Mumsnet “norms” that annoy you most

[usernamechanged1]

For me it’s the utterly obscure baby names. We’ve all seen them and I’m quite sure nobody uses them in real life. Yet on MN, it’s apparently standard.

Honourable mention to the 50% of posters whose husbands are earning upwards of £100K too.

Ah thanks so much for the biology lesson. Scientifalky of course it’s better but long term it is a minuscule factor in a broader context of healthy living. It’s certainly not a tragedy if someone doesn’t breastfeed when there is perfectly safe alternatives. I have breastfed by the way but have not a clue which of my kids friends were or weren’t. It isn’t important

The scaremongering around breastfeeding and how hard it will be, or how unenjoyable it is. Of course I appreciate how hard it is for some people but for a lot of others it is a beautiful experience.

I was almost sick with worry about it before I had my little one due to reading stuff on here but I was very lucky that she latched well quickly and I had a good supply, in fact oversupply (which did have some issues but not terrible). Also there's so much misinformation on here about not being able to breastfeed after a csection.

My mum was a militant formula feeder who thought breastfeeding was bonkers, akin to deliberately not having an indoor toilet or opting to do your work by candlelight rather than use electricity. I was formula fed from birth and rarely get sick. My first child was mostly formula fed (was definitely influenced by mum!). My second child was breastfed for a year and I'm still breastfeeding the 14 month old.

My first child gets sick the least and my middle child still constantly comes down with everything going! I love breastfeeding because I like foods that have gone through as few processes as possible. I think breastmilk is the biological norm but more so, I prefer the physical interaction with the baby. However, I think that formula is an amazing product that saves lives and sanity, and if someone wants to formula feed from Day 1 for convenience, so what!

As far as I can see it, the most important things for your child's development, aside from a form of milk they can get calories and nutrients from, are affection, sanitary living conditions, a varied diet as they grow up, exercise, childhood vaccinations and a positive, stable, emotionally nurturing home life. Breastmilk is a tiny component of parenting.

Breastfeeding completely ruined the early days of all three of my children. I couldn't enjoy any of my newborn babies. I'm glad I've done it but totally see why a woman wouldn't. Anyone reading this who feels guilty because they didn't or couldn't breastfeed: please take a step back and look at the whole picture of the life you're providing for your child. Your responsiveness as a parent on the day to day is basis, through the years, is more important overall.

Are breastfeeding rates in the UK pretty low? Yes. Are societal attitudes towards breastfeeding negative, compared to other countries? Again, yes, and that needs to change because the narrative that formula is the 'real' milk and breastmilk is the strange alternative is factually wrong. However nobody is going to embark on a breastfeeding journey because of guilt. Your heart has to be totally in it to get through all of the barriers and obstacles. Nobody should feel guilty for giving their child a safe alternative to breastmilk.

It seems to be a norm to hate weddings. That annoys me. I know there's always some noble reason (usually that the bride is a bitch and expects everyone to spend a ton and travel a thousand miles, the groom is never responsible) but the underlying tone is that weddings are some weird self-indulgence that should morally be as miserable as possible because it's wrong to enjoy it too much. As if weddings are a tacky Western invention instead of a key part of pretty much all human civilisation throughout history.

@Housenoob & @Softsoftsleep

I think the key here around bf is education, and support for mothers.

Agree regarding all the scaremongering around either that a) bf will be terrible b) child will have all sorts of problems if they don’t bf.

In an ideal world women would all be able to breastfeed. But for numerous reasons they can’t or don’t.

What made it difficult for me for about the first 6wks was having no experience and no support. The health visitors and nurses who were there had all bottle fed, as had all family members who had babies before me. The supposed experts there to help had no clue and couldn’t even manage to help me with latch and missed lip tie too. There was no one there to show the way, a lot of disdain and almost shaming me for not putting baby on a bottle and handing over for babysitting immediately!!

Went to a bf group, well known organisation, and life was transformed, problems solved and it became really enjoyable. Half the problem with it is there aren’t enough with experience to offer advice.

ps put up the science incase anyone was interested in what is behind the recommendations, not to be preachy. It is my background, but appreciate all not as interested in the specifics.

Back to MN norms

Thread derails - people get carried away on a tangent… or get into a heated argument and everyone reaches for popcorn or abandons thread.

Competitive packed lunches

Are you getting married soon?

No. Why?

I suppose you could also say - people who make inflammatory, judgy comments about very emotive subjects and expect no backlash, so a slight de-rail is necessary.

@CandleInTheStorm oh do give it a rest.. someone said impact of bf in later life is irrelevant. Which is just factually untrue. So I responded.

Not saying people should do anything other than what they want to do personally. Particularly in a medc like the U.K. where healthcare and a whole range of other factors can to a large extent level the playing field between bf/ff babies.

Whatever a woman wants to do is her personal choice. But saying there is no difference between cow and human milk to the point where benefit is irrelevant to children (and mothers as lowers cancer risk), is just wrong.

