To think there isn't an excuse for an adult to live filthy

[bubblec]

Let's put aside the vulnerable who for obvious reasons can't be included in this discussions. + not a shame post for people who do genuinely like to be in a clean environment but sometimes work and family gets in the way.

Why is it that grown adults who are more than capable of cleaning, just CHOOSE to be dirty and live In such environments that are clearly very unhygienic.

Even worse why does society treat some grown adults like they are little children who 'tried their best'. Your telling me a grown adult can't programme as an example, how to fix the bed in a decent manner that doesn't look like a 4 year old done up.

I am raging because I am in a position where I like to keep things decently clean and liveable whereas the other person has 0 care and then gets left on me because I know they simply don't care enough.

It should be a very bare minimum!!

Throw your thoughts ....

Some people really struggle with executive functioning skills - I do. I'm not proud of it and I've done everything I can think off to improve it but I'm useless. I start a job, get distracted, move on to another job, get distracted and so on and so on. Embarrassingly this also extends to simple things that I shouldn't forget but do - like showering, brushing my teeth, taking my medicine (that I really need to take) and even basic functions such as drinking! I am well aware it's not normal to struggle to this extent, but I also know I can't be the only one. So I don't think it is a choice for everyone. I hate how much I struggle with things, I'd love to have a spotless home but I just don't know how. Alarms and routine help a lot but the minute my routine gets shaken up slightly everything falls apart again and it takes a very long time to get back to normal.

What's your definition of filth? A home can be clean but messy, is that unacceptable? Or are you talking about hoarders and the type of thing you see in the daily fail?

As an example i am awaiting assessment for confirmation of adhd. I like a clean and tidy environment but find it really hard to clean and tidy. The classic piles of important or 'I'll do that later' stuff scattered about, one room might get a burst of hyper focus and be spotless and organised (for 10 minutes then small dc wreck it!) while another is scattered with toys or a half finished project. On the whole it's clean enough and anyone judging because I don't ignore my dc or myself to scrub a grey toned, sterile box can knob off.

Any possibility your partner has ADHD?

I drive my husband nuts at times. I’ll be so deep in thought I’ll literally step over something instead of picking it up. My subconscious registers there’s an obstacle in my path, but I don’t really SEE it. Or other times he’ll ask, “Have you seen…?” and I can go straight to the misplaced item. My radar picks up on it, but not in a, “gee, I should put that away…” thing, but rather a, “location noted.” way.

My desk is a disaster, but I know where things are. My husband straightening it actually frustrates me to the point of anger. It’s my space, leave it, it works for me. I’ll tackle it when I do.

Our home isn’t a filthy hole, but it’s nowhere near perfect. Sinks are emptied twice a day, garbage is whisked out when full, bathrooms cleaned regularly, etc. But no beds are made, the bookshelves are a cluttered, disorganized pile, and guaranteed there’s handprints to be found. Meh.

I never make my bed.

I also don't spend an hour a day cleaning and never have.

Now I have a cleaner but even when I didn't I didn't spend an hour a day cleaning.

@fairywhale your also make a plain judgement that I probably neglect my kids to clean. Very far from the truth but I can see your point if that was the case. A lot of the time, I do quick cleaning when the kids are off to bed if I'm not too tired. Otherwise, I'll clean on the go when I can, simple thing. I do a very deep clean once in a while and usually my kids will be out for the day if that happens. Like I keep saying, there is always a way. It's just how much you care as a person.

Your a grown adult. I don't know your timetable, but you can fit even little bits WHEN you can. If that means once a week then you got a very busy day ahead but my point again is not on when's and how's. It's people simply choosing not to and making excuses for it. Very wrong in my opinion.

I really sympathise with this because believe it or not it's very normal and it's the case for many people I imagine. I have days when I feel so overwhelmed by the mess, I can't function in my day. Not everyone will have a very shiny and spotless house but very simple things on the go, can help and go a long way.

Also. I have physical disabilities and ASD and adhd - that's something I'm open about on here and with my partner and those close to me, but random acquaintances don't know.

