To think there isn't an excuse for an adult to live filthy

[bubblec]

Let's put aside the vulnerable who for obvious reasons can't be included in this discussions. + not a shame post for people who do genuinely like to be in a clean environment but sometimes work and family gets in the way.

Why is it that grown adults who are more than capable of cleaning, just CHOOSE to be dirty and live In such environments that are clearly very unhygienic.

Even worse why does society treat some grown adults like they are little children who 'tried their best'. Your telling me a grown adult can't programme as an example, how to fix the bed in a decent manner that doesn't look like a 4 year old done up.

I am raging because I am in a position where I like to keep things decently clean and liveable whereas the other person has 0 care and then gets left on me because I know they simply don't care enough.

It should be a very bare minimum!!

Throw your thoughts ....

@bubblec
"Here we go again, how do you know what I do or if I haven't seen the same if not more ? You know nothing about me or what do so please stick to your own experience and don't try downplay mine"
You have completely ignored my real world experience despite me giving a bit of detail of how I gained it and yet I am accused of downplaying your experience?

"You don't even need to have experience, a simple Google search will confirm for you based on more studies than houses you've seen that women spend more time than men by far!"
You are now downplaying my real life experience in favour of what? Google? Your claim doesn't even support what you've been saying. Let me spell it out for you - women have filthy houses at the same rate as men. I've been in them, I've seen them, I've supported them. Care to tell us your experience?

"You are not bothered to try and even understand what I am saying, instead you have made up your mind to continue calling me obsessed even though I know I don't fit in the brackets of obsessed & plus since your all sensitive and calling me offensive, is it not offensive to use words like obsessed as a form to try & insult me when there are people who actually suffer with OCD and anxiety and present symptoms that someone like you would cal obsessed."

You are conflating "obsessed" with actual medical conditions.

"Also you said you wouldn't basically dare spend 1 hour cleaning yet you spent more time going through 9 pages of a post only to sit and pick out how I write. Example of time that could of been used wisely".
Apart from not recalling saying that at all, treading a thread in its entirety is usually seen as a good thing. I read it in the hope of you actually clarifying your op - which you haven't done.

As for picking out how you write - please, for the love of God, learn the difference between "your" and "you're". Some people might consider correct use of language to be a bit more important than making a bed.

I'm going to do the washing up now, despite being a man. While I'm gone, feel free to address any of the points I have raised rather than just attacking me like you have attacked everyone who has dared to question you throughout this thread.

Ah makes sense now, your a man so I understand why you feel offended now, and actually Google literally implies exactly what I am saying based on numerous studies. Women do clean more than men. Don't attack me, it's just what's out there.

I am not downplaying your experience but you sat there trying to downplay me as if you have so much more experience than me, when you don't know what I do or what experience I have. Aside from my 9-5 I have over 30 years experience in a field very similar to yours, and I have seen many many homes just like you. Your 36k houses although gives you some ground, it's still a relatively small study. Look around the world and you'll come to find out that I am actually right on a few things.

Calling me obsessed when I am not is definitely a form of intentional insult when you keep repeating it just to score points against me.

I think I have over explained myself and because In the last 2 hours 3 people decided to come down like a domino effect on all the sudden not understanding my sentences, I don't feel I need to keep repeating myself.

It's starting to come across like you are intentionally trying to miss the point I'm making and trying to get some sort of reaction from me. I promise you I have gone about my day as normal as one could and I do not feel I will lose one bit of sleep over anything I have said.

As a foreigner with dyslexia, apologies my literacy is not to your standards for MN. My literacy is good enough for my employer who pay my bills and that's all that matters to my on that topic.

I think we should just put this back and forth to rest now. I don't think we will come to an agreement. I have 0 regrets on anything said because I know with what intentions I came with regardless of the some of the name calling I've had.

Treat your homes exactly how you treat yourself. If that's like shit, then I suggest getting help.

Goodnight @bubblec I hope you managed to get done what you needed. 👍🏼

Treat your homes exactly how you treat yourself. If that's like shit, then I suggest getting help.

Still none of your business. It doesn’t affect you one tiny bit. Why judge?

Oh the irony of having typed "wouldn't of" in a sentence attempting to demonstrate "basic literacy skills".... 🙈

So all this is actually all about your husband and his ability, or lack thereof, to clean and tidy satisfactorily. Not really about other random people and whether their beds are correctly made. Because I'm not clear why the state of other people's homes is really a problem for you.

