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Original poster

PTA members bitched about my child.. M

158 replies

Mommymoments · 30/03/2023 16:10

To start with when the dc joined the school I went to a couple of the meetings but as a new mum to the area & no other new parents attending the established clique excluded me.
As the years have gone by it turns out I have "those children" the ones who win the awards, get the leads in plays, solo pieces on their instruments & two of my daughters have been Mary.
The schools spring concert is this weekend & my three all have big roles.. I heard back from my sil who was on a pta night out that there was three disgruntled parents who said DH & I do nothing for the school & can't understand why our dc get such preferential treatment..
To clarify we contribute all our fees, also bake lots for the cake sale.

OP posts:
Nightlystroll · 31/03/2023 02:02

Mummy and daddy will probably get them jobs they can't do, when they're older, so other people have to carry them.

🙄 That seems quite a leap.

SinnerBoy · 31/03/2023 03:10

I don't think so, if they're petty enough to think that being on the PTA should give them the influence to get their children roles in the school play.

Nightlystroll · 31/03/2023 03:16

SinnerBoy · 31/03/2023 03:10

I don't think so, if they're petty enough to think that being on the PTA should give them the influence to get their children roles in the school play.

Why would you say that the children would grow up to be useless individuals just because their parents moaned about them not getting to play Mary in the nativity? It sounds like you're being nasty about the children for the sins of the parents.

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SD1978 · 31/03/2023 03:26

So this over cliquey unable to engage with PTA has a family member in it and you still couldn't get along with them? And I doubt any teacher is impressed or cares about your after school activities. Whilst possibly they weren't welcoming- who knows. Your SIL has managed to get on with them. Maybe it's your own attitude that was the issue as you do sound a tad passive aggressively smug.

CJsGoldfish · 31/03/2023 04:00

Mommymoments · 30/03/2023 23:59

It was a piano solo which meant my own child was on stage on her own obviously! Explain where I said other children were on stage??? No other children in sight.. Rude pta man was seated 2 rows in front

Show quote history

Explain where I said you said other children were on stage? 🙄

Still think it's weird to be filming anyone other than your child 🤷‍♀️

WandaWonder · 31/03/2023 04:03

I am wondering who the parents are and the school kids in all this

No offence meant to actual school kids

itsgettingweird · 31/03/2023 04:28

My kids are being bitched about & are thought undeserving of school accolades. I have described (not in indepth detail) their achievements. But as neither dh or I are on the PTA they are deemed undeserving by those who think their dc are entitled to prizes & parts as payment for their pta work.

Yes - but that's their problem and not yours.

You have to teach your kids resilience and that some people won't support their achievements and that shouldn't stand in their way.

Feel sorry for the kids of parents who think their children should achieve because if what they do. Those children will become adults at some point and have to cope with the fallout if that.

SinnerBoy · 31/03/2023 06:05

Nightlystroll · Today 03:16

You've got a good point, but over the years, I have worked with several useless, lazy sods, who were unsackable, because of their connections.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 06:13

CJsGoldfish · 31/03/2023 04:00

Explain where I said you said other children were on stage? 🙄

Still think it's weird to be filming anyone other than your child 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

DH was filming his own child!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 06:17

CJsGoldfish · 30/03/2023 23:45

One of my dd's had a piano solo at Christmas & my DH has a video of one of the parents turning around to another pta parent & rolling his eyes about my child
Really?
Why was you dh filming anyone other than your child? That's just weird.

The PTA parent was sitting 2 rows ahead of us. DH was filming my child walking on stage to perform her piece, her name & piece were announced & the PTA dad turns around to another pta parent & rolls his eyes. Prior to that incident DH had been filming my dd & the backs of heads in the audience. No one else 🙄 @CJsGoldfish

OP posts:
Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 06:21

SD1978 · 31/03/2023 03:26

So this over cliquey unable to engage with PTA has a family member in it and you still couldn't get along with them? And I doubt any teacher is impressed or cares about your after school activities. Whilst possibly they weren't welcoming- who knows. Your SIL has managed to get on with them. Maybe it's your own attitude that was the issue as you do sound a tad passive aggressively smug.

SIL grew up in the area & has known many of the PTA parents from childhood. I'm a blow in. DHs ( & mine) nephews weren't in the school when ours started.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 06:24

SD1978 · 31/03/2023 03:26

So this over cliquey unable to engage with PTA has a family member in it and you still couldn't get along with them? And I doubt any teacher is impressed or cares about your after school activities. Whilst possibly they weren't welcoming- who knows. Your SIL has managed to get on with them. Maybe it's your own attitude that was the issue as you do sound a tad passive aggressively smug.

You're right @SD1978 I doubt the teachers give two shites. The teachers have their reasons for choosing mine & that's none of my business or any of the PTA parents.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 31/03/2023 07:40

It is frustrating when the same children get picked everything in front of the parents. In year 5 or 6 my dd (who was a sheep in the nativity and always had minor roles etc) came home excited that she’d been chosen to read a poem out in front of the parents… except the next day the teacher had been overridden by the other class teacher from their class, who insisted a child, who previously got lead roles and so forth read their poem out. It really upset me tbh. I didn’t say anything. In hindsight, I should have politely insisted as this would have been good for my child.

This is several years ago. My dd is in GCSE years now. I never said anything to others about it as I realise the children, who got picked for things did extra curricular musical theatre etc. It just would have been nice for her to have been acknowledged. Once. Every child should be allowed to shine just once in the 7 years of primary school.

MsWhitworth · 31/03/2023 08:12

Don’t get dragged into all this petty nonsense, otherwise you’re just as bad as them.

ancientgran · 31/03/2023 09:44

itsgettingweird · 31/03/2023 04:28

My kids are being bitched about & are thought undeserving of school accolades. I have described (not in indepth detail) their achievements. But as neither dh or I are on the PTA they are deemed undeserving by those who think their dc are entitled to prizes & parts as payment for their pta work.

