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Original poster

To think there isn't an excuse for an adult to live filthy

240 replies

bubblec · 30/03/2023 20:39

Let's put aside the vulnerable who for obvious reasons can't be included in this discussions. + not a shame post for people who do genuinely like to be in a clean environment but sometimes work and family gets in the way.

Why is it that grown adults who are more than capable of cleaning, just CHOOSE to be dirty and live In such environments that are clearly very unhygienic.

Even worse why does society treat some grown adults like they are little children who 'tried their best'. Your telling me a grown adult can't programme as an example, how to fix the bed in a decent manner that doesn't look like a 4 year old done up.

I am raging because I am in a position where I like to keep things decently clean and liveable whereas the other person has 0 care and then gets left on me because I know they simply don't care enough.

It should be a very bare minimum!!

Throw your thoughts ....

OP posts:
YesSirMam · 30/03/2023 22:09

I agree Op, DH is the same. Never sees mess or dirt. Happy to live in filth. It drives me mad. I can’t relax if our house is untidy & dirty but it doesn’t bother him at all. It’s unbelievable how some people can function

Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:09

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:04

If someone has adhd it's not selfish. They literally are disabled by their adhd and issues with executive functioning are incredibly common in people with adhd.

Please read up, I cba to repeat myself. For the last time, I don't know anything on ADHD and had no clue it was even linked until someone on here just brought it up.

A capable adult with no underlying problems that can hinder their ability to clean should be able to do minimal cleaning, and if their dirty habits puts pressure on significant others, it's very selfish.

I can't get any clearer than that.

OP posts:
ChubbyMorticia · 30/03/2023 22:11

bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:01

@ChubbyMorticia

I don't think he has ADHD tbh, just reading some of the signs but his sibling is exactly the same if not worse by x10 so I do think it's the lack of desire + probably relying on someone else to do it.

It can be selfish because although you (not you literally) may not want to clean but it's selfish to the other person who does like a clean space. There has to be some compromise in the middle.

Unless you’re in his head, you can’t really determine what symptoms he has or doesn’t. People learn to mask from an early age.

Honestly, it sounds as though you’ve already decided that it’s a character flaw and deliberate decisions of his. It seems like you want to be upset about the situation and be able to blame him with a clear conscience.

So, I’ll let you get on with that.

P. S. That his brother struggles as well strengthens the possibility of being neurodivergent.

Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:11

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:05

Instead of telling me to go read your comments (which I have) I would suggest that you do, indeed, go off and do some reading about adhd.

Because at the minute you're coming across as rather ableist.

Whatever will you make you stop repeating nonsense labels that I know I am not.

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:11

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 30/03/2023 22:08

Unless you have something stopping you, even minimal cleaning should be a thing for a grown capable adult.

Why?

Why not ?

OP posts:
pncr · 30/03/2023 22:12

I literally pay a cleaner for 4 hours a week.

She does everything for me in those 4 hours. She does my bed she does my bathroom, my windows, floors, tidies and resets the sitting and family rooms, does the kitchen.

What should I be doing that I'm not? I put my dishes in the dishwasher and do my laundry she irons anything that needs ironed

It genuinely wouldn't occur to me to do most of what she does.

Today she gathered up three glasses and two cups around the house - I hadn't even noticed them

Avarua2 · 30/03/2023 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:13

YesSirMam · 30/03/2023 22:09

I agree Op, DH is the same. Never sees mess or dirt. Happy to live in filth. It drives me mad. I can’t relax if our house is untidy & dirty but it doesn’t bother him at all. It’s unbelievable how some people can function

Me & you both

OP posts:
pncr · 30/03/2023 22:13

What @ChubbyMorticia said

Avarua2 · 30/03/2023 22:13

People don't change though. So dump.

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:14

Also. My partner when he's here does loads of cleaning. That's up to him. It's on him. I told him from the get go that I don't do housework and if he doesn't like that he has two choices. Do whatever cleaning he wants to do or don't let the door bang his arse on the way out. He chose to stay.

Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:14

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:12

I literally pay a cleaner for 4 hours a week.