Is there a reason why you can't just have a conversation with your husband? Point out that although some of the washing up is done, it's not finished and the sink hasn't been rinsed out. Isn't that how capable and fit adults would behave? If he's looking for praise, give him some constructive feedback.

You've not found much support on this thread because you've chosen to use hyperbole ("filthy") when you meant "not quite to the same standards as I would choose". Remember that there will be lots of things that you do that will be of a lower standard than others would be happy with (your continual use of "your" when you mean "you're", for example).

Finally, you keep saying things just take a moment/you do them when you have a moment. If you knew how many moments you had left in your life, would you still choose to spend them the same way? Maybe you would but many people wouldn't and that's an acceptable choice as well.

In my opinion a home can also mirror who you are as a person in many ways.

Does it fuck. My mum's house was and still is immaculate. She's a shitty human being and mother.

Mine is a tip (at least by her standards and probably yours too) but I'm a pretty decent human being.

@DontMakeMeShushYou

Emm partly felt angered with his level of cleaning and me feeling the pressure. However, just made me think how many other people are out there in the world with the same mentality and just thought why a capable fit and well adult can't do the very basics & do them properly.

Also, I am not trying to seek validation or likes from anyone because on a topic as this, I actually don't need it because I know I am not actually saying anything bad and those people constantly battling me, ironically are the ones who probably feel a bit rattled by my post.

In a fairytale world, I wouldn't even want to spend more than half my day with others but instead I'd prefer to spend it with my kids and doing my own thing. However, life doesn't work that way, well in my case at-least and we all have a duty to fulfil somewhere.

On a separate note, I actually enjoy cleaning but I don't enjoy it when there is a capable adult adding to it and not being bothered how it makes the other person feel. I know I am not the only person in a position as that and no amount of communication can make some people change.

Sorry you feel that way but still shitty way to talk about your mum on a public page.

Also, I am not trying to seek validation or likes from anyone because on a topic as this, I actually don't need it because I know I am not actually saying anything bad and those people constantly battling me, ironically are the ones who probably feel a bit rattled by my post.

Well I think they are understandably defending themselves against your hyperbolic accusation that they are filthy people if they don't make the bed properly or do the washing up immediately. Tbf, you've reacted in exactly the same way when posters have pointed out that your grammatical errors might suggest you are illiterate.

Sorry you feel that way but still shitty way to talk about your mum on a public page.

It's the truth, nothing shitty about that. Unless you expect me to gloss over abuse and neglect.

If you actually think I said you are filthy because you don't do your bed, your completely missing anything I'm saying. Calling me possibly illiterate (extreme) is stupid because I can actually read and I can write which is a fact, and the only reason anyone even keeps trying to use that on me is because they are incredibly defensive over the fact they probably do keep their house in a state and probably don't bother to clean it even when they can, which actually proves my point exactly. The post is not about how I use your or you're, stick to topic and don't try deflect when you run out of excuses why you can't maintain a decent living space.

• I've said it many times now, I realise peoples homes can get messy (which is fine + mine) but for the very last time, if your a well and fit adult who allows their house to stack up of dirty, shit and mold and unhealthy level of dust and would rather look past it instead of actually cleaning it and then defend it by saying it's not unhygienic, it's a massive red flag.

I know I am not saying anything unreasonable but I am not shocked at the level of defence either because society in this day and age, don't want to be held accountable for anything even when they are clearly wrong. If people have kids in their home, would you agree that it's still ok to have children in very poor conditions where parents don't pull themselves together for their children's sake. I've suffered very bad depression, anxiety and moments where I have felt completely withdrawn as well and sometimes you can't keep making excuses for yourself. It really comes down deep down how much you care and what your willing to accept for you and your family. Stop making excuses for every little thing because those excuses will eventually run out and you'll just look ridiculous.

I also find it so strange people will spend hours trying to look good on the external but their house is a shit show. I would feel embarrassed if I had to make constant excuses why I can't spend even a few mins to clean. It's pure excuses. I am sure we all have very busy lifestyles but your home should be a Priority also and I don't regret saying that.
Aren't you high and mighty looking down on people who don't do things your way.

