Why do you think so many kids are so badly behaved?

[tikasaurois]

I'm mainly talking about high school age but I suppose kids of all ages are very different to when I was growing up (I'm 47) are we being too lax and not giving kids enough discipline? I'm a cleaner in a high school and honestly I find it disgusting how some children behave! Absolutely no respect or anyone or anything. Really rude, ignorant and downright disrespectful to everyone ( and I include the principal in this) why are the parents not doing more to reel their children in? Do parents not care? Are we as society failing these kids? Of course there are many wonderful well mannered children that are a pleasure to share company with but my question is why has behaviour deteriorated so much in schools and what can be done to help ?

The thing is, ableist talk is important but it isn’t just ableist talk.

Check out documentary. I’ll make life easy for you given that it’s a long one. Pause at 14:02 - 600 children excluded every day - 27:40 - children commit at least 15,000 crimes every day - 42:30 - a teacher is attacked in school nearly every day - 43:55 - one in three children have behaviour problems by the age of three.

Its not an easy watch (although if people have a serious interest in this topic I would recommend it) but what’s significant about it is that it’s from nearly quarter of a century ago, September 1999.

Primary aged children left alone all day and not attending school. Some parents dependent on drugs or alcohol. Families that have broken down and children experiencing abuse from stepfathers. Teenagers experimenting with drugs and breaking the law.

Do people honestly, seriously think that these are problems that only reared their heads in the last decade? That somehow before society was filled with the pure and the innocent and the good and it somehow went all toxic circa 2012? Except the London riots preceded that by a year, didn’t they? And everyone was saying the same things.

One final word from me is that of encouragement to the struggling parents on here. Children who are loved are almost always ten times more foul to their own parents than anyone else.

What a load of bollocks is being spouted on this thread.

There have always been badly behaved kids. Most end up as normal adults.

i blame the grandparents for the shit job they clearly did of raising this generation of parents. And the great grandparents. Etc.

Well who knows. I've seen more than one thread on here from frazzled mums absolutely wracked with guilt for smacking a NT school-age child having yet another tantrum and attacking HER - the responders almost unanimously pile on with judgement, shame and lectures for traumatizing the poor little monkey. But 🤷🏻‍♀️

Perhaps stop trying to be nice?

So you think hitting children is the answer?

I have worked in schools for nearly 20 years and the vast majority of kids are lovely. The behaviour now is no worse than it was when I started... Some kids (and parents) are a pain, they always will be.

I do agree with a lot said on here.

It's as if a lot of parents don't want to say no to their chil.

They just let their kids do anything and then wonder why they're badly behaved? Because no boundaries have been put in place, ever.

So you think hitting children is the answer?

That was fast! Yep, a smack for a kid attacking its mum is fine with me.

It's for a combination of reasons:

• A misunderstanding of gentle parenting
• Using screens as babysitters
• Everyone and their mother banging on about 'rights' without considering the responsibilities attached to them

I could go on.

I think the problem started when parents started referring to their children as their Princess or Prince. They're not, they're kids, nothing special, part of a family, like Mum, Dad and the dog. If parents stopped wanting to be best friends with their child and actually parented, set boundaries and consequences life would actually become easier for everyone.

So many ableist comments on this thread.

I'm the same as you and I can remember someone throwing a chair at a teacher at schools. Smoking, drugs, under age sex we're all pretty normal. Lots of fights, etc.

It was dealt with differently though and schools didn't make a fuss over things like skirt length or haircuts which I think reduced the 'low level' bad behaviour which escalates that you see now.

However, I think the behaviour of younger children is noticeably different to how it was when I was young.

@carriedout
"You must have lived in a particular bubble.

You could watch Grange Hill for some low-level insights.

Do you not remember the bus seats all melted where people had burnt them with their lighters?
All those campaigns against glue sniffing?
Don't go on the railway tracks?

I went to both private and state, both were wilder than now."

Grange Hill was entertainment and not real life.

