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Original poster

Sat on my own on holiday ....boyfriend made new friends

342 replies

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 17:33

I'm on holiday with my boyfriend of 2 years.
It's meant to be a romantic holiday
Had a brilliant morning
Then he talks to anyone
He started talking to this couple with their kids
All afternoon he has chatted with them
I have sat there -he hasn't said a word
He's organising to meet them tonight and keep spaces around the pool tomorrow

I said I'm going to room to have a shower
He has stated writhed the pool with them

I'm not excited for the few days ahead now
Am I being silly ?
I don't want to spend my holiday with strangers
I'm just not that type of person

OP posts:
mustgetoffmn · 31/03/2023 00:58

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 18:37

I was speaking to the people but not ott like him
He was in the pool playing with the kids then offering them upgraded drinks as we have the gold band
Just being too much
It wasn't just 10 mins it was hours
I'm going to get ready and go for food then sit on the beach (the hotel is on the beach so no walking far) and watch the sunset

From all that you’ve described I’m afraid this is classic alcohol behaviour. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s alcoholic but the socialising tends to be led by drinking and the way in which that leads to wanting more both of drink and then of increased and over the top engagement with people. Some people can’t stop at a couple of drinks and if this is a common pattern it could indicate building alcohol dependency. He could do with trying to hold back and be conscious of the issue. Might need some support if he can’t control this pattern himself. You don’t want marriage and a baby until this is checked out. Believe me.

LuluBlakey1 · 31/03/2023 01:00

He needs a bit of self-awareness.

Having said that, we were in the middle of nowhere on the very north-west coast of Scotland and DH got chatting with another bloke at the local post-office/shop/garage/animal feeds dealer/pub- all in one, and it turned out he was on holiday with his DW and two small kids and he was a Bradford City supporter too.

Two hours later 'I'll only be 10 minutes', he comes back full of it- every detail of a really dull conversation about football and Bradford. Thinks we should ask them for a meal. We didn't.

StressedSandwich · 31/03/2023 01:04

Remind me to not speak to anyone on holiday bloody hell!!

In all honesty OP if he was drinking and chatting away he probably didn't realise how long you was sitting on your own, he might just be one of them people who enjoys the company of others on holiday as well as you, Id speak to him tomorrow when he's sober, he probably will realise he's made a fool of himself.
Get him to join in the darts or pool games or something if he wants company with other people!

Carlycat · 31/03/2023 01:28

He sounds like a creep. I'd bet the other family think so too

TommyNever · 31/03/2023 01:37

OP reads like a poem. I'd buy the anthology and I'm not normally one for modern poetry.

Mothership4two · 31/03/2023 01:56

My DH is a lot more chatty than me and has made "holiday friends" but he wouldn't be acting like this without my say so. I agree with others on here that this couple might not be thrilled with his attention.

We once hit it off with a couple of women on holiday and spent most of the week with them but only because we were both on board with it and the 4 of us were together ie not 3 + 1.

If I was the OP I would be wondering why he wants to spend time with some randoms instead of with me on a "romantic" or any holiday

Avarua2 · 31/03/2023 01:58

DarlingG · 30/03/2023 20:01

My husband would do this if given the chance. He talks to people far too much in my opinion and I’d far rather speak to no one on holiday 🙈 it’s just awkward if you do speak to people as they’re then there on your holiday all week and there’s no escaping it. He’s now warned within an inch of his life not to speak to people any more than a polite chat on holiday 😂

Same problem here. I hate small talk. He loves it!

Fifi1010 · 31/03/2023 02:03

I don't know you don't both WFH do you? I might have felt like this before the pandemic but now I like to talking to randomers and I'm pretty antisocial normally. It's less pressure as I'll never see them again. I see my DH day in day out as he's permanently WFH 🤣🤣 it's nice to see other people.

Equalitea · 31/03/2023 04:39

It sounds like your partner doesn’t know you very well if you say that you’re not that type of person. Or he knows and doesn’t care. I think holidays can often show people in a different light and make or break relationships.

Tell him how you feel? Can you organise something away from the hotel so it gets you time alone just you two?

WTF475878237NC · 31/03/2023 05:30

Haven't read all the comments from other posters but from your posts I'd say he's not that bothered about your feelings and needs a lot of validation from others.

