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Original poster

Sat on my own on holiday ....boyfriend made new friends

342 replies

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 17:33

I'm on holiday with my boyfriend of 2 years.
It's meant to be a romantic holiday
Had a brilliant morning
Then he talks to anyone
He started talking to this couple with their kids
All afternoon he has chatted with them
I have sat there -he hasn't said a word
He's organising to meet them tonight and keep spaces around the pool tomorrow

I said I'm going to room to have a shower
He has stated writhed the pool with them

I'm not excited for the few days ahead now
Am I being silly ?
I don't want to spend my holiday with strangers
I'm just not that type of person

OP posts:
Lolapusht · 31/03/2023 14:07

@Crazyshihtzulady not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but please reconsider getting married to someone who you wish was as nice to you as he is to strangers!! He will only get worse after getting married. He’s not about to miraculously start being the perfect partner.

teenagetantrums · 31/03/2023 14:17

My DP is actually like this..minus the drinking. Everywhere she goes she makes friends. I just ignore it all and read my book or have a nap. I don't like strangers to be honest. I refuse to allow any joint meals the rest of it l just let her carry on.
To be fair we always get excellent service at all the hotels as she makes all the staff her best friends for a week. But if you are not happy he should consider your feelings

whatausername · 31/03/2023 14:54

Just go fricking holiday. Who cares what he is doing. You're not responsible for others and you shouldn't be joined at the hip. Is this "romantic holiday" in your head? Bc his actions demonstrate he thinks it's a chilled fun holiday. (Whether those he is hanging with see it as fun is a different matter and nothing to do with you.)

DanceMonster · 31/03/2023 15:05

Who cares what he is doing

Normally when you go on holiday with someone, it’s because you want to spend time with them.

Iflyaway · 31/03/2023 15:08

I hope he has a banging headache tomorrow and gets the shits from ice in his drinks.

Gosh, aren't you a charmer?

How would that make the holiday better for the OP?

OP, I hope you're having a better day today whatever you're doing....

Maybe a good lesson for you to take from this is to be more independent than relying on people who do not have your best interests at heart.

monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 15:15

whatausername · 31/03/2023 14:54

Just go fricking holiday. Who cares what he is doing. You're not responsible for others and you shouldn't be joined at the hip. Is this "romantic holiday" in your head? Bc his actions demonstrate he thinks it's a chilled fun holiday. (Whether those he is hanging with see it as fun is a different matter and nothing to do with you.)

Who cares what he's doing?

The person he's on holiday with presumably...

Be a bit weird if she was happy to be ignored while he got increasingly pissed and unkind as the day went on tbh.

Newyearnewhome · 31/03/2023 15:51

Imtryingnottobother · 31/03/2023 13:37

It’s amazing isn’t it. Why bother undertaking years of study, or even paying a professional for a diagnosis when the talented folk of mumsnet can tell you what the problem is based on a few paragraphs.

Show quote history

I kind of agree with you….feels like everyone exhibiting selfish, manipulative behaviour is called a narcissist.

the reality is ( not an psychologist, but work with them!) that almost all people exhibit narcissistic behaviour at some point, the tipping point is the frequency, coupled with lack of empathy and awareness of others.

To be fair, his behaviour does sound narcissistic. The OP will probably have a better idea than a psychologist tbh because she sees him in different settings.

but I think we can all agree that he’s a twat!

Thighlengthboots · 31/03/2023 16:45

Just go fricking holiday. Who cares what he is doing

Did you even read her posts? he was drinking from 10am and passed out before dinner so she had it on her own.

That doesnt sound much of a fun holiday to me. It sounds shit.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 31/03/2023 17:14

Narcissistic or not - his behaviour is disgusting. You don't need a PHD for that diagnosis or a CDM either

CantGetDecentNickname · 31/03/2023 17:39

Hi OP,
how has your day been?

Keeper11 · 31/03/2023 18:23

Go out to dinner. Choose a table with your back to a wall, take your tablet, phone and a book. You can watch what is going on and everybody sees you have masses of friends contacting you on your phone.
Choose a delicious meal and as much wine as you fancy and enjoy it!
I have been forced to do this and trust me it works!
Good Luck

mozzierella · 31/03/2023 18:27

Sounds like he has a drinking problem or maturity problem?

Maybe he will calm down soon

WhT an annoying prick. Is that your life partner? Is that what you want?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/03/2023 18:39

Truckinghell · 31/03/2023 08:55

No, they're right. Playing volleyball in the pool with random teenagers when you're in your 30s is the height of social skills. Everyone watching that unfold is saying 'what a completely normal guy, so sociable, very normal behaviour'.

Not, perhaps, smiling at the same couple at breakfast every day or having a brief conversation around the pool about a local recommendation. That is the peak of social ineptitude.