So the ransomed coming to my house right now might think "lazy cunt hasn't tidied up after herself" but I had a bad night last night and a bad day today and the dishes can sit on the side til the morning.

And if people don't like it and think I'm a clatty midden and want to gossip about me they can knock themselves out.

Do you not believe that executive dysfunction or ADHD exist, then?

You basically are saying you don't believe in adhd.

That's ableist.

Xpost @ChubbyMorticia

I have no idea but I have wondered what the reason could be behind it.

My partner really doesn't like cleaning and I quite enjoy it. I have said numerous time, I am happy to do the cleaning but please don't stack it up and make it difficult for me. It can be so selfish.

Up until now, I didn't even know that could be a cause. So easy on the labelling.

• if you read my post, it excludes anyone who is vulnerable in any measure that would prevent them from cleaning.

People really doing the upmost to excuse bad habits.

If he does have ADHD, he’s not being selfish. He genuinely isn’t seeing the problem as he’s doing it, because his attention is elsewhere and he’s moving on autopilot.

He’s not doing it out of laziness, selfishness or a desire to annoy you if he has ADHD. Perhaps doing a bit of reading and learning more about it would help.

So you just said "people" do the utmost to excuse "bad habits"

That's ableist. I am diagnosed with adhd and ASD.

What's a "bad habit" anyway?

And why does ANYONE other than your partner or someone you share a home with owe you an explanation?

@ChubbyMorticia

I don't think he has ADHD tbh, just reading some of the signs but his sibling is exactly the same if not worse by x10 so I do think it's the lack of desire + probably relying on someone else to do it.

It can be selfish because although you (not you literally) may not want to clean but it's selfish to the other person who does like a clean space. There has to be some compromise in the middle.

I am not being funny, but I feel like your trying really hard to find any reason to try and make it come across like I'm discriminating you, and I am not. I don't have knowledge of ADHD but will do my research if it helps you.

Maybe read a couple of comments up and you may pick up what my actual point is.

Executive dysfunction
illness
time poor

or

just couldn’t give a shit and it’s none of your business

If someone has adhd it's not selfish. They literally are disabled by their adhd and issues with executive functioning are incredibly common in people with adhd.

I guess part of it comes down to 'standards' and what someone feels is important. I don't make my bed. If the mattress sheet has been pulled about so it's got a big wrinkle in it, I'll waft/pull it out smooth as that would irritate me but I'm more likely to do it a bedtime. I only 'make' the bed when i change the bedding. Books on table wouldn't bother me likewise a few plates/cups on the drainer. I don't hoover much and I rarely clean the skirting boards or windows......because it doesn't bother me and its perfectly clean enough. I often hear tails where one partner 'goes on strike' so a lot of 'petty' jobs get left....and no-one cares.
I've friends who spend an hour doing their hair and make up every morning. Does that make me slovenly because I don't. I just don't think what you get back is worth it everyday. I don't give a darm about the cushions (apparently they have a set way) or the throws. Why fold up a blanket?
I do however like a clean bathroom eg and tooth paste in the sink or skid marks in the loo is awful.
Essentially, your view of untidy/dirty may be very different.

Instead of telling me to go read your comments (which I have) I would suggest that you do, indeed, go off and do some reading about adhd.

Because at the minute you're coming across as rather ableist.

Any illness that would prevent them from doing chores, I won't argue on as I mentioned in my original

Second point, to an extend it can become someone business. Unless you have something stopping you, even minimal cleaning should be a thing for a grown capable adult.

I pay a cleaner. She cleans things I wouldn't even think to clean (due to my adhd) and things that I can't clean (due to physical disabilities).

I hate that one sort of not cleaning and doing stuff is seen as ok and the other isn't.

Unless you have something stopping you, even minimal cleaning should be a thing for a grown capable adult.

Why?

On top of the things I have listed, and I should have included cleaning up the kitchen after yourself, the average house does not need an hour a day. That's 7 hours a week, on top of standard daily necessities. If you hire a cleaner for an average house 3-4 hours is plenty. Maybe for an average grown adult you are a teeny bit obsessed!