Kids smoking did not threaten or harm others - ie not directed at anyone, not aggressive. Same as glue sniffing or trespassing on railway tracks. These things also did not take place in a classroom.

I see children not just verbally abusive, but physically abusive. Not just fighting, but using classroom items to fight with or vent their frustration on in the middle of a lesson, with other students around them trying to learn. And that usually happens because other kids are winding them up, almost acting as a pack, to get a reaction, as a kind of entertainment. As a teacher you have to be direct, strong, show no fear and quickly nip it in the bud before it escalates. This means also being available through break and lunchtime to sort out any issues that arise outside on the playground so it doesn't escalate further.

I remember one of my friend smoking when we were in primary school. I'd completely forgotten that.

And lots of stuff at secondary school. Throwing fireworks around. Fighting. Drugs.

I don't think things are worse now. Maybe because I moved areas 😂

Such utter bullshit. And ableist, too. My children are incredibly well behaved (where it matters ie school). But they still have ADHD and ASD. DD1 is in Year 10 at a super-selective grammar school and she is up to 250 positive comments from school since September. DD2(7) has just won the headteacher award at assembly. Both of my DDs still have (diagnosed by experts) ADHD and autism.

I think kids are just different now - not necessarily worse-behaved. To be honest, in many respects they are better behaved than my generation. My 15 year old dd doesn't go to the pub, nightclubs or smoke. I am quite confident that she is fairly well-behaved and in my experience, all of her friends are the same.

I think there is a different culture these days, for example in cinemas and on trains where kids are allowed to talk/shout and make noise and maybe my generation was in the last throws of seen and not heard. I think you will find that every generation moans about the kids of today, you may also notice that the police are very young these days!

Lack of a good role model
Poor parenting
Not being told "No"
Not having consequences for their actions

Flip it on it's head....press reset, and rather than feeling you have to control her take a step back, work on re-building the relationship between you as it sounds fractured, and try to notice the things you DO like about her.No child is 'JUST horrible' especially a 3 year old (although their behaviour obviously can be) and if you hold that opinion of her she will pick up on that, feel bad and behave badly.That's not to say forget all the boundaries, but if you focus primarily on spending some positive time with her, and giving her positive responses, her behaviour should improve by default because she is feeling happier and more willing and able to listen and cooperate.

Also, it sounds like you need some real life support, be that family, friends, your health visitor or nursery.
Do reach out as you sound very in need of some help.xx

@mrsorangepyjamas if you honestly think that corporal punishment was the ‘thing’ that stopped children misbehaving then you ask me if I’m joking - seriously?

Go to schools, find out who their worst behaved students are, and find out about their upbringing and see if there just might be a link between violence at home and poor behaviour elsewhere.

The ideal is to have a good, solid parent child relationship, where your child wants to do the things you ask them. That if they push the boundary, that the boundary will stay and they grow to understand why that boundary exists (usually for safety/respect of themselves or others).

There will always be some who push even further. But IMO they really should be a very small minority, and that kind of emotional dysregulation needs looking into why that child makes that choice.

@fridaytwattery totally agree.

It comes before dealing with the negative behaviour. It's about how children are raised, with firm, fair boundaries, that matters. Every child pushes it from time to time. But they are far likely to back down once they know the boundaries are still there.

The trouble is, parents are so bloody stressed out nowadays.Women used to be at home alot of the time, or working only afew hours a week in less stressful jobs...now they by choice or need are working more, but many workplaces are not at all understanding about the pressures of being a parent, making parents feel guilty and torn between meeting the needs of home life and work life, and children's needs aren't being met effectively because of it.

There is higher divorce and separation rate, higher DV rate,higher rate of mental health issues and higher costs of living.Less time is spent by parents playing, interacting and listening to their kids because they are preoccupied and burnt out.Stress feeds down in families.

All this makes kids feel insecure and uncontained....if skills such as resilience, independence, and feelings of being held in positive regard, knowing consistent boundaries and being emotionally supported aren't learnt and instilled effectively in children from a young age, they don't just magically appear in people as teens or adults.