Would you go to a friend's birthday even if you HATED the activity?

[YourPastryNeedsLard]

Just that really!

A friend has chosen a particular activity for her forthcoming birthday. It's something I absolutely hate. My idea of hell on earth. I can't communicate how much it fills me with dread.

Would you still go? I indicated I couldn't make the date and she started talking of changing to a different date. So I need to tackle the issue head on...

to some people the idea of humiliating themselves or being pressured to carry out simulated sex acts is something they're terrified of. How is that hard to comprehend?

I would never ever go to an event like that, my social anxiety would not be able to handle it, not even with all the alcohol in the world. If my friends thought I was rude for not going then that's their problem. When you organise a party you should consider something that everyone will enjoy, or else not be offended if some people decline.

I went to one of these bingo parties years ago and there was definitely no simulated sex! That does sound awful! If that is the case and the idea of going is terrifying to the OP them I can completely understand OP not going. If it is just a case of it being something the OP wouldn't particularly enjoy then I thi k she should make the effort.

Why can’t friends just be real with each other and say - no offence but I’m really not up for it, don’t change plans on my account, I’ll celebrate with you on a different day/night?

Because some people are so over sensitive they think that's breathtakingly rude!

Yes just be honest and say it’s not my thing and I wouldn’t enjoy it. Perhaps go out for a drink or meal with her on another day?

Hell would freezer over before I would go to anything like that.

How about something like: "I hope you have a really lovely time, but it just isn't my cup of tea so I'll have to bow out, sorry".

@YourPastryNeedsLard I’ve been to it, didn’t have to do any dare, they do not check your scores!

The friend clearly wants you there as she's thinking about changing the date because you told her you won't be free on the original date, so I'd be upfront with her and would look for a compromise together.

I really like HareintheBluebells take on it:

I'd suggest that I come along and hold the coats/take photos or whatever

To me it sounds like a perfect solution, you can take pictures and videos, then maybe even make a video collage about it later, but you don't have to do the activity you hate. I get being there for your friend's birthday, but neither you nor your friend would be happy if you have to force yourself to do stuff you hate.

Nope and no.

And “I’ll come and take pictures/hold coats” approach doesn’t work because guaranteed someone or a few will not take no for an answer and will insist on you joining in when there.
So then you have those fuckers to deal with.

A straight NO, not for me thanks is the only answer.

The end.

I wish somebody would invite me to rave bingo sounds like good fun 😂

We all have something that is too far out of our comfort zone for us. If this is beyond yours I would tell your friend that, and try and come up with an alternative way to celebrate with her.

I had this with a friend recently for a big birthday.
i thought about it for ages and then just said no thanks I didn’t fancy it.

if she was a friend who was more accommodating then I’d have done it but she’s very “I don’t want to do it so I won’t” when she’s asked about doing things. She’s very mumsnet, no is a full sentence! So if she won’t why should I. Bit if karma

I’m all up for trying new things - went indoor climbing for one friend’s birthday and to a spa hotel for another (drew the line at the sauna because this is Germany and you have to get your kit off).

I also don’t mind if a friend doesn’t want to join an activity we plan. I had a friend decline a karaoke night and we had a drink another time, which was fine. I also have friends who don’t like crowds so it’s unlikely they’ll join us with a large group.

The Rave Bingo activity wouldn’t be up my street either, and I’d have to say so. There’s nothing about it that I would enjoy.

Bongos!?

absolutely not! Ive seen clips on Tiktok and its my idea of hell.

Nope, be honest. 'I hope you have a great time but it's really not my thing maybe we can do something else together at another time.'

It's not mean to be honest and it's absolutely fine to feel ok about saying no thank you.

I just googled it. It looks like something you would either love or hate. I can say I have gone and done things and paid a fortune when I really didn’t want to. Now I’m older, unless it’s a very good friend and a mile stone birthday I would just say I’m busy. If you are pushed into going maybe sprain your ankle the day before. You can sit back and watch.

Never heard of Rave Bingo, but from the descriptions you gave, I would also being it a miss. I would also tell your friend why, politely. "I'm really sorry, but I've had a look online, and it's really not my thing. I would be very uncomfortable the whole time, and I don't want to ruin your evening by being a party pooper." Then offer to join for a meal or drink afterwards.

If it was something where you could opt out of the worst bits, then I would go and make an effort. But this sounds like it's going to be very hen-do-mentality, where you have to keep politely declining awful stuff over and over, and everyone will try to "convince you to have fun".

Definitely don’t go, sounds like it will be so raucous/noisy she won’t notice if you’re not there.
make an excuse or just say it’s not your thing but could meet them after or do something else with her

No way. There's no refraining from that either. I hate raves because loud noises and the strobing lights make me feel sick and trigger headaches. I'd offer to take her out for lunch before she goes to the rave.

I've been to Bongos Bingo before and it was 1 of the best nights out I've had in years! Full of 18-30s though (including me), what about meeting up with your friends afterwards if it isn't to far away from where you live, we went to a 4pm start and we're back in the pub in our hometown for around 9.

You could also just be completely honest with your friend about how you feel about going and offer to take her out for a birthday lunch instead.

DH had to do Bongo Bingo at a corporate event. He said it was mortifyingly awful and absolutely NOT suitable for a work event - even though he later learned that they got the 'dialled down' mild version!

You have my sympathy, OP - I would hate it with a fiery passion too.

I wouldn't go to this. Sounds hideous.

I'd take my friend out for lunch to celebrate her birthday another day.

Suck it up, it's just a personal dislike not a phobia. No one is going to accept you weaselling your way out. She's your mate so tell her you'll go and make sure she enjoys herself. In fact take paracetamol first. Have a few shots to take the edge off the evening and you never know you might just unclench enough to have a little fun.

‘Suck it up’? ‘Weaselling’?

You sound you’re a good and understanding friend, truly.

Sounds genuinely fucking awful. And I’ll try anything. I mean, Bingo is shit at the best of times, without adding all the ‘audience participation’, strobe lights and sex toys bollocks.

No

I went to my sister’s hen party even though I couldn’t even do the activity due to my disability. I told her this but the selfish cow just insisted. She also booked something I loathe for my hen do (an escape room) 🥱 🥱 We don’t speak anymore but not due to those things!