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Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 18:51

Do you know what the award was for? If it was 100% attendance 🤐

Wafflesandcrepes · 02/04/2023 18:52

I’d email the head and thank her profusely for making your child distressed and getting you to rush out of work.

Honestly I wish schools focused on teaching and did away with all the crap.

BeatriceFranklin · 02/04/2023 18:54

24KaratCucumber · 01/04/2023 23:30

I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

because the teacher didn't apologise, just declared it some mix up, did nothing to try and rectify the situation like assure the OP they'd find out what happened or assured OPs child that they'll get an award soon.
If it's an admin error, who told admin to email OP? Why didn't the teacher promise to look into it and let OP know?

Show quote history

If you read the post I made last night it explains the procedure we had when I was teaching. The admin may have emailed the parent interior, it happened a few times on the school I taught in.

BeatriceFranklin · 02/04/2023 18:54

In error, not interior!

141mum · 02/04/2023 19:00

Bloody idiots, the poor love ❤️
I would definitely complain to the school, something like this could knock his confidence

DorisParchment · 02/04/2023 19:00

I found out that DD1’s primary did “Star of the Week” only because I arrived to collect her early oneFriday. She had never won it (and this was May!) and neither had her friend - DD1 said it was always the same children who go the award. I asked the teacher what DD should do to be Star of the Week and she said “Oh I never notice if she or her friend are here or not.” Some people should really not be teachers.

Rayn22 · 02/04/2023 19:05

Speaking as a teacher. That is awful. They need to make a fuss and give him an award! You must mention this when you go back after Easter!

Beseen22 · 02/04/2023 19:07

My son would be heartbroken at this. He was one of the last to get star pupil and he was visibly disappointed every week. When he did get it they get to the line leader so he wanted to go in early every day that week. I would email the head, I had to speak to the head recently about an incident and I felt like I was being 'that parent' but they took it very seriously and it really helped.

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 19:08

DorisParchment · 02/04/2023 19:00

I found out that DD1’s primary did “Star of the Week” only because I arrived to collect her early oneFriday. She had never won it (and this was May!) and neither had her friend - DD1 said it was always the same children who go the award. I asked the teacher what DD should do to be Star of the Week and she said “Oh I never notice if she or her friend are here or not.” Some people should really not be teachers.

God that’s terrible! 😯

JudgeRudy · 02/04/2023 19:17

How awful for your son. I can also identify at being torn between wanting to express your anger there and then and then, and attending to your sons immediate needs. Why not surprise him with your own award - maybe a cake with his name on or a few balloons, a certificate...for being the best son ever.
I'd also be emailing back whoevercsent the email and letting the know the impact this has had on him. Ask how the mistake happened and what they'll be doing to ensure it doesn't happen again

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/04/2023 19:18

DorisParchment · 02/04/2023 19:00

I found out that DD1’s primary did “Star of the Week” only because I arrived to collect her early oneFriday. She had never won it (and this was May!) and neither had her friend - DD1 said it was always the same children who go the award. I asked the teacher what DD should do to be Star of the Week and she said “Oh I never notice if she or her friend are here or not.” Some people should really not be teachers.

My DS's class had something similar - the "Clever Clogs" (a little "clogs" brooch they were given to wear for a week).

Like your son's class, the same two or three children won it every single week - I mentioned it to the teacher and she said she gave it to them because they were disruptive and she wanted them to feel they had something to be proud of so it would improve their behaviour. It didn't. But it meant that the children who DID behave well, and tried really hard had their efforts ignored.

Barstewards.

MetalFences · 02/04/2023 19:18

MissAmbrosia · 02/04/2023 18:26

Did you not ask there and then? So dc is expecting an award and then you just go home without it and don't say anything?

Did you not ask there and then?
I can't answer without having to write a complete sentence because of your wording.
She did ask about it then and there.

So dc is expecting an award and then you just go home without it and don't say anything?
Again...it's hard to answer.
Nevertheless, the OP did say something before she went home.

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 19:19

Jenpeg · 02/04/2023 18:17

I try to be balanced in my approach as I'm sure we all do really. I would flame the school for this, it's an incredibly hurtful and disappointing thing for a young person to go through. I've no doubt from your post you'll give him all the empathy and support he needs to move forward, but yes I would be on to them, I think the school needs to be aware how damaging an admin slip up like this could be for a young person not to mention the waste of your time. I would tell them your son is quite demoralised by the whole episode and ask for a response with their proposals to help him deal with it. The hope would be
a) your son gets some sort of support, amends apology, explanation.
b) the school recognise they need to take greater care with this type of stuff with young people's growing self worth in their hands, and if they do drop the ball they need to own it.

