To think there isn't an excuse for an adult to live filthy

[bubblec]

Let's put aside the vulnerable who for obvious reasons can't be included in this discussions. + not a shame post for people who do genuinely like to be in a clean environment but sometimes work and family gets in the way.

Why is it that grown adults who are more than capable of cleaning, just CHOOSE to be dirty and live In such environments that are clearly very unhygienic.

Even worse why does society treat some grown adults like they are little children who 'tried their best'. Your telling me a grown adult can't programme as an example, how to fix the bed in a decent manner that doesn't look like a 4 year old done up.

I am raging because I am in a position where I like to keep things decently clean and liveable whereas the other person has 0 care and then gets left on me because I know they simply don't care enough.

It should be a very bare minimum!!

Throw your thoughts ....

I think an hour a day of cleaning is massively excessive and totally pointless.

Growing up my mum was like this, cleaning was her outlet for anxiety/stress. And now as adults my siblings and mum all agree it was excessive and I wished she would have spent more time with us than cleaning, possibly this attitude is why I'm not as tidy/clean because I see it as a waste of time.

What takes an entire hour each day to clean? I can think of a million things I'd rather do. Obvs different scenario when we're talking dirty/unhygienic but how on earth can a house get dirty daily?

I've just read 8 pages and I still don't know what the hell yhe thread is about. Is it cleaning in general? Is it about your actual partner? Does he not care of not bother because you constantly tidy? Who is actively praising poor standards? I feel like about 50% of the story was never posted....
I thought the same.

It went from not making the bed properly when a young child can do it, to actual examples of unclean quickly too.

Are you honestly just making things up on the go. I have clarified on numerous posts, if your not making an effort to actually read properly then maybe jump off if it's still not making sense 😖

People just have different priorities surely it's not that hard to understand.

I would never make the bed... wth is the point? I've no idea how often I wash the bedsheets but it certainly isnt weekly or even twice weekly.

I'll let rinsed dishes sit in the sink for a day or two I just dont care cause it's not a thing worth caring about. I'll get them tomorrow.

You've clarified nothing. Is this about your long term partner? Husband? How old is he? How many children do you/he have? What exactly caused this massive nine page rant? Why do you clean so much? Who is praising him for checks notes making the bed badly?

And just because I KNOW it is irritating people, and just to be helpful, you keep using "your" when you should be using "you're"

Your sentences don't actually always make sense. If enough people are questions them, then maybe it's you?!

And you've really not explained what the whole praise thing is all about. So you live with someone who doesn't pull his weight. Address that with him, or change your standards, or compromise in some way. But telling everyone else that they "should" be some particular way isn't really going to change your life.

Some people don't care or are lazy or would rather do other things. So what? Judging them is really not going to make your life better.

I really don't think MN needs my husbands deto to understand anything about a capable adult being able to clean. I think it's pretty clear what I am saying. Not including vulnerable people but an adult has no mental or physical problem holding them back, then they should be able to find time and clean up after themselves. It's 9 pages, because you have people who agree, people who get defensive, people who agree and accept they do that, and people keep bringing up their health issues after I specifically have said numerous time I am not referring to that group of people.

Also, thanks for being helpful but if people are mote triggered over how I use 'your' and 'you're' instead of taking even 20 mins out their day to do quick cleaning then that really has left me without words.

Also, on the example I used I was trying to make a point that there are capable and fit adults who do half an ass of a job and expect praise for it when actually it's not a good job at all. I saw somewhere about, I'll says men who have done the bed up and it literally looks like a small child has fixed it up, and my point was why in a situation as that can't a grown fit and well adult fix the bed properly. My own husband has 'cleaned' the kitchen and then waited for me to praise him when for example the sink is still dirty and all the pans and pots are still out. Also before I get attacked on why did I marry him, sometimes you learn things later + he has other great qualities. How many women on here can tell me they have been thanked and praised by men for doing the bare minimum a person should be doing yet when it's a man we should praise them heavily. We praise children because they are learning, not grown fit adults. Also, for those complaining about 1 hour a day to literally live in a decent and clean space, is ridiculous. I also find it so strange people will spend hours trying to look good on the external but their house is a shit show. I would feel embarrassed if I had to make constant excuses why I can't spend even a few mins to clean. It's pure excuses. I am sure we all have very busy lifestyles but your home should be a Priority also and I don't regret saying that.

People calling me OCD because I like to clean yet feel triggered if I call them lazy. Makes no sense honestly.

& lastly, sorry to pick on men but this behaviour is generally seen in men (not just mine).

