How to bag a rich husband?

[Sugarfish]

I’m not really looking for a rich husband, I’m in a very happy long term relationship with my average earning partner, but I’ve seen a lot of threads here where women are married to dh’s who earn over 6 figures. And I’m just being nosey about how you met. Currently have covid and bored but also genuinely interested. Especially if you’re from different “classes” as I’m from a working class family and in my circles, no one earns close to that so I would not know where to look even if I did want to “marry well” as my mother would call it!

If you come from a high earning family, did you always have an expectation that you’d have a certain lifestyle so specifically chose someone with a high earning job? Or are you also a high earner and met through work / uni. If you’re a low earner compared to your husband, do you ever feel like he thinks he’s more important in the relationship because of this, and how did you meet him?

Also to switch it round for fairness, if you’re the higher earner, how did you meet and does your dh ever feel threatened? Do people ever comment on it?

Have any of you ever faced and snobbery / reverse snobbery due to your choice of Partner?

DH is the high earner now but wasn't when we met. We met at university so I suppose both are reasonably intelligent. But I'd chosen a vocational course (teaching) and he'd chosen a course with high wage prospects (IT).

After graduating we both got jobs and were earning very similar amounts but DH working for corporate technology companies started to out-earn me, working as a teacher pretty quickly. The difference in our wages really hit after we got married and had children as I went part time. He continued to move jobs in order to climb the career ladder and has done very well. I've been happy being part time and having more time with DDs but it's definitely impacted my salary. It's been a fair trade off for us as we're married, so money is joint money and I wouldn't trade higher wages for less time with DDs. Part time has been the right balance for me but as DDs get older I'm looking to increase my hours at work.

Ran into him at a reunion. Used to know him when we were teens. Back then I just liked him, nothing more while he was in love with me but to shy to try anything. Saw each other at the reunion after 16ish years and didn't stop talking. Didn't even know if he even had a job until we had been dating for a few weeks, the topic just didn't come up till then.

"DH is white British, Oxbridge, old money, works in the City. He’s on £140ish"

I don't consider that rich. For London it's just average.

We’re both working class. Our dads were bin men on the same crew in the 70s. We met at university (both of us the first to finish secondary school in our families), supported one another through various postgrad qualifications. I stayed in the field in which we both qualified, and earn a comfortable, though not extravagant, living, but he switched to a very highly-paid industry and now earns a lot.

I’m in the bracket you refer to , although my husband is a High earner in his own right, but i out earn him significantly now. We met early twenties, he out earned me at that point. Now we are early to mid 50s.

it’s irrelevant to us, we put money into the joint account for all expenses, that leaves us with rhe exact same disposable income in our own personal accounts to do with as we please, save spend, whatever.

he’s not remotely threatened. It helps with a comfortable lifestyle. If anything he’s quite proud. It’s just really not a thing.

No one should be looking to marry someone for their earning potential. If you want money they find a way to earn it yourself

I know it’s not the topic of the thread, but I love hearing stories where people find each other after the years have gone by!

This made me laugh! 🤣🤣🤣

DD met her fiancé when she was au pairing. Started doing a hobby and they met through friends. Family are seriously minted. He will be following in the family business. (Helps that he is also a lovely bloke too)

@Sugarfish As I mentioned, my DM is a Hyacinth Bucket and wanted me to do "well enough" but I seem to have gone too far and she can't stand it. I was supposed to marry a local solicitor and get a nice little job, not shack up with a flash American banker and work a lot. Not sure if it's insecurity, or jealousy, or a bit of both. Never had reverse snobbery or snobbery from anyone else.

DH and I are both reasonably down to earth though - our biggest splurges are travel, experiences and living in an expensive place rather than "stuff" although, I am partial to the odd Net-a-Porter order and a nice piece of mid-century furniture...

Go to Canary Wharf and shag anything that moves?

I work in Canary Wharf, I move, and I’m not all that happy to be shagged by randoms to be honest 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it’s rich, either. We’re in our early 30’s and that’s what people we know (around our age) earn. But, OP said six figures, so I responded. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Met in London in our early 20s. Both good earners but his career went off on a trajectory neither of us could have predicted,after we got married. It was all just a happy accident really, though he does work hard.

I met my husband about 14 years ago when I was very much under the cosh with a coercive controlling ex husband. I left him after numerous affair attempts (and one successful one) and suddenly realised he'd talked me out of any chance of managing to get my own career off the ground.

4 years later I was independent, earning incredibly well and flourishing in my career and very happy as a newly divorced 36 year old with no kids.

Husband is definitely middle class but works in a vocational role which is not high earning but he does great work that matters, was a divorcee with two kids who he supported above his own material needs and I fell in love with him. I'd say my background was bordering middle class but from a very broken family with not the greatest professional history.

I bumped into my husband on a very opportune night out as a very much single woman and we hit it off. My earnings outweigh his by 3:1. Now we live a very happy life together and have been married for a few years. On the whole most of his friends joke with him about how to become a "kept man" and I rather enjoy the banter!

😂😂😂

Met at university. In fact, most of my uni friends married each other and are high earners. (Although weren't back then).

All the wives very similar, more focused on careers or kids and not interested in looking like the women on the Apprentice.

💪

@KellyStade

Despite the 4 story town house and your investor prowess, the main thing I am impressed by is that you met at a 🔥 breathing course. Top.

@Amispringy
Remember what they say, be careful what you wish for.

I know of a few women who literally made it their career choice to find a rich husband (often encouraged by their mum).
Instead of thinking about their actual job they would go to areas where men are well off and not be picky about which man it was.

No one I know has a nice rich husband.
They are cheaters or narcissistic.
Maybe that’s because they ignore the red flags because they only care about the money

I’ve turned down men with high incomes for this reason as I always worry they’re going to be abusive which I know is silly as men on low incomes can also be abusive.

OLD, he was in debt, but assertive, direct, kind, very intelligent. Being around him feels very safe. Gave me a feeling of stability (bad childhood). He’s a good man, I’m very lucky. The financial security is a nice extra but I would have been happy if he had never earned more than he did when we met.

DH had next to no money when I met him, I had family money but that was about it, we have both built our careers and DH is now the breadwinner, and I earn even less than I did when I met him due to a career change!

I met DH as my friend was dating his brother. We were both working in call centres with little money. His family were better off than mine but not rich. He retrained when I was pregnant with DC1 and has worked his way up the ladder. I was a SAHM for a while as he worked away a lot in the beginning. When DC2 started school I went back part time which has been really flexible. DH has just this year earned over 6 figures. Definitely not rich yet but he is still working his way up and has good prospects. None of my family/friends know what he earns. We are still paying off past debts so we don't feel well off at all! He doesn't think he is anymore important than me. We are a team and each play our part.

We met at uni. We were the only ones in the 24 hr computer suite as neither of us had a laptop at home. I was from overseas and he was the first in his family to go to uni. We were driven beyond belief. Worked part time in a call centre, then the library. 20 years later we are both in the 6 figures bracket

They’re in the top 1% of the country. Only about half a million people (out of circa 60 million people) earn that much. It can’t be ‘average in London’. That simply makes no sense.