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Original poster

Sat on my own on holiday ....boyfriend made new friends

342 replies

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 17:33

I'm on holiday with my boyfriend of 2 years.
It's meant to be a romantic holiday
Had a brilliant morning
Then he talks to anyone
He started talking to this couple with their kids
All afternoon he has chatted with them
I have sat there -he hasn't said a word
He's organising to meet them tonight and keep spaces around the pool tomorrow

I said I'm going to room to have a shower
He has stated writhed the pool with them

I'm not excited for the few days ahead now
Am I being silly ?
I don't want to spend my holiday with strangers
I'm just not that type of person

OP posts:
Mistymoonsinastarrysky · 31/03/2023 08:18

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 19:52

He just loves people
He loves people thinking he is great
He doesn't have a nasty bone in his body
He just wants people to think he's great
He's done this before with couples etc

Ugh.
He sounds like a bloke I met who fancied himself as a Michael MacIntyre lookalike 🙄, had to be the centre of attention, sought admiration and hangers on everywhere he went.
Pathetic behaviour from a nearly middle aged man.

EscapeTheCastle · 31/03/2023 08:20

He doesn't sound like my kind of guy. Is he your kind of guy OP?

He's 37. Before you met him, I wonder why he hasn't been snatched up already?
I wonder.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/03/2023 08:32

OP, this is Mn, which is overwhelmingly populated by the socially maladroit and ‘introverts’ (who aren’t generally speaking introverts at all, just shy and withdrawn)

I am an introvert, I'm not socially maladroit (I function perfectly well in social situations, always have and can be the life and soul when I feel like it), and this bloke sounds a complete arse. He's on holiday with his gf, not Rob and Sandra and their brood; and when she wants some of his company he turns nasty. I'd say the 'socially maladroit one' is him.

DanceMonster · 31/03/2023 08:51

I’m not an introvert. I’m definitely not shy or withdrawn, or ‘socially maladroit’. I’m happy to chat to people on holiday, but I would object to a random man inserting himself into our family holiday, and to my partner spending all his time on our holiday with a random family instead of with me.

FrenchandSaunders · 31/03/2023 08:53

This reminds me of a friend of mine who went on a city break with her DH.

Got chatting to another couple in the bar of the hotel, her DH being super sociable, buying all the rounds, mr nice guy, charming everyone. He then invited the couple to join them at a nearby restaurant, rang and changed the booking.

They arrived at the restaurant and he disappeared to the loo whilst they were looking at menus …. was gone for ages, then my friend got a text “I’m outside, decided I didn’t want to eat with them after all, let’s go somewhere else”😳😳

Truckinghell · 31/03/2023 08:55

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 31/03/2023 08:32

OP, this is Mn, which is overwhelmingly populated by the socially maladroit and ‘introverts’ (who aren’t generally speaking introverts at all, just shy and withdrawn)

I am an introvert, I'm not socially maladroit (I function perfectly well in social situations, always have and can be the life and soul when I feel like it), and this bloke sounds a complete arse. He's on holiday with his gf, not Rob and Sandra and their brood; and when she wants some of his company he turns nasty. I'd say the 'socially maladroit one' is him.

No, they're right. Playing volleyball in the pool with random teenagers when you're in your 30s is the height of social skills. Everyone watching that unfold is saying 'what a completely normal guy, so sociable, very normal behaviour'.

Not, perhaps, smiling at the same couple at breakfast every day or having a brief conversation around the pool about a local recommendation. That is the peak of social ineptitude.

BeachBlondey · 31/03/2023 08:57

Me and DH are in our 50's, and always get chatting to strangers on holiday! We've made friends with Canadians and Americans a lot, as we holiday in the Caribbean. I think you could find a happy medium here. Tell him you don't want t do it all day. Have a drink with him and loosen up. Chat a little but also have your own time?

StaunchMomma · 31/03/2023 08:58

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 19:52

He just loves people
He loves people thinking he is great
He doesn't have a nasty bone in his body
He just wants people to think he's great
He's done this before with couples etc

After how he spoke to you, I'm thinking you've located his drunken twat bone.

FiddleLeaf · 31/03/2023 08:58

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 19:52

He just loves people
He loves people thinking he is great
He doesn't have a nasty bone in his body
He just wants people to think he's great
He's done this before with couples etc

I would hate it too but it sounds like this is just who he is so why are you expecting him to change on this holiday?

itwasntmetho · 31/03/2023 09:10

Oh god I went out with a crowd pleasing douche for a decade. It was embarrassing I wish I'd had this insight after a couple of years, I just thought I was a miserable prick.
I'm very happy without him and a normal amount of sociable, people can still warm to you when you're not falling all over yourself to upgrade their drinks.

Cherry2010 · 31/03/2023 09:31

I had a friend like this, she could literally come out of a doctors waiting room with a new best mate. She HAD to speak with everyone she encountered. It was very tiresome and, tbh, she also used to draw attention to herself by being very “fun” and loud. I don’t know why she did it, and it did my head in massively. If we met for a coffee I’d be sat there whilst she made friends with the server, next table, taxi driver… I used to think I was so boring and crap after spending time with her. Now I’m a bit wiser I realise she was a bit of a dick.

Thighlengthboots · 31/03/2023 09:48

Merryoldgoat · 30/03/2023 20:00

Read that again.

Thats not a description of a person who doesn’t have a nasty bone in their body.

That’s a description of a man who wants to be centre of attention to the detriment of his partner’s wellbeing.

Show quote history

Well said. This sounds like someone who thrives on attention/validation from others to prop up his pathetic, insecure ego.

