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Original poster

Why do you think so many kids are so badly behaved?

196 replies

tikasaurois · 31/03/2023 18:25

I'm mainly talking about high school age but I suppose kids of all ages are very different to when I was growing up (I'm 47) are we being too lax and not giving kids enough discipline? I'm a cleaner in a high school and honestly I find it disgusting how some children behave! Absolutely no respect or anyone or anything. Really rude, ignorant and downright disrespectful to everyone ( and I include the principal in this) why are the parents not doing more to reel their children in? Do parents not care? Are we as society failing these kids? Of course there are many wonderful well mannered children that are a pleasure to share company with but my question is why has behaviour deteriorated so much in schools and what can be done to help ?

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 31/03/2023 18:29

Because telling kids “no” or expecting them to do anything other than what they want is seen as cruelty. Plus you can see all too clearly on here the contempt parents have for teachers, and that’s being passed on to their children.

Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 18:31

Couldn't agree more. At a very expensive musical a few weekends ago & the child in front of us was constantly sitting up & down blocking our view & when she wasn't doing that she was giving her parents a running commentary of the show. They were pandering to her asking what she thought would happen next? So fucking annoying & distracting for me & my kids. I got the usher & the parents gave the kid a phone to play on, tones on & a youtube video at one point. Again usher down no phones allowed... Ripping was such an expensive night ruined by ignortant parents.

Greenshake · 31/03/2023 18:31

Because parents refuse to effectively discipline their kids, and either treat them as friends or mini-adults.

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cansu · 31/03/2023 18:32

Lack of parental support for discipline.

On this site, if someone says their child is in trouble at school, many will say:
a) what are the school doing to support the child?
b) Has your child got PDA, ASD or ADHD? What is school doing about it?
c) Is your child anxious? What are school doing about it?
d) Is the work too easy? What is school doing about it?

You get the idea.

Mumma · 31/03/2023 18:32

Parents are expected to parent like they don't work but work like they don't have kids...

pjani · 31/03/2023 18:33

You’re completely forgetting what your own generation was like as children! Stats show drug taking, violence, alcohol use etc all massively down from when we were young.

I remember kids with behavioural problems in the 80s very clearly. Take your rose tinted glasses off. Maybe speak to some older people how they felt about your generation.

Original poster
tikasaurois · 31/03/2023 18:35

It's really quite worrying - I have no idea how these kids will ever hold down jobs in 10 years time. It's actually really worrying.

I think back to when I was in school and the 'bad kids' were the ones that maybe didn't do their homework or was late to class etc. now kids are throwing objects at teachers and using foul language to their faces. One boy told a female teacher to "go and play with yourself " I mean seriously? These kids are ment to be the future!!!!!

OP posts:
Samepagedontchange · 31/03/2023 18:35

Most of the badly behaved children I know (some extremely extreme), of all ages, is that the parents won’t tell them no/tell them off/give them consequences incase the child then ‘doesn’t like me’ and they won’t be friends when they grow up.

Some of the children I know who are badly behaved are excuses as they ‘have adhd’. They’re not diagnosed, including the 14 year old who beats up his mum, smashed everything in the house, steals, skips school to play Xbox, mugs people, shoplifts etc. He ‘has adhd’ but his doctor doesn’t diagnose it because his doctor is incompetent as are all the other doctors and school staff he’s interacted with.

Itsonlyagame · 31/03/2023 18:37

pjani · 31/03/2023 18:33

You’re completely forgetting what your own generation was like as children! Stats show drug taking, violence, alcohol use etc all massively down from when we were young.

I remember kids with behavioural problems in the 80s very clearly. Take your rose tinted glasses off. Maybe speak to some older people how they felt about your generation.

This! It's just that this behaviour is easier to talk about and share over the Internet now that is seems more common.

CupEmpty · 31/03/2023 18:37

To be honest my child (nearly 3) is badly behaved. I can’t control her. She plays up when we are out, I can’t take her to a cafe at all, if I’m somewhere like a park or walk she will be throwing herself on the ground and I’m pretty stuck as I also have a buggy to push (baby). I try my absolute best but I’m just really fucking lost. I cry about it often. I’m struggling to cope but have no idea where to turn. None of the parenting strategies work and to be honest she’s just horrible.

SunshineGeorgie · 31/03/2023 18:38

Snowflake culture

And I don't really care if mumsnet don't like the use of the word snowflake.... I'll use it because it's fitting!

Tietheapron · 31/03/2023 18:38

I don’t think they are any worse now. But MN loves to say they are, for some reason.

Tietheapron · 31/03/2023 18:39

CupEmpty · 31/03/2023 18:37

To be honest my child (nearly 3) is badly behaved. I can’t control her. She plays up when we are out, I can’t take her to a cafe at all, if I’m somewhere like a park or walk she will be throwing herself on the ground and I’m pretty stuck as I also have a buggy to push (baby). I try my absolute best but I’m just really fucking lost. I cry about it often. I’m struggling to cope but have no idea where to turn. None of the parenting strategies work and to be honest she’s just horrible.