Yes - but that's their problem and not yours.

You have to teach your kids resilience and that some people won't support their achievements and that shouldn't stand in their way.

Feel sorry for the kids of parents who think their children should achieve because if what they do. Those children will become adults at some point and have to cope with the fallout if that.

I think it is damaging for all the children, some children don't get a chance and others get the impression they are something really special and let's face it most of them will find they aren't when they go to a big comp, others will find out when they get a job or go to uni.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 09:52

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/03/2023 07:40

It is frustrating when the same children get picked everything in front of the parents. In year 5 or 6 my dd (who was a sheep in the nativity and always had minor roles etc) came home excited that she’d been chosen to read a poem out in front of the parents… except the next day the teacher had been overridden by the other class teacher from their class, who insisted a child, who previously got lead roles and so forth read their poem out. It really upset me tbh. I didn’t say anything. In hindsight, I should have politely insisted as this would have been good for my child.

This is several years ago. My dd is in GCSE years now. I never said anything to others about it as I realise the children, who got picked for things did extra curricular musical theatre etc. It just would have been nice for her to have been acknowledged. Once. Every child should be allowed to shine just once in the 7 years of primary school.

That's really hard especially as your dd was initially chosen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 09:55

ancientgran · 31/03/2023 09:44

I think it is damaging for all the children, some children don't get a chance and others get the impression they are something really special and let's face it most of them will find they aren't when they go to a big comp, others will find out when they get a job or go to uni.

Show quote history

All children need to believe their special but to be honest maybe the PTA crew need to invest in music lessons & musical theatre if they want a chance of a big role or solo... One can't be picked for a piano solo or duet if one doesn't attend piano after school or at least join the school band..

OP posts:
ancientgran · 31/03/2023 10:13

Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 09:55

All children need to believe their special but to be honest maybe the PTA crew need to invest in music lessons & musical theatre if they want a chance of a big role or solo... One can't be picked for a piano solo or duet if one doesn't attend piano after school or at least join the school band..

Show quote history

Playing a musical instrument is different but why would children need to attend musical theatre classes to be Mary in a school play? Or to read a poem? They learn to read at school so they can manage those things. School isn't just about celebrating the "stars" it is for all the children so seeing a child with say dyslexia standing up and reading a poem should be a positive thing, the fact that your musical theatre trained child will do it "better" is irrelevant.

As I said earlier it is lazy for teachers to just use those children, they should be working with all the children and giving them all their moment.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 10:18

@ancientgran I agree with you. It's not DH's or my fault. It's not our kids fault but the PTA seem to be singling us out. However do you think the fact that they feel entitled to special treatment due to their pta work is right?

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 31/03/2023 10:22

It actually makes a change that the kids who deserve the roles are getting them rather than the kids of the "power mums". I do however agree that perhaps SIL is also a bit jealous too.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 10:27

The PTA is made up of Alpha type mums & dad's. They do wonderful work. The concerts are fundraisers & tickets also sold locally to anyone from outside the school who would like to see the show. It's always well supported locally. The PTA do a huge amount of the organisation. I think they feel they deserve more than a pat the back for the trouble they go to..

OP posts:
ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 31/03/2023 10:59

When it comes to fundraising events we will always donate a decent prize, bake plenty on cake sale day, pay any dues their collecting basically support whatever is going on without actually organising...

Stop trying so hard to please the PTA.

You need to let this go. You know you're in the right so just quietly get on with things.

They're annoyed because they wish their DC were in the limelight. You donating a 'decent prize' might come across as flaunting wealth. These events do not require every parent to 'always' donate a prize. There'd be more than they could deal with! You don't need to bake 'plenty' for every cake sale as if every parent took lots with them it would be far too much.

I think you're trying too hard.

I've started DD's school life with a healthy 'at arms' length' approach to the PTA and events because I know there is a tendency for them to be like this.

Just quietly get on with things. Demonstrate a useful 'water off a duck's back' to your kids about the silly stuff.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 31/03/2023 11:12

@ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse I'm not doing to to please them, I'm doing our bit to support the school. Gifts aren't ott usually a bottle of red & white wine in a gift bag. I'm happy to support as the dc are very happy in school & are getting a very good education. Water off a ducks back is great & the dc are tough anyways. The stage school parents & junior orchestra parents make the PTA parents look like friendly kittens!

OP posts:
Mystery2345 · 31/03/2023 11:31

If it's the same children chosen again and again for the main roles / solo pieces I can understand how ill feeling can occur. However this is the fault of those selecting them and not giving others a chance, not the children or their parents! All you can do is ignore.

MrsAvocet · 31/03/2023 11:53

The issue of the same children getting selected for everything isn't really thie issue here though is it? (And do we really know it's everything? The OP's children are obviously performers but do they make the sports teams, maths competitions etc? There is presumably more to school life. )
But anyway, assuming the OP's SIL is relaying the conversation correctly, these parents are not complaining that the OP's children aren't good enough or that the teachers are not trying hard enough to be inclusive, they are complaining that it is not fair because the OP doesn't do enough for the school in their opinion. ie they are promulgating the ridiculous concept that the way children are treated in school should be dependent on their parent's behaviour. Which, in my opinion anyway, is wrong on many levels.
There is nothing the OP can do about it and she should try to let it go, but it's still poor behaviour on the part of this group of parents. If they are concerned about lack of inclusivity or about teacher bias - possibly a valid concern - then they need to take that up through the proper channels. But it sounds like that it is more about them not liking opportunities going to the children of someone not in their clique.