I think their reaction is what really gets me, thing s go wrong, but this is the type of thing that would make my heart stop in horror if I'd caused it I have proper fear just thinking of a young person sitting waiting to have their name called for an award in error. How can anyone even distantly involved not catch how awful that was.

Well done on being a beautiful Mum, you sound so valuing of him, he'll get through it I'm sure

It certainly makes me wonder what kind of teacher they are to be so dismissive. If I’d been that teacher I think I’d have made an award up on the spot (something like best effort or best behaviour), apologised to the boy that I’d forgotten to bring it which is why he wasn’t called, made it all my fault and bring him something the next day. I’m very empathetic though and with children of my own I’d have been mortified for him as I know mine would have felt the same.

HappyHolidays22 · 02/04/2023 19:24

Oh I would be fuming with the teacher and school! Poor DS! Deffo spoil him and make sure you make the school realise and acknowledge their mistake and the impact it has had. Can understand why you got him out of there as quickly as possible on the day… I think that’s probably best as you can go back and speak to them ‘not in the moment’ and it can’t be dismissed as an emotional reaction.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/04/2023 19:31

Your poor DS- I’m so sorry OP; as a mother that would destroy me. Go ape shit- bloody awful!

Sugargliderwombat · 02/04/2023 19:31

This is an awful awful mistake. I don't know why on earth a primary school thinks an awards night is appropriate. I would email with what you want specifically. Ask if they can present him an award during assembly time and pretend it was a mistake. Tell them everything you have put here. So so sad.

Newnamenewname109870 · 02/04/2023 19:32

This makes me SO sad and I bloody hate the awards thing anyway because it’s always the same kids who get everything.

Go and talk to the teachers.

purpledalmation · 02/04/2023 19:36

I'm not one for complaining to schools, but I would over this. Your poor DS. My DS was so proud of his bronze star for house points so this must be awful.

allmyliesaretrue · 02/04/2023 19:37

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 18:51

Do you know what the award was for? If it was 100% attendance 🤐

How do you know the child doesn't have 100% attendance?

If that's all you can contribute 🤐!

The nature of the award is irrelevant. The school informed his parents that he was getting one, and invited them to attend the 'ceremony'!

BrowniesnotBlondies · 02/04/2023 19:37

School pastoral here. It was clearly an admin error/fuck up. They need to 100% rectify it and make it up to your poor, poor DS.

Email the school (headteacher if I were you) including forwarding the email you received). Explain the situation and ask them what they will do to alleviate your son's deep disappointment and upset. Firstly at the admin fuck up. And secondly, ask them to explain what he needs to do to get an award as he feels very excluded as he has not had one. Despite having every right to be absolutely fucking furious, try not to start with the "MN all guns blazing" email. It will not necessarily help you get the result you want (to console you son and get them to check their admin better) but the overly angry rant may make them go super defensive and try and shut you down.

A big un MNetty hug to you and your DS.

SemperIdem · 02/04/2023 19:49

Your poor little boy, poor you too!

I’m not one for complaining but will always communicate clearly with the school if I think my child has been unfairly treated. Pick this back up with the school after the half term.

It may have been an administrative error, but its impact on your son is not something he was able to shrug off. They need to understand their minor fuck up had a broader fall out.

SemperIdem · 02/04/2023 19:50

To be clear - I don’t think anyone, regardless of age, would be able to just shrug that off.

3luckystars · 02/04/2023 20:01

I agree.

pleasehelpwi3 · 02/04/2023 20:02

I still remember when Mrs Warren took my 3rd place running medal away at Sports Day in Y3 and gave it to another child.....and when my my own son was the only child not to get an award at his football club, which was run by a horrible man. I kicked off later, but we were all so shocked it was hard to react at the time.
Your situation is unacceptable BUT are you sure it wasn't a generic email sent to all parents? If not, then it really isn't on. Don't expect much of a response now as to be fair it is Easter Hols and they won't be checking email, but do follow this up later.
I am a primary teacher and I find these things so hard. I'm currently dealing with parents who want me to spend my Easter re-writing our Y6 production as their children didn't get enough lines (we auditioned)......

Justalittlebitduckling · 02/04/2023 20:03

A similar thing happened to me in primary school and I remember my mum bought me a
giant Easter egg and on balance thinking things turned out ok. I would definitely complain to the school, though.