Show quote history

I'm sure that made sense to you. I hope so, because it doesn't to me.

Moanyoldmoan · 31/03/2023 18:45

I genuinely assumed this was a 20 something lad messed up on holiday. When I saw he was 37 I spat my tea out. OP No. no baby. No marriage. My ex was like this and it only got worse. The drinking. The disrespect. Everything

Noononoo · 31/03/2023 18:54

you can't make people do things. You can't make people love you. They have to want to. And your behaviour is not helping. It might not be fair. It might not be right. Just tell him you are really sorry for being such a selfish grump. The nicer you are the more he'll want to be with you. Now you've got to act your way out of this good luck. He's happy ...join him, be sociable don't sulk.

T1Dmama · 31/03/2023 18:55

Tell him you don’t want to sit with strangers … you can’t do much to get out of tonight but I’d be polite tonight at dinner and make it very clear to your partner this isn’t the holiday you wanted! & won’t be saving pool seats etc …

NoNameNoOne · 31/03/2023 18:56

Hope today was better love x

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/03/2023 18:59

Noononoo · 31/03/2023 18:54

you can't make people do things. You can't make people love you. They have to want to. And your behaviour is not helping. It might not be fair. It might not be right. Just tell him you are really sorry for being such a selfish grump. The nicer you are the more he'll want to be with you. Now you've got to act your way out of this good luck. He's happy ...join him, be sociable don't sulk.

The 1950s called and they'd like their attitudes back.

monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 19:01

Noononoo · 31/03/2023 18:54

you can't make people do things. You can't make people love you. They have to want to. And your behaviour is not helping. It might not be fair. It might not be right. Just tell him you are really sorry for being such a selfish grump. The nicer you are the more he'll want to be with you. Now you've got to act your way out of this good luck. He's happy ...join him, be sociable don't sulk.

Good grief, I'm hoping this is a joke.

linsey2581 · 31/03/2023 19:02

Could be worse. My grandad passed away just after Christmas and my gran was in bits (still is) so my aunt and her partner offered to take her on holiday with them to give her a break I was offered to go along to (to support her and it’s a free holiday) which I have. Now we have suspected before that she has started to become muddled but grandad kept her going. It’s definitely plain to see now that early onset dementia is creeping in and although she is loving being away she is being very hard work and is becoming increasingly moody and that’s not just because she’s old. This holiday is exhausting. I would gladly take your place to be eating or going for a walk in my own at the minute.

monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 19:03

@Noononoo

He drinks from 10am, gets increasingly unpleasant throughout the day, ignores her, then rants at her telling her she's ruined the holiday and then falls asleep pissed before they've even had dinner...

And your solution is for her to apologise to him for being selfish and put her own needs aside?

Christ.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/03/2023 19:05

monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 19:03

@Noononoo

He drinks from 10am, gets increasingly unpleasant throughout the day, ignores her, then rants at her telling her she's ruined the holiday and then falls asleep pissed before they've even had dinner...

And your solution is for her to apologise to him for being selfish and put her own needs aside?

Christ.

There's always someone completely unashamed about being a handmaiden....

DanceMonster · 31/03/2023 19:15

Noononoo · 31/03/2023 18:54

you can't make people do things. You can't make people love you. They have to want to. And your behaviour is not helping. It might not be fair. It might not be right. Just tell him you are really sorry for being such a selfish grump. The nicer you are the more he'll want to be with you. Now you've got to act your way out of this good luck. He's happy ...join him, be sociable don't sulk.

FFS 😂

PeachyPeachTrees · 31/03/2023 19:25

linsey2581 · 31/03/2023 19:02

Could be worse. My grandad passed away just after Christmas and my gran was in bits (still is) so my aunt and her partner offered to take her on holiday with them to give her a break I was offered to go along to (to support her and it’s a free holiday) which I have. Now we have suspected before that she has started to become muddled but grandad kept her going. It’s definitely plain to see now that early onset dementia is creeping in and although she is loving being away she is being very hard work and is becoming increasingly moody and that’s not just because she’s old. This holiday is exhausting. I would gladly take your place to be eating or going for a walk in my own at the minute.

She doesn't want to be on holiday on her own and escaping her life though.
She wants a lovely romantic holiday with her boyfriend. Just the two of them, making memories and excitedly planning for their future together.

ellyeth · 31/03/2023 20:07

I am not particularly chatty to strangers and neither is my husband. But if I find people who I feel a connection with I would probably chat with them. Perhaps you are not particularly talkative and your boyfriend enjoys socialising with other people. It sounds like you didn't participate in any way while he was chatting to the other people. Perhaps he thought you were being unfriendly and stand-offish.

Maybe you are just not very well suited. On holiday, when you are together all the time, it soon becomes apparent if two people want different things.