Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
Sainte · 03/04/2023 19:42

No one else is going to stand up for your child. That’s your duty. Make sure the Head hears. Get him a cup or shield or certificate and make sure he receives it.

This is intentional or unintentional bullying. The award could be for the kindest boy or most improved or best Buddy of the week. It doesn’t matter but it does matter ti him. Do your duty Mum and let us know the outcome. Tell the governess if the Head doesn’t listen. I feel so very sorry for him. Be his voice be proactive.

Jack80 · 03/04/2023 19:48

I would be emailing to say you got the email attended the award assembly but child got not award and was upset and so are you. x

mozzierella · 03/04/2023 19:56

I think id email Head with a copy of letter

A) huge disappointment to such a young child
B) what a waste of your time! Id have had to take
Time
Off work to attend

mcmooberry · 03/04/2023 20:57

I would have done what you did and got my son out of there but I wouldn't let it go, it's absolutely disgraceful. If they had been hugely apologetic that would be one thing but the casual indifference makes it even worse, your poor son!

Weedoormatnomore · 03/04/2023 21:22

Poor kid, I hate those awards. My daughter discovered at an early age the kids in her class who where normally naughty got a reward for 1 day of being good ! Whereas she had to wait ages to get one. I reward my kids every half term with a treat depending on what I have in the budget. Could be sleepover cinema meal out, very late night watching movies etc. Just to show I am proud of all there hard work.

HarLace1 · 03/04/2023 21:34

Absolutely not okay, very damaging. Definitely bring it up with them again

RoseThornside · 03/04/2023 21:34

I suggest the school apologise and say that he did indeed get an award - they just ballsed up on the night. As opposed to ballsing up the email. I'm furious on your child's behalf OP.

dementedmummy · 03/04/2023 21:48

This is appalling. And the fact it is just dismissed by the school as an oops is disgusting. You have had your work day rearranged, your son has been sorely disappointed and trying to hold it together. This is the sort of thing that can set a kid back at school. I think I would write an email to the HT explaining the consequences of their actions (or lack thereof) and insist they set the situation right. Big hugs for you and your son 💐

Magnoliainbloom · 03/04/2023 21:52

Adding my support - appalling behaviour. I hope you raise this with the school.

pontipinemum · 03/04/2023 22:05

Ah the poor guy. He must have felt gutted.

I'd have done the same as you though and left ASAP. He wouldn't have wanted to cry there and probably wanted to get away

Casperroonie · 03/04/2023 22:11

I have to say, I'm a teacher and I agree with you 100%!!! Blooming outrageous!!!!! I feel like crying for the little boy! Plus I'd be raging too😭

PotKettel · 03/04/2023 22:21

At the end of the year, send the teacher a card with a gift voucher, write in the card “£25.00 for my son’s favourite teacher@. Put £0.00 on the card.

afterwards ask the teacher if they liked the voucher and then say “oh it was a mix up. You aren’t his favourite teacher. Bit like your class awards balls up, eh? ”

AGoodYearButNotATyre · 03/04/2023 22:38

Can I offer a slightly different perceptive?

I used to work in a school (not as a teacher) and I can well imagine if this happened at my school one or two of the teachers would have thought "Oh s**t" and kind of mumbled a reply to a parent when asked about it. They'd then be working behind the scenes to fix it somehow and make it up to the child.

Absolutely follow it up, but don't think the teacher was heartless or uncaring you may have just put them on the spot, they may even have realised the mistake while the assembly was going on and where trying to think of a way to fix it.

Harmonypus · 04/04/2023 00:54

We had this same situation, by my son was a teenager.
We both questioned why we'd been invited when there was no award for him, but were just told we'd been invited by mistake.
What do you think anyone can do about it? Nothing, it's done now, you just have to forget about it.

marzipansux · 04/04/2023 03:14

Poor little dear. Give him a hug from me.That is truly awful. Sitting there and watching everyone being called up. I can see it in my head.
Give him heaps of love and cuddles , maybe take out to the movies or whatever he likes.
Def email the principal and ask what they are planning to do to fix the situation.. What a terrible mistake for the school to make.

