How to bag a rich husband?

[Sugarfish]

I’m not really looking for a rich husband, I’m in a very happy long term relationship with my average earning partner, but I’ve seen a lot of threads here where women are married to dh’s who earn over 6 figures. And I’m just being nosey about how you met. Currently have covid and bored but also genuinely interested. Especially if you’re from different “classes” as I’m from a working class family and in my circles, no one earns close to that so I would not know where to look even if I did want to “marry well” as my mother would call it!

If you come from a high earning family, did you always have an expectation that you’d have a certain lifestyle so specifically chose someone with a high earning job? Or are you also a high earner and met through work / uni. If you’re a low earner compared to your husband, do you ever feel like he thinks he’s more important in the relationship because of this, and how did you meet him?

Also to switch it round for fairness, if you’re the higher earner, how did you meet and does your dh ever feel threatened? Do people ever comment on it?

Have any of you ever faced and snobbery / reverse snobbery due to your choice of Partner?

It depends on what you mean by rich? DH and I both met at a start-up. We are both well educated and ambitious. But he was also kind and generous. I took 10 years out to raise kids and now we earn the same again at around £175k per year base. The relationship before DH was with a gorgeous, spontaneous fun chap but I knew I would never marry him. He was still very into festivals and was a bit of a Peter Pan. I loved him lots but I knew he wasn't the father of my kids. I did very purposefully choose a decent, financially stable man. We aren't super wealthy but enough to not worry about money. My mum was a poor single mother and I wanted no part of that life again!

I went to work abroad and met DH in an expat social scene where we all had the sort of jobs that might send you abroad. We had actually been to the same university, but 5 years apart.

We both have good 6 figure salaries. Interestingly, neither of us had parents who went to university or were big earners and none of our siblings are high earners.

I shouldn't have clicked but finding this thread very depressing as a single parent. Wish I had support or another income to further my career as well as run the family home financially and emotionally! Being married sounds great (if it's a happy relationship, obvs)

@mswales chin up. I'm a single parent too I'm not sad about it though. I would like to meet someone eventually.

A lot of high earners meet each other at work. I'd say the best way to meet someone like that is getting a job in some form of professional services. Finance, Legal, Tech, Consulting.

Books holiday to Italy ✅

Does bagging a rich wife count?!

We met at a (straight) friend’s wedding. DW is super posh, and conventionally high flying. I’m a bright, lower middle class girl from the countryside. I was there as my mum knew the mother of the bride through village events and I became friends with the groom helping with his exam revision, which drew me into a ‘posh’, rural social set. We had several mutual friends, but had never met before. She was a trainee lawyer enjoying the single London life, I was just back from a spell volunteering abroad, about to return to my provincial, public sector role, having extricated myself from a horrible relationship. Neither of us was looking for anything serious. We fell head over heels and a marriage, two kids and one stellar legal career ( I’ve done okay too but there’s no denying she brings in the cash) later, we’ve never looked back. For a gawky, chubby gay girl from the sticks, life’s turned out okay.

Several friends said they knew we’d end up together if we ever met!

We met at work - he was an external advisor to the MD who came to one of our teams leaving drinks. I hadn't realised he was quite so well paid - he earned 6 times my salary - he'd never really met anyone like me before - I was quite rebellious and impulsive, a bit of a ladette - yes it was that long ago. He was very low-key not my usual type but we fell for each other in a big way. We now run our own advisory business. We have very different skill sets and even though his earning potential has always been huge - he's not the type to devalue someone based on what they earn, most of the people we know are wealthy because of where we live, except for my best friend who keeps telling me how lucky I am to have married a rich man - I think I'm lucky because I married my best friend who is one of the kindest, most generous people I know - he'd do anything to make me happy.

The ‘hunting for a rich husband’ phenomenon definitely exists, because I have seen it out in the wild.

One was an upper middle class woman who was already married to a man who had a ‘name’ but not so much money but who was now shamelessly trying to upgrade. We had seen her flirting outrageously with several men over the course of a weekend (including her husband) and heard her speaking openly to female friends about it…

The other was a group of dressed-up women on the Tube who were talking loudly about getting off at stops like ‘Holl-born’ where they thought there might be well-paid men working. 😁

But choosing a mate is a huge decision for a young single woman and, in the early stages of a relationship, I don’t think there is anything wrong with thinking about the likely life-trajectory of someone you are seeing. Or choosing to be in an environment where there are likely to be dynamic, ambitious men, because you are dynamic and ambitious too.

If a young man is lacking in energy, likes loafing around, has a chip on his shoulder and doesn’t seem to be set on any particular path (it doesn’t matter if it is hedge-funding or hedge-trimming), then that is a sure-fire sign that you will end up carrying him through life. The signs are generally there, nobody should be surprised if someone lives up to them.

