Should I reply to CF ‘friend’? Feeling worthless

[Lucyintheskywithcubiczirconia]

I’m a friendly, enthusiastic, helpful kind of person. Always done volunteer work, care for elderly family and neighbours etc. I’ve very recently had a devastating realisation that ‘friends’ now only ever contact me to ask me to volunteer for their latest money making ventures. I have low self esteem and this latest occurrence really upset me, I feel worthless and don’t know whether or not to reply to this friend’s message.
She organises events and asked me to help with a big one a few weeks ago. I drove over there nice and early, worked so hard all evening (was sweaty and achey afterwards) while she schmoozed and mingled. The event was a great success, she made lots of money and I was happy for her. However she did not pay me a penny, nor even send a thank you message or box of chocolates or any token of appreciation..This baffles me! Anyway, this was a few weeks ago and I feel pretty used, hurt and insignificant. She knows I’m financially in a very tight spot at the moment. She has just messaged me asking if I can help with another event next week and I don’t even want to respond. Please could you wise mumsnetters help me come up with a gracious reply that doesn’t provoke a disagreement as my self esteem is on the floor and I don’t have the strength or confidence to argue with a cf. Thank you very much in advance!

Cheeky self centred cow. Leave her to it and don’t help again.

Ooof, superbly acidic! If you want to give her a good burn before you bin her OP, this should do the trick!

Hi please let us know your response and if friend replied

Or “No, I can't afford to help this time."

You can still be a nice, kind person and have boundaries.
No, is, indeed a complete sentence.

Typical response back from someone like that. As PP said the 👍 will suffice as the reply 🤣🤣
Good for you, hopefully you feel better. I'm sure others will have the same opinion of her too. X

Well done.
probably best to block and move on with this type of person. I’ve found doing this with abusive greedy cheeky fuckers is very positive as somehow other nicer people appear.

Read the thread yourself.

Wow

What a piece of work! Well done OP

I agree with this. Becoming nasty or sneaky or otherwise negative diminishes you I think, and brings you closer to the sort of person who uses others as a free resource. 🌹

"As I'm still waiting for payment for the last one, I'm not available to take on any more, sorry".
Note that if she does pay, that still doesn't oblige you to do any more.

Nicely done op!

No is a complete sentence OP. My dh and I helped quite a lot at events for one of his relative's pub with no payment. She was friendly to us until she didn't have the pub any more then conveniently forgot we existed for several years (including completely failing to even respond to her invite to our wedding) She then all of a sudden one day acted interested in us and our now dd. No idea why really but we humoured it until I overheard her bitching about me a couple of times to my dh on the phone and basically shit stirring and making out he wasn't happy in our marriage .... and the funniest thing is that the silly cow is so far up her own arse she genuinely doesn't seem to realise why we've stopped talking to her 🤣

No good dead goes unpunished. The way you can respect yourself is to blank this user and have a glass of wine and a takeaway on the night she wants you to work your arse off. X

To her latest response: ‘

’Aw, not worry! Not everyone can cope very well, even with the average ups and downs of daily life. How about meeting up for coffee and a catch up as I haven’t heard from you since last time you asked for my help - I could give you a pep talk on how to manage better ☺️ Tuesday next week at Starbucks 10am? Brill! See you next Tuesday xx’

Oh, and then don’t turn up, obvs. And when she asks where you were start with ‘I can only apologise…’

This. Since it is clear that she isn't a friend, and you could do with the money, why not get her to pay you for the work already done?

Well done for standing up for yourself! Don’t back down! She’s not a true friend!

When any kind of apology is followed by 'but', it is totally, utterly negated...
You know that was not an apology and you need to find better friends. Good luck @Lucyintheskywithcubiczirconia

You could/should reply that you are not available. You’ve got something else on. None of her business as to what it is. She is manipulating you because you’ve led her to believe you have nothing else going on in your life. So decide what you’re going to do or make something up.

Just reply "you're welcome, good luck for the next one"

In any apology the word but cancels out everything said before it.

I would be tempted to reply yeh, but, no, but. Though I would be more likely to just leave it. If you used to meet for coffee ask her if not then you haven’t lost anything.

Don't work for her again and hopefully she won’t ask.

I’ve done a bit of volunteering but realised pretty early on that people are being paid quite handsomely off the back of your labour! It’s all a bit of a joke really but if it makes you feel better then I suppose it’s worth it. However, if it makes you feel a bit shit you need to pull those reins right back. Choose who you give your favours to wisely.

Hi
As I've not heard from you since last time and had no pay or appreciation for my time I was wondering if you had a problem.

I'd be happy to assist however id like to be clear on my expectations

• travel costs and time to be paid: 1hr each way plus fuel £50
• hourly rate £25
• hours to be agreed in advance
• payment in advance

if youre not prepared to do this then i will not be assisting, i know its affordable with the money you make on these events.

OneSugar1 · Today 20:14

Oh, and then don’t turn up, obvs. And when she asks where you were start with ‘I can only apologise…’

Or even: "Yes, great! I'd love to help again! Where, when? I want to be there nice and early!" Then turn the phone on silent and have nice lie in, or whatever.

Well done OP! What a user! But you have now, thankfully, established that. If she had any substance or an ounce of class or decency her 'I can only apologise' would have been followed up with a request for your bank details. It sounds like you want to make friends and it is good to try and expand your social circle but real friends don't behave in such a way. And don't take it personally. It is not indicative of any deficits in your personality or anything, she is an out and out CF. Congrats for taking a stand and weeding out a bad one.