She does everything for me in those 4 hours. She does my bed she does my bathroom, my windows, floors, tidies and resets the sitting and family rooms, does the kitchen.

What should I be doing that I'm not? I put my dishes in the dishwasher and do my laundry she irons anything that needs ironed

It genuinely wouldn't occur to me to do most of what she does.

Today she gathered up three glasses and two cups around the house - I hadn't even noticed them

That's good.

Like I said previously, if you can afford it then a cleaner is a good way to go about.

If you can't, and you don't have anything hindering you then no excuses.

OP posts:
YesSirMam · 30/03/2023 22:14

This is ridiculous. We are living in times where there’s an excuse for everything. Nobody has to take responsibility for anything anymore. It blows my mind. Sone people have no disability they are just messy & dirty. Why is that so hard to accept.

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:16

I'm physically disabled and I can't clean some things (eg windows, floors, ironing)

But I'm also disabled by my adhd and I don't notice cups to bring to the dishwasher or The bed to make.

Why is one seen as ok and the other as lazy?

Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:17

@ChubbyMorticia

No disrespect to what you have but my partner does not have ADHD and it's just down to unfortunate laziness and me picking up after him. Not everyone has a underlying disability, it's just pure lack of care and priority.

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:18

YesSirMam · 30/03/2023 22:14

This is ridiculous. We are living in times where there’s an excuse for everything. Nobody has to take responsibility for anything anymore. It blows my mind. Sone people have no disability they are just messy & dirty. Why is that so hard to accept.

Lourdes for those in the back please. Excuses for everything.

Unless there is a disability, there really is no excuse.

OP posts:
Yellowdays · 30/03/2023 22:19

Lourdes?

Thegoodandbadlife · 30/03/2023 22:19

This is the why I hated Uni and living with housemates. The mental impact really has and still does take its toll on me and now struggle to fully enjoy being able to move in with my long term partner in the not so distant future.

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:19

So. I was diagnosed with adhd at 47.

Was I just a lazy bastard before then?

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 30/03/2023 22:21

bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:17

@ChubbyMorticia

No disrespect to what you have but my partner does not have ADHD and it's just down to unfortunate laziness and me picking up after him. Not everyone has a underlying disability, it's just pure lack of care and priority.

If he was always like this why did you get together with him,stayed and then moved in? Why are you still with him?

Olive19741205 · 30/03/2023 22:21

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:12

I literally pay a cleaner for 4 hours a week.

She does everything for me in those 4 hours. She does my bed she does my bathroom, my windows, floors, tidies and resets the sitting and family rooms, does the kitchen.

What should I be doing that I'm not? I put my dishes in the dishwasher and do my laundry she irons anything that needs ironed

It genuinely wouldn't occur to me to do most of what she does.

Today she gathered up three glasses and two cups around the house - I hadn't even noticed them

So you're admitting that it needs to be done then? Kind of what the OP is saying...

Original poster
bubblec · 30/03/2023 22:21

Yellowdays · 30/03/2023 22:19

Lourdes?

Louder*

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 30/03/2023 22:23

I've read a few more posts now so I'm definitely going to mention making the bed....I think really what youre asking is not simply how can some people live in chaos and filth, but also why do others make excuses for them. A grown adult with their body and mental faculties in place should be quite capable of making a bed properly (oops, I've mentioned it) without the need for a medal or a 'bless him'.

This sort of thing

https://fb.watch/jBJqOxJA-e/

BB2 - Man does Thing

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pncr · 30/03/2023 22:23

Not all of it. I need her to wash my floors and do my kitchen.

Cleaning the shower screen I've done maybe 3 times in my life. Ironing the same. She irons but I'd just shove the stuff in a drawer. Or hang it up

She does all sorts of things that I've never done in my life. Some sort of electric scrubber thing for the extractor. Same for the skirting boards. I've never done that in my life.

pncr · 30/03/2023 22:24

I've never pretended to be anything but a disorganised mess.

My partner was told clearly before we got properly together what I was like and he saw it for himself.

Apparently I'm great company and the sex is fantastic so he's happy to stay Wink

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