I'd be embarrassed if I was so obsessed with cleaning that someone not making the bed the right way was worthy of a Mumsnet post.
I'd also be embarrassed if I had a cleaning obsession that meant I went around telling other adults that they might be busy, but their home should be their priority.

Newsflash, people have different lifestyles and are happy about different things in their houses. I'd rather have a couple of mugs on the kitchen side at the end of the day than have a spouse who nags at me and thinks they're my parent.

I've said it many times now, I realise peoples homes can get messy (which is fine + mine) but for the very last time, if your a well and fit adult who allows their house to stack up of dirty, shit and mold and unhealthy level of dust and would rather look past it instead of actually cleaning it and then defend it by saying it's not unhygienic, it's a massive red flag.

But the point you're missing, is that living amidst stacks of dirt, mold and inches of dust isn't normal. Do you really know many (or any) people who live like that? And for anyone that is, I'd expect there are most likely other issues going on.

I'm really intrigued what it is you do aside from your 9-5 that gives you three same insight as the poster who was a complaints officer and seen 37 thousand homes.

As for your berating the PP who mentioned her abusive mother, she hardly gave out her name and address, did she? You've just told the MNshepre your husband is filthy and a man child that expects you to pick up after him!

Every update is confusing, contradictory and impossible to follow a your thought pattern, it's not just the wrong use of 'your' and 'you're'.

If you actually think I said you are filthy because you don't do your bed, your completely missing anything I'm saying. Calling me possibly illiterate (extreme) is stupid because I can actually read and I can write which is a fact, and the only reason anyone even keeps trying to use that on me is because they are incredibly defensive over the fact they probably do keep their house in a state and probably don't bother to clean it even when they can, which actually proves my point exactly.

This is exactly my point. Whether you meant to or not, you did suggest that an example of people who "live filthy" (or "in a filthy manner" if we would prefer to be careful about our grammar) is leaving a few crumbs on the sofa or some dirty dishes by the sink. It is as stupid a thing to say as calling someone illiterate because they've misspelled some words. Just as you have proved yourself defensive about your grammar, and made excuses as to why it isn't perfect and why it doesn't matter, others are rightfully defensive as to why they don't keep their house like a show home.

You can't understand why others don't bother to clean when they can. They wonder why you can't be bothered to spell check when you can.

The answer is because we all have different priorities, and they are all equally valid.

I get that to an extent. However, me not being bothered to prove check what I write on an online forum, is not the same because in my day to day, my literacy has never been an issue, let alone even being called 'illiterate' which is very far from the truth + not that it matters to anyone but the one subject I left with full marks in my exams was actually English ironically enough. I will admit I didn't care enough to check my spelling and comas and full stop in MN forum but it still doesn't equate you calling me illiterate 🤷🏽‍♀️

Leaving some dishes on the sink and crumbs after eating is quite common but getting up to then clean that should just be a very bare minimum. I genuinely can't understand what you don't understand about that. That's just two examples you have picked. Are you telling me a grown adult who is well, intentionally leaving dishes for days , food to eventually mold, food bits on beds and sofas and floors for a long period of time, dirty clothes to stink your room up, toilets with urine and shit stains for days and dirty sinks that I would feel Icked to even touch is acceptable ? That is actually disgusting. I know someone who lives just like that and has cat pee everywhere and stains everywhere and has a child living with them but will not give two shits to fix it. There is nothing wrong with them but they will spend hours trying to look good for social media but your going to defend that and say it's ok. No it is not ok. A police officer stopped by their place and they were disgusted at the state with a child there but let me guess I am wrong and hurting feelings because I am pointing out what should he the bare minimum for a decent living space.

You keep confusing normal every day mess that gets cleaned up vs mess that is intentionally left to stack up because they just can't be arsed! Just think of this, if your defending that level of mess, would you be comfortable with a small child touching that toilet + sink, washing them in that dirty tub, feeding them on top of food bits, those are just the very few. I could go on and on. Yes, it's not my business how you live but I am simply making a point in general and if that rattles you or anyone then I am not your problem.

I mentioned in a previous post, my neighbours house being in the most filthiest state I have ever seen + they smoked and it quickly became my business because I could smell it as soon as I opened my own door + my other neighbour in even worse ways. Believe it or not, that level of mess can actually eventually becomes someone else's business in many ways.

I hope that makes more sense. If not, I have nothing else to actually keep going around in circles about.