Imagine if people cared enough to be clean, the world would be in a better place also. All those making shit show excuses, makes me wonder how they treat the environment also.

Oh & before anyone uses the excuse of not cleaning because of the chemical products. There are plenty of environmental non chemical products out there also. With a bit of research you can create your own also, that's if you have the time of course.

You most certainly have not "triggered me a little". I'm well past the age of caring a flying fig what anyone thinks about me - or my cleanliness standards! Being dyslexic and English not being your first language does not excuse you being a judgemental, unpleasant, person who seems to be obsessive about something which really isn't that important. Some of us would rather spend our time enjoying life - not worrying about cleaning and tidying (yawn, yawn, yawn).

Incidentally, I didn't "mock" your sentances, merely pointed out some of them are difficult to follow. As have several other people.

So just to clarify, does the cleaning take a few minutes, 20 mins or an hour? You've cited all of those times and I'm more more confused than I ever was.

Also, I don't recall anyone saying they find your confusing writing style and cleaning up after themselves to be mutually exclusive (although admittedly, I've now spent more time than I should have trying to work out what the hell is going on here so I'm going to be clearing up the kitchen later than is ideal). You seem to assume that anyone who doesn't understand is 'triggered' and upset because they live in a pigsty 😂

@magicthree

You obviously cared enough to comment. I also enjoy my life and clean but yet that makes me an unpleasant person, ok aha.

I honestly don't think I am making a rude statement. I just think some people feel triggered because it's 9/10 how they are as a person and don't actually care about making an effort in their home. If I came on here like my house is spotless and I spend all day cleaning, how dare anyone ever has a day of messiness then you can call me all those names. My own house is a mess right now BUT I do value my home for me and my family and for that reason, I will get up and make an effort to put it together because I am a capable adult who is fit and well and not making excuses but WHEN I manage to get a moment. I can't believe people think 1 hour is a long time. People waste hours in their day sitting and making excuses for all sorts of things but you can't spend 1 hour putting your house together.

Unless you physically and mentally can't. It's poor excuses to be messy. Take it however you want but if you feel a certain way after because I am saying a capable adult should be able to put some time aside for their home; then the problem is honestly you.

The time was just an example that an hour can make a big difference.

Split your time however it suits you

I think there is a difference between being clean and being tidy.
It comes down to different priorities.
I don't make my bed to a good standard as it's time in the morning that i would rather be doing better things with but my home is definitely clean.

I have clothes scattered everywhere most of which are clean

My own house is a mess right now BUT I do value my home for me and my family and for that reason, I will get up and make an effort to put it together because I am a capable adult who is fit and well and not making excuses but WHEN I manage to get a moment.

But isn't that what most people doon, anyway? Clear up when they have a chance?

Do you imagine that majority of people are living like something out of Life of Grime, unable to get through the front door for accumulated junk or unable to make a meal because there is no space in the kitchen?!

Yes, there really are people out there who live in grim conditions and don't bother touching a thing even WHEN they can. That is what I am arguing. There are people who genuinely will walk past certain things and not give a toss, and let shit stack up. I am not talking about your average person who has every day mess that gets cleaned up. I am not saying everyone should have standards like Celebes who have cleaners 24/7 but there are grown adults who choose to look past the filth they have created because they can't be bothered to clean up OR even worse, make the mess and then ignore it because they are happily for others to clean up after them.

Also it's like in schools when they teach kids that they should clean up after themselves I.e generally toys, If half of you really believe the excuses you keep feeding yourself then you should tell your kids after they make mess to leave it and live their life because tidying up after yourself is not important and God forbid they spend a minute on their home.

These are all really basic life skills, it's shocking that anyone would even disagree that a home shouldn't be looked after. You may as well go out stinking and wear continuous dirty clothes while your at it if you truly believe living in very poor conditions is ok and it's called 'living your life in the moment'. Value your home for you/ and or your family. What is so hard about that :///

@bubblec
In your most recent reply to me you have given us more information than all of your previous posts combined.

So your husband is lazy and you are obsessed with tidying. Check.
Your example was making the bed - weird one to use tbh, and who the hell needs to "make the bed" in 2023. Don't we all just use duvets? Still - check
You appear to also have a thing about people expecting "praise" (although with out much explanation). Ok - check.

However - "I really don't think MN needs my husbands deto to understand anything about a capable adult being able to clean."
Well, without any details at all, it was hard to understand what you were actually ranting about. Now we know its a husband, which is a step forward.