Also I couldn't be with someone who puts a towel on a lounger for someone else/reserves one by the pool.

butterfliedtwo · 31/03/2023 05:33

canyon2000 · 30/03/2023 19:57

He is prioritising people thinking he is great over what makes you happy. He won't change.

Yep. Rethink the marriage and family planning unless you want a lifetime of this.

Shadycurtain · 31/03/2023 05:38

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 19:53

The kids were 16 /17 he was playing pool volleyball etc

Are any of the “kids” female? I suspect he is a creep and trying to get close to the teenagers, or at least trying to win the adoration of young teenagers. So not quite a paedo as they are 16 so of legal age, but pretty distasteful. Honestly I’d bin him first chance you get, if funds allow I’d see if the hotel has another room available.

Autienotnautie · 31/03/2023 05:53

I'd say he doesn't enjoy one on one time and prefers group settings. Which is fine if you are both on the same page . If this is a one off I'd talk to him sober about his expectation's often holiday and try to find some middle ground. If he's not willing to do that you need to consider if long term you can accept this. Also imagine trying to entertain a couple of young kids while dh gets hammered and parties with the other guests.

knittingaddict · 31/03/2023 06:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What?

I think it's you that needs reporting SchoolTripDrama.

knittingaddict · 31/03/2023 06:10

Thelnebriati · 31/03/2023 00:31

@balconygirl Your BF made sure he was the centre of attention, was pleasant to everyone else for strokes and was then nasty to you. That makes me wonder if he has narc tendencies.

''Narcissists often become more challenging to be around during the holidays. Year-end holidays are about connection, appreciation, and giving — values that are the opposite of narcissists' core needs of attention, admiration, and entitlement.''
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=narcs+get+worse+while+on+holiday&t=operav&ia=web

I was wondering that too. The wanting people to think he's great definitely suggests that to me. Along with the other behaviours.

Sux2buthen · 31/03/2023 06:18

So he's gone from a few too many to an alcoholic paedophile with almost no information given.
Excellent, you can easily see how pitchfork mentality used to thrive in ye olden days

PepsiMaxandPringleStacks · 31/03/2023 06:21

Communicate with your partner not mumsnet ConfusedBiscuit

Antiquiteas · 31/03/2023 06:27

Fuck. He sounds awful.

IncompleteSenten · 31/03/2023 06:30

He doesn't have a nasty bone in his body? Then why was he being a dick to you, telling you you'd ruined the holiday and so on? That sounds like him being nasty to me.

As for needing everyone to think he's wonderful - how come that doesn't extend to you?

ApolloandDaphne · 31/03/2023 06:42

I think you need to see how the rest of the holiday unfolds. If he realises he was a dick yesterday and spends the rest of the holiday with you then I think it's fine. If not then you maybe need to rethink the relationship.

user1492757084 · 31/03/2023 07:34

Once he is not drunk,he will feel differently.
Don't bother talking to a drunkard.
If you wish to have any private time with him be proactive.
Join in when he is with people.

Then organise other fun things for you both, alone.
This is also a way to limit drinking.
Boat tours, snorkling, restaurants etc.
Have fun. No young person wants to sit on a holiday.
When you get home reassess the relationship.

ValerieDoonican · 31/03/2023 07:43

Just to warn you that if it turns out he can't control his drinking, and then gets unpleasant when he's had too much, you are in for a lifetime of anxiety every time he has a drink in his hand.

Rosula · 31/03/2023 08:00

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 19:52

He just loves people
He loves people thinking he is great
He doesn't have a nasty bone in his body
He just wants people to think he's great
He's done this before with couples etc

Maybe point out to him gently that people probably don't think that he's great when he attaches himself to them, wants to do activities with teenagers, and is pissed all day.

Noremorse · 31/03/2023 08:05

I would find him over the top and embarrassing.

icelollycraving · 31/03/2023 08:11

Oh god, how hideous. Dh is very antisocial in every day life. There are times though, holidays being one example, where he gets overly friendly but can’t read the social cues. I remember him trying to befriend a couple on honeymoon, I could see they were thinking ‘oh shit, here he comes’ but dh couldn’t see it at all.
Give him a bollocking this morning. Whilst needing strangers to think he’s great for getting them upgraded drinks, his girlfriend is having a horrible time. So your feelings are worth less than a random family who he will never see again.
Holidays can be a real eye opener.