dismissive 😤

You should definitely follow this up.

I would send a screenshot of the email to the head, deputy and teacher - explain that you had received this email and that your son was feeling extremely proud, nervous and excited about the award and also that you had taken time out of work to attend. Make it clear that this has been a long time coming and how upset your son was after the assembly. Ask for a reply or meeting about it so it is not brushed under the carpet. I'd send the email now and then you can follow up after Easter.

I would also ask how their award system works and how inclusive it is for all children. It is unfair for a child to sit and watch others each week and never have their turn. 😞

piedbeauty · 02/04/2023 16:57

This is awful, op. Poor dc! Really badly handled by the school.

I'd contact them now to say what happened, say how upset Dc is, and ask them to put something in place to ensure this does not happen again to anyone.

And yes - buy dc a lovely treat and love-bomb them. Give them a Certificate for most helpful child/kindest child/great maths homework/doing your best all term.

quicklybeendrivenmad · 02/04/2023 16:58

Thats terrible, my nephews school does monthly awards and sends the email at about 2.30pm on a thursday for a friday assembly at 10.00, so my brother and sil can never make it (ones a teacher, other works out of the area ) so luckily I can re-arrange my day to be there, would be livid if I had and there was no award, hope your ds is ok now x

Imarealwoman · 02/04/2023 17:00

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:49

You only get an email if your child is getting an award. The email even said: you are invited as your son (ds name) will be receiving an award.

I wish I'd said more at the time and let them know how worked up about it he was the night before and how I now owe an hour at work.

I would make a huge song & dance. I feel terrible here for your son. Don't let this go. Tell them how you left work early, how much excitement your son felt. Ask why they didn't it say before the awards or when they saw your son there acknowledge him.

Imarealwoman · 02/04/2023 17:01

piedbeauty · 02/04/2023 16:57

This is awful, op. Poor dc! Really badly handled by the school.

I'd contact them now to say what happened, say how upset Dc is, and ask them to put something in place to ensure this does not happen again to anyone.

And yes - buy dc a lovely treat and love-bomb them. Give them a Certificate for most helpful child/kindest child/great maths homework/doing your best all term.

@vistro great reply. Awful situation for the poor child.

volleyballing · 02/04/2023 17:05

Your poor son. That’s horrible for him.

Schnooze · 02/04/2023 17:10

In the email, ask how they will rectify the situation and ask for a response in writing. Not acceptable.

Museya15 · 02/04/2023 17:11

Do they seriously hold these type of assembly's? I'm glad I grew up when I did, this sounds bloody awful.

ClarissaExplainsSome · 02/04/2023 17:12

Poor son. I would reply to their original email with a very strongly worded explanation of the upset they have caused.

AcrobaticCardigan · 02/04/2023 17:13

I think we all know how devastated we’d be if this happened at school. To be honest I’d be upset if this happened to me as an adult! Im surprised the school brushed it off the way they did, however I can imagine the teacher must have felt put on the spot. I hope that you get a better response when you follow up. In the meantime make an extra big fuss of your son & make sure he knows how special he is!

Paperbagsaremine · 02/04/2023 17:17

They need to fix this. Leaving this sort of mixup unremediated sets an awful example. And if teachers can't set a good example, WHO CAN?!

How would they feel if they were invited to the mayor's office, or Buck House, told they had an award, only to sit there all afternoon and then be told, "oh sorry, there's a mix-up"?
They wouldn't expect that treatment from other adults, and they have no excuse for behaving that way themselves.

I guess meanwhile you can tell the lad you're going to get to the bottom of it, that you are proud of him for dealing with the situation that wasn't of his making (ANYONE of any age would have been upset), and sort out a treat afternoon for him.

Poor lad!

Sandwidged · 02/04/2023 17:17

We had this, while the teachers pet got 5 or 6 awards every year. My DD was the quiet hardworking one in the class and I don’t think anybody noticed her. I didn’t bother chasing it initially but by the third year I asked the teacher and head what the system for awards was and they clearly had no system, just chaos and favouritism

weirdoboelady · 02/04/2023 17:19

When you complain, do mention that your son has NEVER had an award, and ask for an explanation of the awards process. Surely awards are meant to encourage and inspire all children, identify their strengths, and celebrate diversity of all sorts? Seems very strange that one child should be left out!

Baconking · 02/04/2023 17:21

This happened at our school but they don't tell the children in advance, just secretly invite the parents.
It was children with similar surnames. The one who did get the award had no parent there, the one who didn't had a parent watching.

Our school were mortified and made sure the child got an award the following term.

Reinventinganna · 02/04/2023 17:22

Bless him! That’s cruel.
How old is he? Can I make him an award?

AiryFairy1 · 02/04/2023 17:26

OMG Op, I'm fuming for you and your poor DC... at the end of a term of EXTREMELY poor comms from my DC school, I've really had a gutsful - definitely make an appt to see the head with a printout of the email.
They really need to do better.
Have a lovely holiday first though, and big up your awesome kid.

viques · 02/04/2023 17:26

Schnooze · 02/04/2023 17:10

In the email, ask how they will rectify the situation and ask for a response in writing. Not acceptable.

How can they rectify it apart from giving him an award which he hasn’t earned? It might make the child feel better but still doesn’t take away the distress of the non Award day.

The best thing they could do would be to completely re examine the way they offer incentives and recognition. For a start I think inviting parents to attend is pretty grim actually, first of all it tips the child off that they are getting a reward ( or in this case not) so spoiling the surprise, and while for some parents being able to attend is great there are others whose work or other commitments means they can never attend, so discriminatory.

So I would suggest ,

  1. more awards covering a wider range of values, academic, social, effort etc, so that more children get the chance for a moment in the glory,

and secondly

2)a proper, central record kept for each year group that follows them up the school to check that the system is working, and fair.

and thirdly

  1. an email sent to parents after the assembly personally congratulating the child on the award.
Cherrysherbet · 02/04/2023 17:27

That’s so sad for your ds. I would have been so annoyed. Definitely bring it up with the school.

Hope your boy is ok.

viques · 02/04/2023 17:27

My numbering went awol!