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Original poster

What would you do? - Child disappointed

237 replies

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:36

At the end of each whole term at my ds school, they hold an awards assembly. Ds has never received one. He's in lower primary.

Last week I received an email inviting me to the award assembly. I was so happy for ds and ds was very excited. The night before he was feeling worried about standing in front of the school and had trouble sleeping. I reassured him it would be ok and he eventually got some sleep.

The day of the award he was so excited. A bit nervous still but looking forward to it.

I finished work early to attend and went to the school. I sat looking at ds feeling very proud. A few names were called out but no mention of my ds. I could see ds was becoming increasingly more anxious. The awards drew to a close and I felt so disappointed for ds as he wasn't mentioned at all. I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

I could have cried for ds. He looked so confused and emotional. I took him home and he cried in the car.

What would you have done in that situation? At the time I just needed to get ds out of the school as I could see he just wanted to get home. I feel like I should have said more.

OP posts:
MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 01/04/2023 23:30

They do star of the week at our primary. The teachers keep a list and make sure that everyone gets it at some point. You definitely need to bring this up with the school as soon as possible. They owe him an award! Poor little boy.

GentlemanJay · 01/04/2023 23:30

Very poor for all involved.

24KaratCucumber · 01/04/2023 23:30

BeatriceFranklin · 01/04/2023 23:20

Why ‘go berserk’ at a teacher? This could be an administrative error for goodness sake.

Show quote history

I caught his teacher at the end and she said there must have been a mix up with the emails. No apology. Said ds did not actually get an award.

because the teacher didn't apologise, just declared it some mix up, did nothing to try and rectify the situation like assure the OP they'd find out what happened or assured OPs child that they'll get an award soon.
If it's an admin error, who told admin to email OP? Why didn't the teacher promise to look into it and let OP know?

MeinKraft · 01/04/2023 23:33

Oh bless him. My young DS is the same on sports day, he's one of the youngest in his year and some of the older taller children inevitably wins everything and he bursts into tears when he doesn't win. Yours is worse again because he thought he would get an award for sure. I don't think there's anything you can do to take the hurt away except be there for him.

FictionalCharacter · 01/04/2023 23:45

That's heartbreaking. Poor little boy. Definitely complain - they should at least apologise and they need to know how much this has hurt him.
Though my experience of schools was that they never, ever admitted they were wrong.

853ax · 01/04/2023 23:45

Fwd email onto teacher, principal explain how you had told child he was getting award, make arrangements so you could take off work to attend ECT then ask why did you get this email? Where was the error made and importantly explain how your son was very confused and upset as he has been wanting to win for a long time

Daisybee6 · 01/04/2023 23:46

I would be emailing the school with a screenshot of the email they sent you, explaining how your ds was feeling the night before, how disappointed he was afterwards and how it's unacceptable to make this sort of mistake.

tortiecat · 01/04/2023 23:49

How horrendous. So sorry OP. Really feel for your DS!! Please take this further with the school, you both deserve an apology - that teacher's behaviour was shocking.

massivenamechnage · 01/04/2023 23:50

Commonsensitivity · 01/04/2023 23:29

That's not on. I would be seething too. Treat him as above but also raise it with the school governors showing them the email. The school needs to be accountable for fucking up.

Governors are volunteers who have no role in the day to day running of the school

This is not a matter for governors

Newyearnewhome · 01/04/2023 23:56

What a shame.

Also, this is the school’s mix up and they should be looking at how to redress it.

one part of me thinks kids should build resilience, but I have to say it seems cruel to say he’s getting an award then taking that away.

let’s face it, at primary the awards are pretty arbitrary and often used to motivate kids. Given he was so upset, I’d guess he tries hard and is really conscientious- get them to give him an award for that

Newyearnewhome · 01/04/2023 23:58

You should also give him your own award for his bravery and courage and for handling his disappointment so well. Poor wee guy

Commonsensitivity · 02/04/2023 00:08

Governors are volunteers who have no role in the day to day running of the school

This is not a matter for governors

I disagree. I have cc'd in school governors to an issue before. Things then got resolved pretty quickly.

massivenamechnage · 02/04/2023 11:12

Commonsensitivity · 02/04/2023 00:08

Governors are volunteers who have no role in the day to day running of the school

This is not a matter for governors

I disagree. I have cc'd in school governors to an issue before. Things then got resolved pretty quickly.

They should have referred you to the complaints procedure which does not include emailing governors.

We wonder why we cant get enough governors- because it is a job that take a lot of time and is made more demanding by people who dont understand the role of a governor.

Th governance role is strategic. The OPs issue is operational.

Original poster
OhOGee · 02/04/2023 15:47

I was expecting a few replies telling me that mistakes happen. The fact you all say how bad it is makes me realise that it's not just me being sensitive.

I will definitely be emailing the headteacher.

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 02/04/2023 15:51

It’s indefensible. Someone should be checking and double checking before emails are sent.

Of course, children have to accept that they won’t always be top dog and won’t always be the best and that builds resilience, but being told that you are among the best and that not being fulfilled, is cruel.

pizzaHeart · 02/04/2023 15:56

I it’s awful and actually his teacher handled it very badly. When you politely pointed out about the situation she should be more understanding. I would complain in writing. And I would treat your child for Easter for being so amazing.

lemonyellows · 02/04/2023 15:57

That's appalling. Definitely make an appointment to see the Head

Our primary didn't do awards and I am glad.

Kittykat16 · 02/04/2023 16:03

That's really awful for your son. Definitely take it up with the school. Ask them if he can get an award in a school assembly instead.

Cam22 · 02/04/2023 16:03

OhOGee · 01/04/2023 22:49

You only get an email if your child is getting an award. The email even said: you are invited as your son (ds name) will be receiving an award.

I wish I'd said more at the time and let them know how worked up about it he was the night before and how I now owe an hour at work.

I’d complain to the school. That was totally unacceptable.

Scaredmumsickchild · 02/04/2023 16:07

that’s absolutely heartbreaking, I would definitely take it further your poor ds.

Shz · 02/04/2023 16:11

Poor child that’s horrible.

Try and focus on having a special weekend with treats etc to cheer him up

When you feel calmer then I do think you should speak to the school - yes it may have been a mistake but therefore an apology is needed and they really do need to know how upset your son is by what happened.

familyissues12345 · 02/04/2023 16:13

Ah poor little chap Sad

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 16:27

Oh no, my heart goes out to him poor love. How awful. I’d be bloody furious and would be sending an email telling them so! Please don’t let this go unchallenged.

Goldbar · 02/04/2023 16:35

I would send the school an email outlining what has happened and saying how disappointed you are that (i) they let your child down in this way, and (ii) you went to the trouble and inconvenience of taking time off work for this to occur. I would let them know that you think this is really not acceptable.

For your son, I would order him a medal or something and say there must have been some sort of mix-up, you had thought the school would be giving him his award for being fantastic, but actually it's come in the post instead.

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 16:36

24KaratCucumber · 01/04/2023 22:40

I'd be going berserk at the teachers there and then. Mix up with the emails be damned.

I'd then be taking child to eat as much pizza McDonalds ice cream candy floss or sweets as they could handle. I'd probably get them a new toy or two too. I'd probably even buy them a shiny trophy of their own just for being awesome.

A parent after my own heart. I’d have done this too. Resilience be damned, the teacher should at the very least shown a bit of compassion and regret over the negligent ‘error’ instead of brushing it away.