This isnt about him wanting people to like him (which we all do to one extent or another) its about him needing people to like him to fill a void and he doesnt give a toss if this involves ignoring the person he is supposed to love most.

swayingpalmtree · 31/03/2023 09:51

OP, this is Mn, which is overwhelmingly populated by the socially maladroit and ‘introverts’ (who aren’t generally speaking introverts at all, just shy and withdrawn)

LOL there is a HUGE difference between being sociable and chatty with others when you encounter them and inserting yourself into someone else's family holiday the moment you arrive. The first is normal, the second is NOT.

Thighlengthboots · 31/03/2023 10:02

No, they're right. Playing volleyball in the pool with random teenagers when you're in your 30s is the height of social skills. Everyone watching that unfold is saying 'what a completely normal guy, so sociable, very normal behaviour'

haha! right? I'd be extremely impressed if a random man in his 30s who had been drinking constantly since 10am insisted on playing volleyball with my 16 year old daughter/son on holiday and then tried to get us to meet him for dinner that night. In fact, my main impression would be "what incredible and impressive social skills this man has!"

CallMeFeral · 31/03/2023 10:12

Wow, you’re apparently married to my husband. Good luck with that.

We once got a voucher from friends for a romantic dinner. He spent it chatting to the single diner near us and then invited her to join us.

Given you don’t have kids yet, give some serious thought as to whether you want to be put last your whole life.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/03/2023 10:13

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 18:00

We have had a lovely day
He's been drinking since 10
Gradually got louder and louder
Now he is really drunk and being a dick basically
This morning we were talking about trying for a baby and getting married

Do not have a baby it get married to this man!

One of my serious relationships where we’d been together just over a year and talked about getting married and kids, my boyfriend then got worse on holiday, blamed me for not reading the Greek road signs and our already rocky relationship got worse. I left him there after a week! Don’t do that but certainly think of a get out clause!

UnDruidlyWords · 31/03/2023 10:14

PepsiMaxandPringleStacks · 31/03/2023 06:21

Communicate with your partner not mumsnet ConfusedBiscuit

It sounds like she's still waiting for him to sleep off yesterday's drinking. No point trying to communicate with someone who is drunk.

NeedWineNow · 31/03/2023 10:16

DanceMonster · 31/03/2023 08:51

I’m not an introvert. I’m definitely not shy or withdrawn, or ‘socially maladroit’. I’m happy to chat to people on holiday, but I would object to a random man inserting himself into our family holiday, and to my partner spending all his time on our holiday with a random family instead of with me.

This.

My DH is extremely sociable - one of our friends says that 'he'd talk to a broom with a hat on' which sums DH up! We both like meeting new people and have made very good holiday friends who we are still in touch with, but similarly we enjoy being on our own and would hate someone random trying to insert themselves into our holiday. We had it once in Greece when a couple who had literally just arrived started talking to us at the bar at the hotel. When we finished our drinks and said we were going on to dinner they said 'oh, we'll come with you'. We made an excuse and left. We were always very polite when we saw them through the reminder of our holiday but avoided them round the pool etc.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/03/2023 10:20

itwasntmetho · 31/03/2023 09:10

Oh god I went out with a crowd pleasing douche for a decade. It was embarrassing I wish I'd had this insight after a couple of years, I just thought I was a miserable prick.
I'm very happy without him and a normal amount of sociable, people can still warm to you when you're not falling all over yourself to upgrade their drinks.

My ex wasn’t crowd pleasing when with me, but kept on telling me his best mates dad and loads of other people thought he was a very funny man. Strange that his humour didn’t work on my parents when he met them!

FriendsDrinkBook · 31/03/2023 10:24

I'm sorry op. I'd like to say that this is a one off , but he reminds me of exh. When we were first together he was the 'life and soul' type when drinking. It didn't stop after we had children and it was then I realised that I'd been cast as the fun sponge many years before. The reality was that I just didn't want to drink all night , especially with small children to care for , but to him I was boring and he was apparently interesting. He's in his 50s now and hangs out with much younger people getting up to all sorts. Hes an alcoholic and appears very sad to most as he looks like everyone's dad in most group photos on sm.

Pixiedust1234 · 31/03/2023 10:54

I hope hes woken up and apologised to you this morning. I have to agree with other posters though, he is the type who likes to be the centre of attention at all costs which doesn't bode well for any children he has. Dont marry him, he will kill any self esteem you have.

May09Bump · 31/03/2023 10:59

balconygirl · 30/03/2023 18:00

We have had a lovely day
He's been drinking since 10
Gradually got louder and louder
Now he is really drunk and being a dick basically
This morning we were talking about trying for a baby and getting married

I'd say it's a positive then to see his behaviour now, rather than have children with him and then find out.

whynotwhatknot · 31/03/2023 11:10

why do pp keep telling the op to lighten up-he was so drunk he passed out before dinner

theres more to it than hanging about with another family all day

DarlingG · 31/03/2023 11:12

@Avarua2 haha me too! If we meet people out a walk he’ll do the same thing. I would have left it at a polite hello but he’s bringing up new topics of conversation and keeping it going 🙈

Bubbinsmakesthree · 31/03/2023 11:29

This is one of those posts where I can completely imagine it written from the other person’s perspective too (AIBU to think my girlfriend is ruining our holiday by being anti social and sulking?)

It sounds like you have different expectations of the holiday.

The extent of drinking sounds like it’s contributed - we’re you expecting you/he we’re going to make the most of the AI drinks?

Personally I love chatting to new people on holiday and making friends with another couple wouldn’t bother me at all…but being in an AI resort with drinking from breakfast time sounds like my idea of hell. We are all different.

So basically it’s about different people wanting and expecting different things. And usually the answer to that is communication and compromise.