Sat on my own on holiday ....boyfriend made new friends

[balconygirl]

I'm on holiday with my boyfriend of 2 years.
It's meant to be a romantic holiday
Had a brilliant morning
Then he talks to anyone
He started talking to this couple with their kids
All afternoon he has chatted with them
I have sat there -he hasn't said a word
He's organising to meet them tonight and keep spaces around the pool tomorrow

I said I'm going to room to have a shower
He has stated writhed the pool with them

I'm not excited for the few days ahead now
Am I being silly ?
I don't want to spend my holiday with strangers
I'm just not that type of person

You sound incompatible. I would ditch him.

I just think you are socially incompatible. I am on the more on the introverted side of the equation, but can still appreciate that other people like meeting new people and chatting, especially on holiday.
Drinking all day on an all inclusive doesn’t make someone an alcoholic, unless he’s regularly drinking from 10:00am everyday. Neither does having a laugh with kids, even young children, in a public space, make someone paedo. wtf ? I used to work with children and the male workers were regularly called nonces and paedos, by some of the less delightful service users ?
If you’ve basically sat on your own and not even tried to join in with his attempts to engage with new people, then from his perspective you might have ruined ‘his holiday’, because you just have different ideas of what makes a good holiday. I think it’s unfair to paint him as some kind of alcoholic paedophile knob head, just because you have different needs, especially based on a very limited amount of information.

I hate this. Some people don’t feel they've had a good holiday unless they’ve made some friends, but I go on holiday to get away from the pressures of life, and don’t want to invest my time and energy into some random people. Sounds like this is always going to be a problem potentially when you go on holidays, so I would try to make the best of the trip. Wander off and do your own thing, and make it as nice as you can for you, under the circumstances, then just edge him out of your life once you get home.

I was married to one of these. Our first holiday was like this and I should have known then that 30 years later I would be bottom of the list of his priorities.

I feel for you OP.

I went out very briefly with someone like this, should´ve broken it off sooner. I have better boundaries and clearer red lines now.

He wants to go home?

I wonder if his new friends have made it clear they want to have a day without him tomorrow?

This is exactly what I would think.

"What a charming, friendly chap and it's not at all worrying or inappropriate that he is fussing around my nubile teenage daughter/ handsome adolescent son." That's what I would think.

Drinking all day on an all inclusive doesn’t make someone an alcoholic

Most binge drinkers are alcoholics. It’s not just about frequency.

He's came back up to the room really drunk and said I'm ruining the holiday
And doesn't know what my problem is
Says he wants to go home -slavering on
He's been drinking since 10
Gradually got louder and louder
Now he is really drunk and being a dick basically

He might not be alcoholic but he's definitely got an issue with alcohol in that he can't handle the amount he's drinking and it makes him behave like an arsehole.

People who turn into angry bullies when drunk are so awful to be around.

Most binge drinkers are alcoholics. It’s not just about frequency.

Most, but not all.

I personally don’t drink alcohol, so I’m not invested in defending binge drinking.
I just think some of things said about a him on this thread, based on a limited amount of information are unfair.

The time I did this with my ex-boyfriend, I dumped him three weeks after the holiday 🤷‍♀️

Love, hes autistic.
Love, hes OCD.
Love, hes demented.
Love, hes got a learning difficulty.

None of these are ok to armchair diagnose or label people unless you are a doctor and being asked for your professional opinion.

I’d be fuming.
I always find when people do this, it’s because they don’t like each others company. Sounds like he’s really extroverted and wants to have a fun drunken holiday as opposed to a nice romantic holiday like you. This would be a deal breaker for me. Chatting and being friendly is fine and also if you have kids and they play etc, I find that different but he’s taking the piss! My husband and I would say hello and small talk but I want to spend time with him and not randoms!

*Lampshadeandchristmasbaubles · Yesterday 20:54

Love, he’s ADHD*

Is this how we are spelling cunt now?
I didn't get the memo.

Wants everyone to think he's great - but
basically ignores you and hangs round teens

Drinks all day comes in smashed and insults you then passes out

Commits DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim and offender - by accusing you of ruining the holiday.

= Narcissist

At his age his personality is set. Think o f this as a window onto your future if you stay with him.

He's nearly 40! He's the same age as my DH and I'd be cringing with embarrassment if he wanted to hang around with teenagers and booze all day then come and have a go at me before passing out drunk. He sounds insecure as fuck.

I’m surprised the other family doesn’t find his behaviour a bit creepy. I’m not suggesting he’s up to anything dodgy, but it’s sounds almost overwhelming. Who want a stranger glomming onto you on your holidays? We, anywhere.

I think it’s unfair to paint him as some kind of alcoholic paedophile knob head, just because you have different needs, especially based on a very limited amount of information.

Alleluia

Dump his ass.

Just when you think the armchair diagnosis of strangers with major personality disorders has more or less stopped, back it always comes. He’s a Narc, OP!

It’s amazing isn’t it. Why bother undertaking years of study, or even paying a professional for a diagnosis when the talented folk of mumsnet can tell you what the problem is based on a few paragraphs.

I think you're just mismatched to be honest, neither of you right or wrong, just not compatible.

I had a partner like this once, he would attach to anyone on our holidays, anyone that would listen to him (I had heard it all over and over) and I remember one time he persuaded me to swim in the sea in the dark like others were doing, swimming out to a raft - I told him I was terrified but he assured me that he would be with me all the way. During the day time we had met a couple of women and he had obv wanted to chat to them all day etc, and they joined us for the swim.

As we went out the women had swam off bravely, all laughing and joking, I was petrified, he stayed with me for a bit but then he just swam off after the women as they were competing to get to the raft. I was in the niddle of sea, in the dark, too scared to carry on to the raft and too scared to go back to shore.
Eventually just kept swimming back to shore an sat there just in shock as he an the women were shouting at me to come on its not that bad, laughing at me basically.

I was in my 20s then, first partner, so niave, so lost, and I really wish I can tell you I ended it there an then. I went on to have similar relationships, always accomodating, swallowing my own pain and trying to be cool about everything. I feel so sad for my former self.

These mismatches on holiday are big big signs. In my mind holidays are times for couples who are similar to reconnect with each other as life is busy. Yes social chats are normal but this need to attach to others is weird to me and not something I would like. Dont waste time on partners who are not like you in these ways, just causes pain.

I'm sociable and chatty - very much so.
But when I'm on holiday with my family that's two weeks of the year were we can focus on just us and it's very valuable. So family holidays are strictly nuclear family only for us.

I've a relative though who needs a crowd. She'll always go on holiday with an entourage or if she's just as a couple she'll latch on to whoever she can for the duration. She's very charming and witty so the attention she gets, she feeds off. But she's also an utter nightmare to go on a holiday with. It's all her way or you'll be on her bad side and that side of her is vicious.

This might be a blip, but if there's any signs that this is a normal thing for him, I'd walk away very quickly.

The main issue here is his behaviour during/after drinking. Giving him a chance to redeem himself means that the op will be on alert in any social situations and will not be enjoying herself as a result. Of course he must also apologise properly also.