NB. I also encountered this phenomenon in reverse on day one of a graduate recruitment scheme. A young man latched onto me, sat next to me in every session and stated draping his arm on the back of my chair. At lunch he persuaded me to eat solo in a small park with him rather than with the rest of the group (I was a bit naive!) and told me a little bit about himself: public school, Cambridge and he had just moved to London. I told him a little bit about myself too, including my university background and that I was living with a boyfriend in west London. As we walked back to the office he politely thanked me for my company and by the time I had popped to the loo and rejoined the group, he was sitting next to another girl with his arm draped along the back of her chair! He went on to date her for a little while (barely spoke to me again!), then dumped her in favour of the prettiest female trainee. On reflection, he was clearly looking for a girlfriend/wife of a particular ‘type’ and saw joining the graduate scheme (where everyone is new/in transition) as a good opportunity to lock down that side of his life. He wasn’t particularly handsome, but very focused, confident and driven.

This is so adorable! Lovely story. 💗

@NeverApologiseNeverExplain I'm not British so maybe that's why I don't sound like a typical person who went there...

The thread shows there is no one set way! There is the exclusive sex clubs suggestion of one, the being at the work place of others eg both in the same hospotal working as doctors is probably fairly classic (near our house is a doctor couple, we know another both doctors couple). Picking someone on a dating website based on income or educational level that might determine income. Earning a lot yourself on the basis of my point "like wants like".

University is another way. I met my children's father in effect that way and plenty of others do - as you are at a life stage where lots of people mix. Even though mmy sons' friends are still just mid 20s plenty are in couples where they met their partner at university. It does not always last and lead to marriage but it does for some.

I would also suggest going to places where there are loads of men and not as many women as some men do find it hard to meet women as there are not many at work nor in their hobbies so that might increase your odds.

not sure what counts as ‘rich’? Big difference between a millionaire and someone who earns 100k. I would say my DH is ‘doing well’ rather than rich.he earns circa 120k, we can’t afford a sports car, but we don’t have to worry about bills, heating or eating etc. Anyway, I met him at work when he was an average earner, he got a promotion, changed companies for another promotion, we moved abroad for more money and better job role, came back had no job for a while (bad timing due to covid) burned through our saving and ended up on UC. Then he set up his own business which is going really well. I also work full time.
from the general look of us, we don’t look rich. The house needs doing up and we have one 2nd hand car on the drive. I guess what people don’t see is that we don’t have any debt and the mortgage is nearly cleared.
i certainly don’t feel rich, I guess because I know that things can go pear shaped pretty quickly.

Mine earns six figures and is also emotionally devoid, distant, self-centered, cold. And I am now trapped. It's not all as it appears /cracked up to be.

What I didn’t mention in my first post, but I think is relevant is that chasing after the next pay rise and promotion nearly cost us our marriage. He was so desperate to succeed he put everything else on the back burner. Things came to ahead, and he switched his focus. Which actually had a surprising outcome as by setting up his own business he’s actually earning about the same as he was before but with less stress and less hours. I also work, not because we need the money to pay the bills but it takes the pressure off him and gives me greater financial independence and security. Never rely on anyone else to pay the bills is a good mantra to live by.

I think what 'feels like rich' is a completely different thing to the statistics of where your earning are on a scale.

DH and I are both WC background (so don't have huge expectations of lifestyle), and live in the North of England. We both have friends from a range of social backgrounds, due to our hobbies, so we don't inhabit the MC professional bubble that a lot of our colleagues do. We definitely 'feel rich' on our combined household gross income of 170k.

I can see that if you live in the Southeast with a huge mortgage, expectations of private school for the kids, expectations of a ski and a sun holiday each year, surrounded by people who earn the same or more, then even a significantly larger income would feel very ordinary.

I'm a high earner.
We met in a gay bar 😂 (neither of us are gay).

My best friend met her husband in a gay bar. Funnily enough we’d only gone there to get away from drunk sleazy men coming onto us. Her husband is lovely though and not at all sleazy

We met at school though we would have been in the same circles initially anyway as both WC backgrounds. A bit boring - the Italian prince story is much more exciting!

My DSis met her DH at gay pride. Their close friends were a couple but they had never met before. Apparently they didn't leave the pub after they met and so missed the march!

To add.
She is a very higher earner and quite a well known name in her field. People who know are always surprised that she is my sister (we look nothing alike)
He is a reasonable earner in a professional field but also very practical- built the extension on their home in his spare time which added £500k to the value.

My fiancé is a high earner. We met on bumble several years ago when we were on the same salary! He very quickly got promoted.

I'm from a working class background and him middle class, however it has never been any issues!

yea there was a back office girl who went after 2 married bald overweight middle aged ‘senior’ men .. she was bragging that she had two ‘head of’ blah blah after her. It was gross

Why are you trapped?

(She is probably trapped because it can be a huge decision to leave wealth for not much money even if in theory you may be entitled to a lot in divorce)