A lot of people take what is said on MN as gospel truth. Be better if instead of peddling falsities, people put correct info out there - rather than personal beliefs - then people can make properly informed decisions.

Surrogacy is the devil's work and no-one should be allowed to do it.

Yeah this is incredibly patronising. Clearly it’s a complex topic but surrogacy alone is not the devil’s work. I can imagine some of the women on the thread spouting a lot of it have never been pregnant. Ask pregnant people and surrogates what they actually think!

Pregnant People

Pregnant women.

It wasn't your post I was referring to.

Only on Mumsnet is this apparent obsession with what people who don't shower actually do. I expect there is a range of "washing activities" that non-showerers do or don't do. How many flannels and what they do with them is their business.

Incredible as it might sound I don't have a daily shower and know several other people that don't. It takes a fraction of the time to wash than it does to shower obviously and that is not factoring in hair drying.

I originally commented about washing because on these shower threads there are always several posters who inevitably say "washers" must smell. I grew up in the 70s when showers weren't common and people generally had a weekly bath (yes really) with occasional midweek hair washes over the bath or sink and people did not smell any more than they do now.

On a side note, it's not good for the skin to shower too much and it's bad for the environment.

All this is proving the point about MN norms and showers!

@Mothership4two
I grew up in the 80s/90s we didn't have a shower in the house and had 1 bathroom. I definitely didn't have a bath every day. No one in my family did. As far as I know we didn't smell....or maybe we all were snelly but didn't notice...? (I do look at pics of myself as a teen and notice how greasy my hair was though)
I didn't have a bath or shower every day until my 20s when I moved out, but even now I occassIonally have a day when I don't shower. Sometimes others in my family do and I can't say I ever notice, it's only because I ask DS (because he would go for a week without a shower given half the chance! ) or DH might mention, as he goes for a shower, that he didn't have a shower the day before!

Pregnant people..... EWWWWWWWW It's women! Pregnant WOMEN.

@Robinni

Also 'dannyzukossmile' great name btw, I have John Travolta beaming in my mind haha.

Yeah I made it up when I was watching Grease and Summer Nights came on! JT has a great smile!

Robinni

Re. Breast feeding, I think we have to get over the fact that some will opt for an easy life on day 1, while the rest of us slog and whimper through what was (for me anyway) agony and exhaustion until 4 months, then it was great! No washing bottles, hurrah! It’s an individual choice, and each lady should be supported.

Oh yeah I agree that everyone should be supported, and it's very sad that some women who genuinely try to so hard to breastfeed cannot do it. But I just find it depressing that some can't even be arsed to try.

No-one will ever convince me that formula is as good as breast milk, no matter how much anecdata or links on the internet they provide. There IS no proof it's just as good, because it isn't. Some women simply can't be arsed to breastfeed, and it's very sad that they can't be bothered to even make a scrap of effort to give their baby the best start in life. Even if it was for just 2-3 weeks. I can't believe some people are actually OK with this.

(As I said, I am NOT talking about the ones who CANNOT BREASTFEED. The ones who have TRIED and CANNOT BREASTFEED. I mean the ones who CANNOT BE ARSED.)

Like everyone else I am entitled to my views. It's not my problem if some people don't like them. I don't like the views of people who think it's OK to not bother even trying to breastfeed your baby. 🙃

Not sure if it's a norm as I've only seen it a couple of times, but suffering Jesus it gets on my thre'pennnies:

Use your words.

Aaarghhh.

@DannyZukosSmile you'd hate me then.
I chose not to bf either of my children. I was having relatively short mat leave by mn standards (which seems to include not returning to work until the youngest is settled into their own home) so I decided that there was no point getting them used to bf then having to swap quite quickly to bottle feeding at the child minders.
I could have expressed milk for the bottle feeding but I decided that since I am not a cow and that I would be busy/tired enough anyway that formula was the best option.
I am now the proud mother of the 6'4 strapping teenager that mn also doesn't believe in (apparently they are akin to Big Foot, rarely seen and only some people believe they exist) and his more average sized sibling!!

You don't have to justify your life to DannyZukosSmile on Mumsnet.

@DannyZukosSmile

I breastfed all three of mine day one, although I absolutely do love an easy life 😜. I don’t think formula is as superior as breast milk and I’m certainly not here to prove other wise. It’s a bit sad though when some breast feeders take the moral high ground sprinkled with a good dose of martyrdom. Thankfully all of the breastfeeders I’ve met over my time don’t really give two shits about how others choose to feed. Although there we’re definitely some whom it made angry that I didn’t even try.

Probably also because I wasn’t going to apologise for not trying, or make some sort of excuse. Maybe you need to reflect on why it bothers you so much.

@ReneBumsWombats

Yes really riles some people when you don’t justify it. I was met with a few glances sometimes at baby groups “yes breastfeeding is best but I just simply couldn’t be arsed, here have a slice of toast and how’s your day” 😂😂. Honestly, some women I could see were slightly flabbergasted at my all round approach.