How to bag a rich husband?

[Sugarfish]

I’m not really looking for a rich husband, I’m in a very happy long term relationship with my average earning partner, but I’ve seen a lot of threads here where women are married to dh’s who earn over 6 figures. And I’m just being nosey about how you met. Currently have covid and bored but also genuinely interested. Especially if you’re from different “classes” as I’m from a working class family and in my circles, no one earns close to that so I would not know where to look even if I did want to “marry well” as my mother would call it!

If you come from a high earning family, did you always have an expectation that you’d have a certain lifestyle so specifically chose someone with a high earning job? Or are you also a high earner and met through work / uni. If you’re a low earner compared to your husband, do you ever feel like he thinks he’s more important in the relationship because of this, and how did you meet him?

Also to switch it round for fairness, if you’re the higher earner, how did you meet and does your dh ever feel threatened? Do people ever comment on it?

Have any of you ever faced and snobbery / reverse snobbery due to your choice of Partner?

@Amispringy you and me both!

Chloroform. Your welcome

Although I didn’t meet DH at university it was through friends of university friends- I met his best man before I met him.
I work in dv and a lot of relationship boundary and goal setting happens very very early on. So although I didn’t set out to bag a rich man, I also accepted/ compromised on some things that others wouldn’t- eg a basically weekend only relationship throughout our dating and much of married life etc.
This is interesting from the OP:
“If you’re a low earner compared to your husband, do you ever feel like he thinks he’s more important in the relationship because of this.”
Not more important but different. Very sadly I’m dealing with a death on my side of the family- DH has been physically absent but his job and earnings mean I have a wonderful job I enjoy but I can also take leave from- even if it was unpaid it wouldn’t matter. I can stay in hotels, jump in taxis and book last minute flights and it doesn’t matter. That’s his personality though, he trusts me and doesn’t begrudge me anything- the balance comes from me not exploiting it and acknowledging it. When I was with family at the chapel of rest he was encouraging me to book nice accommodation, eat well etc.
I have 3dc b&g and all three of them anticipate a more even relationship though.

University where he didn't show much promise of hard work but blossomed in final year and has out earned me since. Obviously it's not the reason we stay together but it is nice not having financial worries. I also earn well though so not reliant on his salary

Hang around Canary Wharf or the city on a Thursday night 😂

I think if you went out actively looking for a rich husband it would emanate from you like a bad stench and be very off-putting!

I met dh on a night out and it was simply lust at first sight. We’re both from very similar WC backgrounds, have the same sense of humour and shared values. I didn’t realise he was wealthy until a few months in when he told me more about his business and also started to spend money on me! He paid for us to go to the Caribbean in a 5 star all inclusive hotel for my birthday when we’d only been together for 6 months. I think he’d held back at first for fear of seeming flash. It wasn’t really until we’d been together for a few years and I fell pregnant that I realised just how well off he was - when he started looking at £1million+ houses for us to live in!

We’ve been together for 20 years now (4dcs)

He is very generous and works really, really hard.

Met partner when we were at Uni. Neither earned spectacularly the decade after we left uni, but did alright. Then he got lucky and found a career route that suited his way of thinking/working and excelled to a high paying role.

so….. just luck really. He’s not from a wealthy family.

all the people I know from wealthy upper middle class families have married others similar to them, meeting at uni or well into adulthood via online dating.

Most people will meet them through uni or work & in real life both partners will come from a similar background.

My DH just retired from a 185k per year job. When we got together nearly 30 years ago he had absolutely nothing, he moved into my flat and all his worldly possessions fitted into two bags. He was looking for a job at the time. I paid for our house deposit and most of our wedding.
So my answer is the best way to get a rich DH is accidentally.

what are you classing as rich though? it's quite subjective surely

Pure luck. Online on the crappiest online website there is. He’d been burned in his last long term relationship where they had similar careers and money was an obsession. I think he just wanted someone different and I had no interest at all in his money or future money - still don’t.

Both of us middle class professionals, MC families but no money growing up, though education was very much prioritised. Well established in our careers when we met. He out earned me by a lot, though I was earning almost 6 figures myself when I left to be a SAHM

What did he tell her?

I went to a posh university. I had boyfriends who earn ££££ now. But I didn’t want the life they went for - straight to a graduate intake in finance or law conversion, on the property ladder early to climb the ladder. Ultimately aiming to “move out of the city” where the man inevitably commutes in daily but the woman has to stay home “because it’s just not worth it” for her to work too and so he has support to focus hard on his career and continue up to partner level.
My male uni friends in that position are nice enough people, they did work hard, but mainly they were focussed from uni on a very specific view of what success looks like and they married women who agreed entirely with them.