Having similar struggles here, it’s not you, it’s toddlers.

NurseCranesRolodex · 31/03/2023 18:39

cansu · 31/03/2023 18:32

Lack of parental support for discipline.

On this site, if someone says their child is in trouble at school, many will say:
a) what are the school doing to support the child?
b) Has your child got PDA, ASD or ADHD? What is school doing about it?
c) Is your child anxious? What are school doing about it?
d) Is the work too easy? What is school doing about it?

You get the idea.

This is exactly what the problem is!!! And a complete lack of boundaries, parents not understanding when to let their kids rest and unwind, 24/7 'scheduling' and shit additives in food. Saying no isn't cruel.

Original poster
tikasaurois · 31/03/2023 18:40

@pjani well I can only speak with my own experience. I went to the school I work in and I can assure you it's very much worse from my 5years. But maybe that's how life will pan out, with every generation getting worse, if so it'll be a very bleak future.

everything is also documented via social media and filmed so I pitty the teacher that gets a bit frustrated with a pupil and maybe says something out of heat of the moment.

I -

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 31/03/2023 18:40

tikasaurois · 31/03/2023 18:35

It's really quite worrying - I have no idea how these kids will ever hold down jobs in 10 years time. It's actually really worrying.

I think back to when I was in school and the 'bad kids' were the ones that maybe didn't do their homework or was late to class etc. now kids are throwing objects at teachers and using foul language to their faces. One boy told a female teacher to "go and play with yourself " I mean seriously? These kids are ment to be the future!!!!!

Fairly standard at the school I went to and some of those children are now in the top 1% of earners in the country. I think you are either misremembering what things were like when you were that age or you only have a disproportionate class or group of children to compare to.

DownstairsMixUp · 31/03/2023 18:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Goodread1 · 31/03/2023 18:42

I think it's cause our society pendum idea has swung so far ,
as an obvious reaction to an era, in which canning in school was allowed, an other things which would be deemed as quite unacceptable or suspect,

That the moral compass 🧭 /Pendulum has swung so far and out of kilter ,
A sense of healthy balance and what should be robust common sense has losed allmost sense of perspective,

Everything is about Pandering stroking massaging someone's, ever so senistive feelings or fragile ego, otherwise is viewed as being unkind, not nice, !

They have to be treated like indulgent children ,that the world 🌎 revolves on its Axis on,

Hotvimto3 · 31/03/2023 18:42

Parents

Original poster
tikasaurois · 31/03/2023 18:43

@TheSnowyOwl maybe I am just forgetting it is possible that I'm seeing things worse through my adult lenses.

OP posts:
Bookworms77 · 31/03/2023 18:43

@CupEmpty there are services to support you. Refer yourself to early help. They will be able to identify strategies you may not have considered and they won’t judge. Don’t worry parenting is really hard and we are not born knowing how to do it all at every stage. Some dc are just harder to manage because they are people after all and have different personalities. Your fortunate because she is still tiny so putting the work in now will have a great affect. It’s when parents admit to struggling when their dc are teens that it feels too late and is much harder.
One of the best things you can do is be consistent, never bend the main rules, never give in, the child will feel more secure if they know where they stand and exactly what to do. Dc are not born knowing what behaviour is expected so we have to teach them this by modelling the behaviour we want and be consistent in dealing with the ones we don’t.

Noicant · 31/03/2023 18:44

I think much of it is the miss application of gentle parenting techniques. Gentle parenting is about helping your child self regulate their feelings but still have strong boundaries. I think people focus on their kids feelings so much they forget that their job is to help their child understand other peoples feelings too. Small kids don’t really have empathy so you have to basically train them as best you can to just not do certain things.

Soontobemumof2x · 31/03/2023 18:45

I remember I told my niece “no sweetheart, that’s naughty” and she started hysterically crying. Then my sister said “oh she doesn’t like the word no, so we don’t use it” queue a few years of hell/tantrums 🤣

Quveas · 31/03/2023 18:45

I'm 65 and agree. Much as I'd like not to! Toddler parents, don't worry too much. I have a fair amount of tolerance for the younger end. Most of us were monsters in some way, and those are the ages where we are supposed to push boundaries - and discover where the boundaries are. But the behaviour and lack of any form of respect from many - but not all - teenagers is horrifying. And I'm sorry, but those teenagers are becoming parents with even less respect for anyone else.

I would so love to say that this is just the normal generational thing. And that it really isn't that bad. But it isn't and it is.

RaraRachael · 31/03/2023 18:45

Lots of parents seem to think that their responsibility ends once they give birth and everything else if up to somebody else. I got fed up hearing parents saying "Don't worry the school will sort that out".
In a lot of families the kids are in charge - they dictate what they eat, what's watched on TV etc. My kids weren't perfect but they knew that their parents were the ones who made the decisions.