PTA members bitched about my child.. M

[Mommymoments]

To start with when the dc joined the school I went to a couple of the meetings but as a new mum to the area & no other new parents attending the established clique excluded me.
As the years have gone by it turns out I have "those children" the ones who win the awards, get the leads in plays, solo pieces on their instruments & two of my daughters have been Mary.
The schools spring concert is this weekend & my three all have big roles.. I heard back from my sil who was on a pta night out that there was three disgruntled parents who said DH & I do nothing for the school & can't understand why our dc get such preferential treatment..
To clarify we contribute all our fees, also bake lots for the cake sale.

Your husband is right. These people are tossers. Who gaf what they are saying. Any prick that goes on this way about children at school is an utter loser to be pitied and ignored.

In my experience there are always kids in the class who seem to be 'that kid' - picked for the Nativity/win the Easter Bonnet competition/win the talent competition/ book day costume and are generally favoured by the teacher whether they deserve it or not. Teachers have always had favourites. Of course parents find it annoying.

I mean.. that is just embarrassingly petty behaviour from them.

(Your SIL is not a shit stirrer and shouldn’t be blamed here..)

Somebody ring the stealth blast klaxon!

I wouldn’t find people slagging off my kids a non issue. Especially when the only thing they’ve done is be likeable and talented.

Im rolling my eyes too at the constant humble bragging by you. If this post is anything to go by I think I’d be irritated too- it sounds like you take any opportunity to boast. Sorry I might be wrong but that’s the impression I’m getting so likely it’s not going to be just me

Well put @ScentOfAMemory.

Your SiL @Mommymoments is probably of the same thinking. You need to rise above it. When my children were in Reception-Y2 I wouldn’t have touched the PTA with a barge pole, much less cared what they think. However PTAs change and when my children were a little older a much more sensible group started running it. I couldn’t help noticing that they were parents with less time on their hands and a more professional approach. Not all PTAs are the same thankfully.

If they are the types to use their PTA gatherings to gossip and whinge then you can bet they’re doing it about lots of children and parents for various crimes; children being too clever, not clever enough, children winning all the prizes, children who never get a sniff of a prize, parents working full time, parents not doing enough, parents too involved, parents too poor, parents too flash etc etc etc. Leave them to it.

In my experience the superstars in prep or primary aren’t necessarily the same ones later on and no one ever got sacked as, for example, a partner at KPMG because the fact they only ever played a sheep in the nativity is uncovered. No of it matters.

I expect these parents will eventually emerge from the prep school bubble and have to start worrying not about why little Tarquinius had the glory snatched from him by the OP’s children when the glory was rightfully his on account of the Victoria Sandwich they baked, to having to worry about why Tarquinius has dropped out of 6th Form and started dealing.

ignore it.

How exactly have I boasted? My kids are being bitched about & are thought undeserving of school accolades. I have described (not in indepth detail) their achievements. But as neither dh or I are on the PTA they are deemed undeserving by those who think their dc are entitled to prizes & parts as payment for their pta work.

Honestly so what? Their noses are out of joint and who cares? Their comment about you doing nothing for the school reveals their conviction that they feel entitled to special treatment because of theirs. What a
smarmy way to think.
So yes fuck them to hell. Give your kids an extra big clap at their performances. Proud mum. X

At the weekend I think I'm going to be that mum with the constant big thumbs up & loud clapping 😁 probably not as the dc would disown me!

As the years have gone by it turns out I have "those children" the ones who win the awards, get the leads in plays, solo pieces on their instruments & two of my daughters have been Mary.
The schools spring concert is this weekend & my three all have big roles.

Look, you're doing pretty well on balance. Better than well. Do you expect to have all this and then have everyone thrilled for you? Never gonna happen. So what if they wish their DC were like yours and that they do everything in their power to achieve that by helping out on the PTA? I mean, they're still doing good for the school. Course that shouldn't translate into their DC winning accolades, and it hasn't, so you've nothing to worry about on that score. Ideally though the school would give everyone a fair amount of exposure, regardless of PTA contribution and also sharing the parts around more not just focusing on your family. Then you wouldn't get the inevitable eye-rolling.

And? How does it effect you and yours? One of those things you had no need to know about.

I'd tell your SiL that unless it has an impact, what others think of you is none of your business so you don't want to know.

It really sounds like you all need to get a life. Clearly got too much time on your hands, and yes 10/10 for the humble brag.

Bragging is not an attractive thing to do, OP.

It was also said to my dd in school a while back from a pta parents child. To be fair this did not translate to bullying my child or anything along those lines.. It was basically my mum thinks I'm a much better singer than you & you still got the lead. Your parents do nothing for our school.

Be proud of your children and ignore the haters.

Not sure how you could've told this without mentioning their achievements, so ignore the accusations of bragging.

One word .. jealously ..

Leave them to it ! Sound a miserable bunch

I guess it depends on the extent to which it is true, but either way ignore it - it's not as if you gave them the solos etc
But for what it's worth, some schools, especially small ones do noticeably give all the opportunities to the favoured few kids and it's really effing annoying.

Surely it's you they are bitching about, not your children. Saying you do nothing.

One of my children was like this. She was picked for everything going. She wasn't Mary though as when they told her she was Mary and she said she wanted to be Santa...so they wrote a part for her.

I took absolutely no notice of any of it as I'm a teacher myself and I know it's the easy way out to pick a child for a job that they will just be able to do.

Anyway, just like everyone says, she was not so successful in high school. She's not ahead of the pack any more.

it’s a really good one @ScentOfAMemory - spot on!

This is the sort of thing you come up against at school where they give the same children the leading roles in everything and the other children don't stand a chance

Exactly what I was going to say. I was on the PTA committee for donkey's years, Chair for 2, and my kids never got special treatment in anything.

And that's not why I was a PTA member either.

Some people will be jealous and say nasty things. That is just the way it is and there is nothing you can do about it, so don’t worry about it.

those who think their dc are entitled to prizes & parts as payment for their pta work

private schools are full of arses who think paying a lot of money for education entitles their children to go to the top of various piles regardless of the reality of their poor children’s talents. Even more so if they’ve spent their plentiful spare time waving a clipboard about acting out their head girl fantasy or paid for a cricket net or something. It’s all bollocks.

That said, some of these prep schools are not very imaginative when dishing out the lead roles and prizes. They shouldn’t create a false “everyone’s a winner” mentality but schools would be all the better for a broad approach to recognising the abilities and talents of all children and not just wheeling out the same few every time. I’ve had one child who never had a sniff of a prize ever and one who used to always get picked, I was very uncomfortable with both positions, and neither position is great for the child.

@Mommymoments it sounds like you have reliable children. The teachers know they will perform and do exactly as expected so they get awarded the parts. They may or may not be the best for it but they are given it because they know they’ll do the work, show up and behave appropriately.

I really wouldn’t worry about it. Ignore the bitchy comments. Just enjoy their moment to shine.

Although your comments about people being on PTA for favouritism to their children is unfair. That’s not my experience at all. In fact my children are often neglected because of my PTA duties. Fairs, sports days and plays often not fully participated in because I’m helping out. They don’t get special treatment.