Certainly the partners at my brothers work who earn 2m a year come from a very narrow pool & their spouses are from that pool.

@museumum I would agree, my dad had the big job & I just didn't want that life. Granted he gave me choice in that I had financial support.

When OLD turn it on in high income areas. Only match with people whose jobs have good earning potential.

If going out, be receptive to advances in places where wealthy people might hang out, e.g nice pubs in lovely areas.

But the best way is social circle, I met my millionaire exDH because a friend took me to a party he was at. If you’re in London and can afford it, become a member of a private members club and meet people in those.

My meeting of exDH was entirely accidentally and my now DP is nowhere near as rich so I clearly didn’t apply myself to it properly, but most friends who have married very well applied themselves wholly to this task and were pretty strategic.

But, if you don’t earn well yourself you do need to look the part, talk the part (ie confident and knowledgeable about current affairs) and be interesting and funny to make up for your lack of income. Beautiful obviously helps but you definitely don’t need to be model material unless you’re aiming for an actual billionaire.

However word of warning, there is always a catch. If you are unbalanced economically then the richer man will expect more power in the relationship, depending how rich they are this might include you turning a blind eye to affairs eventually. Or even simple things like they choose where you go on holiday and live, rather than it being an equal partnership where you get to call plenty of the shots. Or if family money then you might find that putting up with the family isn’t worth your newfound wealth.

And if none of the above applies then there is might be something wrong in other ways, like they have a micro penis or a weird sex thing that they insist you do.

Just saying that there always seems to be a catch with rich men lol! (See the latest White Lotus as an example)

My theory is that it’s better to go for a “really good income level rich” rather than a “don’t need to work really rich” as you’re more likely to be in an equal happy partnership and comfortable enough for a good life, without super excess.

But each to their own!

Okay so currently the advice is:

Meet someone poor but seems like they work hard and hope for the best

Go to Uni at Oxford and meet someone posh

Online dating but pretend you live
somewhere fancy and look there

Join a fancy gym

Hang around Canary Wharf

Don't look desperate

I don’t want to do the first one in case he never gets rich, I’m too old for the second. I don’t fancy online dating. Gym I can do but I look sweaty and disgusting when I’m there so that won’t work. I don’t live near Canary Wharf. I definitely give off desperate vibes tbh.

Any other tips?

Met at medical school. Both WC backgrounds, so bonded partly over our shared outlook and cultural norms, in a place very much populated by MC people.

DH is now a fairly senior NHS Consultant with several clinical excellence awards, and earns low 6 figures. I earn as much as him pro rata, as a clinical academic, but have worked part-time since DS was born.

I would only date men I found funny and considerate and kind etc but they also had to have prospects. No prospects, no date.

Neither of us had a bean when we met, no family money (although my dad’s business started doing well when I was in my 20’s, so my parents are well off now), we lived very frugally for a long time.
We would’ve struggled to study medicine now with tuition fees and the cost of living.

So nice to hear of all these relationships where you work as a team. Unfortunately I’ve seen so many threads on here where it’s not the case, especially if the woman gives up her job to be a stay at home parent.

I suppose with online dating it’s easier to move in different social circles

Meeting and Italian Prince sounds like an actual fairytale! I did meet someone on a night out who claimed to be German Royalty but I think he was lying!

When you are in your twenties/thirties go and hang round social events where there are male lawyers. For the most part they are fairly socially challenged (either one end of the ego spectrum or the other - ultra shy/ no empathy a bit weird or raging egotists), fairly ugly and a bit desperate. As time goes by they start making a packet. This suddently makes them attractive and they start having affairs with any young woman who will take the bait but you'll have a v wealthy husband if you get in early enough.

Most people marry people from similar backgrounds. I'm quite lazy however, recently I wanted to prove to my husband I can earn as much as him - he earns over £100k. I've been working in a particular field for 20 years but never took the professional exams because I couldn't be bothered. I took the exams - applied for just 1 job - got it - earning £5k less than my husband - £70k more than my old job. So, even if salaries aren't the same - people tend to chose people from the same background that have that ability. My brother is a doctor - I would want him to marry someone of a similar calibre. My grandparents were immigrants and factory workers of the same faith and race. My parents are of the same faith, race and economical background. My husband and I are of different faiths and races but the same economical background. I think subconsciously you gravitate to what and whom is similar. In days gone by that would be race / religion. These days it's economical, academic and wealth potential similarities. This is just an observation of the people I am related to and work with and live nearby so of course that is a biased and contrived sample group, as said above people gravitate to others of the same similarities.

Met at university, brief fling, friends for years then got together. He earns (low) 6 figures, I don’t quite. We are both MC backgrounds but just your run of the mill MMC.