PTA members bitched about my child.. M

[Mommymoments]

To start with when the dc joined the school I went to a couple of the meetings but as a new mum to the area & no other new parents attending the established clique excluded me.
As the years have gone by it turns out I have "those children" the ones who win the awards, get the leads in plays, solo pieces on their instruments & two of my daughters have been Mary.
The schools spring concert is this weekend & my three all have big roles.. I heard back from my sil who was on a pta night out that there was three disgruntled parents who said DH & I do nothing for the school & can't understand why our dc get such preferential treatment..
To clarify we contribute all our fees, also bake lots for the cake sale.

That is unfair. I suspect you're one if the type of people OP is talking about with that comment.

Also, you're going to have to admit you quite like being someone whose situation makes others envious... This earlier comment is also unfair.

OP keep your head down and ignore. Your family have probably worked bloody hard at their music etc and this is pure jealousy. Some people are more gifted than others; fact of life they need to suck up.

I’d also say in a medium sized primary half the parents don’t know exactly who is the committee and our roles and definitely don’t know who our children actually are. We generate about 6-7k of fundraising but it’s definitely not for glory. It’s hard work with very little thanks (apart from the head and some staff who really do value it especially with funding cuts)

I understand you're perspectives op, it's a mix at times with people, that said congratulations for raising very good children

I say good on the school for not choosing parts / winners etc based on how the parents act.

Rewarding for the right reason.

Suuuuuuch good advice.

Different story but some of the PTA mums (well, one, and she had a posse of admirers) looked down on me because I was a single parent. I had been to a private school, had music lessons, been teased for my posh accent on occasion so I was a bit at first, wait, what, they look down on me!?? another woman in similar shoes had had the same treatment from Uber queen bee. We were both experiencing it as a first! Rubbed the private school corners off us. Maybe it was good for us! We had to see the funny side.

Ignore it OP. If you were heavily involved in the PTA there would probably be someone who was saying that is the only reason why your DCs were getting opportunities. Other parents at my DC's dance school used to say that my DC only got big roles because I was the teacher's friend and helped out a lot. Actually I wasn't oneof the Mums that the teacher would socialise with and I only helped out because my DC was there such a lot and I'd rather be doing something useful rather than sitting in the waiting room bitching about other parents twiddling my thumbs. But so what? These weren't people whose friendship I particularly wanted and my DC was happy so I just ignored them and got on with doing my own thing. There will always be someone who doesn't like you for some reason, just let it go over your head.

They were not bitching about your kids in this particular conversation, they were bitching about you and your DH. As it seems your family gets more than average from the school but put back less than average. I don’t know your full circumstances but in some schools there is indeed this focus on community spirit and participation. So if you are not involved it doesn’t look good. Also they’ve raised a valid point OP about who’s got leading roles, they were wrong to blame it on you of course, it’s the question for teachers , but unfairness sucks. I would ignore it, if there were no complaints from your kids. You were not counting on being best friends with these mums anyway as it seemed.

Fuck me middle class first world problems.
Look in a few years your kids will have left school and be forgotten about by them. I know that sounds harsh but these people should mean nothing to you. Don't give it head space

It's obvious they're jealous. And mean minded. That's on them, not you.

They have joined the PTA to win kudos for their DCs and to suck up to the teachers and you have waltzed in with your talented kids and taken the glory.

There's nothing you can do other then to ignore. Such is the price of success.

Exactly 👏👏👏

I lost it at 'two of my daughters have been Mary.'

I don’t like when the same children get the main roles and it seems your DCs regularly get the main roles which would be unfair to all of the other children.

I also don’t like when parents volunteer as school just to get their kids more preferable roles.

It is not yours or your DCs fault if they keep getting chosen for the main roles and so there’s nothing you can really do about it apart from ignore them.

Obviously parental involvement should translate into favouritism for children.

But... its a school play. Not a west end production. Theres an argument that it is unfair that the "best performer" always gets the best part. These people arebt your freinds, and theyre upset that yet again the same dc gets the lead role (and theyll feel tgeir dc is just as good as yours,,, because theyre parebrs and therefore biased). Theyre pathetic for not discussing it with school, but the reality is that if teachers had unlimited time theyd probably prefer to give your dc a more difficult song but have someone else get a straightforward lead role.

My daughter has been Mary and my son has been Joseph.

I have a sad little life so I count it as a personal high point.

(I’m not being sarky, it’s pretty much all I’ve got 🤣)

Well of course parents are angry. It used to piss me off in a major way when it was the same kids up all the time. People will talk Op its the way the world is. Even If it were mine in the lime light and getting the star parts I myself would be going up to the school and saying "give the other kids a chance to shine.

Are these threads related?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4774498-to-think-the-school-shouldnt-be-ignoring-this

Admit Dh and I chortled when Dd was Mary and a mean girl who had been mean to her all year was cast as her donkey. We get the picture out every Christmas actually- Christmas karma 😀

So... in other words, the teachers shouldn't pick children based on ability, but should choose the ones whose parents are on the PTA?

I can see that going down like a lead balloon with all the other parents.

Well it's the fact that they have stated on numerous occasions that the dc get chosen yet DH or I do "nothing for the school"... This leads me personally to believe that they expect gratitude in the form of favours for their children.

This is why I actively avoid anything PTA related!

Thank you op, yes they do music & junior orchestra outside school. They each play a different instrument. All three do musical theatre so in fairness they are used to the stage. Costs us a bloody fortune & our weekends are gone but they love it!

Thanks so much. That's an interesting take re the dance school... It's funny how you always hear back isn't it!

Frankly the teachers sound awful.

Why give the children from one family so many prominent roles? Unfair and inevitable people will be perturbed.

Very odd.

No matter how great, gifted or talented one child is, parts should be spread around a bit.

I see on here lots of support for parents when they moan about the same children always being picked for things or winning things whilst other children never get anything. I thought the MN ethos is that everyone should have a turn at being chosen to do things?

One day you will be quite embarrassed by how over invested you are in primary school achievements. Perhaps they will too.

Meanwhile I'd think on about your sil. She can't be giving off vibes of 'don't bitch about my sil' can she