BlackeyedSusan · 04/04/2023 04:10

Morph22010 · 02/04/2023 18:43

not all schools do, my sons autistic and struggled alot in mainstream and never got any awards in key stage one, they even had a class bear that choose who it went home with every week and it went round every child in the class, some more than once but he didn’t get

Show quote history

Yeah, my autistic kid was the only one not to have had star of the week at the end of reception, others were on their second certificate. The only reason he got one was because I pointed out he hadn't had one yet at all.

sashh · 04/04/2023 06:22

Poor little boy.

The school is out of order, they have breached data protection for a start.

I would do exactly as @24KaratCucumber said.

I'd also get someone to print out an award of some sort and send it through the post to him.

Maybe the tooth fairy heard about his disappointment but that he was so brave he/she has talked to the other fairies and they have sent him a 'bravest boy' award.

snitzelvoncrumb · 04/04/2023 07:56

I would explain the situation and expect ds to get an award the following assembly. If it isn’t sort I would make an appointment to speak to the head teacher.

AliceMcK · 04/04/2023 08:32

@FawnFrenchieMum my DDs school is very big on celebrating achievements both inside and outside school, children will bring certificates and badges they have won outside of school to the celebration assemblies so parents will come along if they know their child is showing something off, they don’t need to be invited. They don’t even need to have “won” something, just partaking in an event or doing some kind of achievement is celebrated, it could be taking part in a dance show or doing a sewing project. Any child who wants to tell the school what they have done or show a piece of work is encouraged. I do like it as it gives children a lot of confidence and encourages them to be proud of what they achieve. It also allows children who might not be the class stars to stand up and say “ look when I did”.

Ukrainebaby23 · 04/04/2023 10:39

It made me cry, reading your post. I would have cried for him, how heartbreaking and humiliating for you all

Can you use it as lesson to DS in how people make mistakes but they can be hurtful but we can be grown up and treat ourselves ? Id also want to know from the school what ds needs to do to get an award if its becoming obvious everyone else had one.

Sainte · 04/04/2023 15:12

It’s a few days since this was written.
Have you Mum contacted the school?
What is the latest in this?

Easter could be spoiled for this wee boy.

I do hope Mum has been proactive. Most schools will have a school assembly on return after the Easter break. It would be wonderful if he had a presentation then.
Go for this Mum!!!

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 05/04/2023 10:37

Weedoormatnomore · 03/04/2023 21:22

Poor kid, I hate those awards. My daughter discovered at an early age the kids in her class who where normally naughty got a reward for 1 day of being good ! Whereas she had to wait ages to get one. I reward my kids every half term with a treat depending on what I have in the budget. Could be sleepover cinema meal out, very late night watching movies etc. Just to show I am proud of all there hard work.

'Twas ever thus. I remember the whole class being punished because of one boy who couldn't behave himself for ten minutes, we weren't allowed to work on a fun project and had to do maths squares instead. It didn't teach him to be good (he's now in prison... funny that), it just made the other 29 kids miserable. Plus I remember the naughty kids getting horse riding lessons, special trips etc for managing not to scream like an idiot for an afternoon whilst the rest of us worked hard and never got anything.

Mummyto3plusazoo · 05/04/2023 12:36

Okay, so it’s happened now we can’t change that; though it has broken a piece of my heart, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. So, I would try and make this better. The Easter Bunny will be visiting our house on Sunday; I’m not sure about yours but hopefully!! I would get a postcard/card and post it to him from the EB. Saying how well he’s been doing at school, how proud she is (not sure why our bunny is a she!)) of all his achievements and how hard he is working. Also I’d add stuff from home, so helping you or being kind to siblings whatever DA does well. Then say because of that the EB will be leaving an extra special treat hidden somewhere in the house for him. Whether you chose a particularly large egg (for you to quietly eat while he’s in bed) or a toy he’s going to love is up to you.
mid also email the school as no one should have gone through this

Elaina87 · 05/04/2023 18:41

Oh bless him, that's so sad. I think firstly with your son you need to take the emphasis off getting an award, make sure he knows job proud you are of him and tell him some great things about him. Assure him that he will get an award and recognition one day if he keeps working hard. Show understanding around how hard he awards ceremony was for him and that it wasn't his fault. Then i would have stern words with the school and explain how this has affected him and his self esteem they really need to be more careful.

Mumof2girls2121 · 05/04/2023 20:35

I’d buy him his own trophy and a big treat and then I’d side line be complaining to the head teacher at the mix up, fair enough if the kids older but an award is a massive deal to a lower primary age kid!!