I know that I’m going to get the flaming of a lifetime for this but I’m not sure what to do.
ExH and I have known each other our whole lives. We got married very young, had a daughter, made mistakes and broke up.
Six years later, our DD is 8 - me and exH have matured, we’re still close and we co-parent really well. I’m currently single, ex has a girlfriend and an 18mo son.
Recently lost a v close relative. The funeral in relatives hometown is quite a distance and very rural. It was just going to be me and DD, but ex offered to come with us so that he could support DD (this is her first bereavement), support me (only child) and because we’ve known each other our whole lives, he also wanted to go to the funeral as he was close to the family member.
He drove us here and we’re staying in a cottage with DD. I know that his gf wasn’t thrilled about him coming with us and she’s been ringing him constantly. We’re very close for exes I suppose, and this has been difficult for her. Part of the reason I feel so crap is because this is, I imagine, exactly what she was worried would happen.
Last night, we’d had dinner and put DD to bed. We were chilling out after a busy day and just chatting, listening to music etc. There was no alcohol involved.
Eventually, the conversation got a bit sentimental and ex said that he’d missed getting to spend the day ‘as a family’. We’d seen relatives, spoken to the church, took DD to the park, done a supermarket shop and then made dinner etc - nothing special but it did feel nice. I responded that it had been nice. He asked me if I thought we’d have made it work had we been a bit older, and instead of doing the sensible thing and nipping it in the bud, I said yes.
When I was ready to go to bed, I said goodnight - went to kiss on the cheek and he kissed me on the lips. We ended up having sex, twice.
This morning, we’ve not really spoken about it because of course things are busy and DD is around but he did whisper in my ear as we were making breakfast that he had no regrets. We are entirely platonic and normal around DD, we’d never want to confuse her.
I feel really awful. I feel very guilty because of his girlfriend and her son. I also feel guilty because actually, it was wonderful. So familiar and right in a way that it’s never been with anybody since. He said he always has and always will love me.
I’m aware that I’m very emotional with the funeral so not using my best judgement but I just don’t know how to approach the next few days - we’re here until weekend and I’m not sure what to do.
Do I ask him to leave? Even though he wants to be at the funeral and DD would be gutted? What should we do if we want to give it another go?