"Also, thanks for being helpful but if people are mote triggered over how I use 'your' and 'you're' instead of taking even 20 mins out their day to do quick cleaning then that really has left me without words."
Simple. You are triggered by apparent lack of tidiness, others are triggered by appalling spelling/grammar.

"Imagine if people cared enough to be clean, the world would be in a better place also. All those making shit show excuses, makes me wonder how they treat the environment also."
You seem incredibly invested in this, almost to the point of obsession. Just my opinion.

"& lastly, sorry to pick on men but this behaviour is generally seen in men (not just mine)"

At the risk of incurring the wrath of Mumsnetters, I actually find this statement to be a huge and inaccurate generalisation, and borderline offensive. I have worked in housing repairs and after care in private and social housing, and I have been in more dirty (and I mean properly dirty) houses than you could even imagine. It is not in any way "generally men"

I have to disagree. I have also seen many many very very dirty homes and generally a woman is more inclined to clean than a man. I am not just talking from experience but how many men in the world expect to be praised after a simple hour task given by a woman. I am yet to find the opposite. However, that's not to say that men can't be clean. My dad is a very clean and organised man but my husband doesn't care much to do it himself yet wants to be in a clean home. Might sound offensive but it's true. This can be a whole separate discussion but I am not talking out my ass but from experience and things I've seen/ things I've read etc.

You know, I don't usually comment on grammar and spelling, but honestly OP, one of the things I expect adults to do is know the basics of literacy...

But maybe you were busy making the bed or something.

I have no intention of spending an hour a day cleaning my house (flat, actually) now, or ever. You may find time to enjoy life, but the point is you seem to obsess over cleaning and tidying - and, once again, I am not the only person to mention this. If I were living with you, the more you carried on like this the less I would be inclined to do in the house - in fact I would be spending as much time away from it as possible. I would also far rather "waste" an hour of my time doing something I enjoy rather than spending it cleaning - which to me is a waste of good time. I also never said cleaning makes you an unpleasant person, but your uncompromising views on this thread, and your replies to some posters point you out as being so. You are judging people who you don't know, and have no idea of how their houses look, simply because they don't want to spend an hour of every day cleaning.

Honestly, I was actually trying to cook food. Secondly, if I didn't have basic literacy skills, I wouldn't of stood a chance to be in the job I have today but thank you for taking the time to comment on my literacy. This post isn't about my literacy so let's stick to topic. If your passionate about adults and basic literacy, create a post and get people chatting.

Alrightttt @magicthree , if that makes sense to you then that's fine.

It makes me chuckle you actually think I am obsessed with cleaning. If I was obsessed, I would spend hours everyday with a cloth in my hand but that is so far from the truth. Also, sometimes having a really filthy home can actually become someone else's business and problem also. It's also incredibly selfish if your a partner who can't pick up after yourself but put pressure on others. There needs to be compromise, and if it's not there then what can I say.

@bubblec
"I have to disagree. I have also seen many many very very dirty homes and generally a woman is more inclined to clean than a man. I am not just talking from experience but how many men in the world expect to be praised after a simple hour task given by a woman. I am yet to find the opposite."

Not only is your sweeping generalisation of all men utterly bizarre, it is offensive and inaccurate

I'm not sure if I made myself clear on my actual real life experience. I used to be the complaints manager for 37 THOUSAND properties. I have been inside more homes than you have. I am confident about that. I have seen more filthy homes than you have. I mean filthy to the point of calling in contractors, filthy to the point of contacting social services. Filthy to the point of escorting workers when they attended.

I am not talking about popping in to one or two houses that didn't make the bed in the morning

Shall I tell you who had filthy houses? People did. Single men, married men. Single women, married women. Women with families, single parents. People with mental health issues

I get it, you are obsessed with cleanliness, but please recognise that other people have seen things you can't even begin to imagine and might have a slightly clearer perspective.

Here we go again, how do you know what I do or if I haven't seen the same if not more ? You know nothing about me or what do so please stick to your own experience and don't try downplay mine.

You don't even need to have experience, a simple Google search will confirm for you based on more studies than houses you've seen that women spend more time than men by far!

You are not bothered to try and even understand what I am saying, instead you have made up your mind to continue calling me obsessed even though I know I don't fit in the brackets of obsessed & plus since your all sensitive and calling me offensive, is it not offensive to use words like obsessed as a form to try & insult me when there are people who actually suffer with OCD and anxiety and present symptoms that someone like you would cal obsessed.

Also you said you wouldn't basically dare spend 1 hour cleaning yet you spent more time going through 9 pages of a post only to sit and pick out how I write. Example of time that could of been used wisely.