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Original poster

Would you go to a friend's birthday even if you HATED the activity?

192 replies

YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 09:09

Just that really!

A friend has chosen a particular activity for her forthcoming birthday. It's something I absolutely hate. My idea of hell on earth. I can't communicate how much it fills me with dread.

Would you still go? I indicated I couldn't make the date and she started talking of changing to a different date. So I need to tackle the issue head on...

OP posts:
ChocSaltyBalls · 13/03/2023 10:06

cheatingcrackers · 13/03/2023 09:28

I’m quite surprised by how many people are saying they would say no… no matter how much I hated an activity, I’d always go along if that was my good friend’s choice. You might surprise yourself and enjoy it.

I wouldn’t go to Rave Bingo as it sounds horrific, made worse by the fact that it would be likely full of very drunk people which, if you (like me) don’t drink alcohol, is not a lot of fun.

Ditto anything involving physical activity like go ape, zip wires or similar. I am fat and would just be humiliated when I was too fat to go on these things plus I don’t like them anyway.

now I’m older I am much more comfortable in asserting my boundaries and just saying “no” to spending my time doing things that make me unhappy.

LolaSmiles · 13/03/2023 10:07

It's definitely in the "I would hate it and feel horribly uncomfortable" category.

Prizes are sex toys. If you get the lowest score on your table you have to do a dare, chosen by the host, if a buzzer goes off, you must conga. Etc.

I'm with you OP on this sort of thing. It's only an enjoyable evening if that's the sort of thing you enjoy. It sounds like it's a a good laugh for people who enjoy that sort of drinks, light-hearted fun and aren't uncomfortable with the idea of the dares, communal fun, and some silly sex jokes.

If it was bingo with some rave music, I'd probably think it wasn't my cup of tea but would go because it's my friend.

I wouldn't want to go to an event like this because I would feel very uncomfortable and then feel more uncomfortable and awkward opting out of the parts I didn't like.

Minikievs · 13/03/2023 10:08

Is it Bongo Bingo????
I'd love to go! I do think from the looks of it though that I'd have to be absolutely SHITFACED to enjoy it fully

Original poster
YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 10:08

The replies are about 50/50. Which is where my mind is too!

I'm leaning towards making an excuse. It's just not something I want to experience first hand. I feel I've done this kind of thing in the hen party years. Hated it then and I don't think I want to relive it all now we are all getting to age 50.

OP posts:
Thatwastheweekthatwasnt · 13/03/2023 10:11

Just be honest with her. If she's a friend she'll appreciate your candour.

Why do people feel they need an excuse to back out of something?

ingerlinger · 13/03/2023 10:11

No I wouldn't
Last year my friend for her birthday did a overnight ghost Hunt in a abandoned building
Freezing cold /no sleep and you had to pay £30 for the pleasure
I took her for a afternoon tea /spa day before Christmas instead

DrMarciaFieldstone · 13/03/2023 10:12

I wouldn’t want to go to rave bingo either… I’d probably make an excuse.

Chias · 13/03/2023 10:13

YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 09:54

It's definitely in the "I would hate it and feel horribly uncomfortable" category.

Prizes are sex toys. If you get the lowest score on your table you have to do a dare, chosen by the host, if a buzzer goes off, you must conga. Etc.

I'm no introvert. Have no sensory issues. It's just absolutely something I'd hate.

I would definitely avoid this. It sounds like hell, especially the dares.

Dumpruntime · 13/03/2023 10:13

Yes, for a friend I’d do that. Something like bungee jumping no, but this is just not your cup of tea.

Rapapampam · 13/03/2023 10:13

What’s a rave bingo? 😕

GlasgowGal82 · 13/03/2023 10:15

YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 09:54

It's definitely in the "I would hate it and feel horribly uncomfortable" category.

Prizes are sex toys. If you get the lowest score on your table you have to do a dare, chosen by the host, if a buzzer goes off, you must conga. Etc.

I'm no introvert. Have no sensory issues. It's just absolutely something I'd hate.

They have this near me too and I would absolutely hate to go. My good friends would all feel the same tbh so I don't think I'll be in this position, and I did decline to go on a night out there with school mums last Christmas. I know someone who was invited to a work night out there and signed up because she felt like she had to. She was dreading it and then the day before her kid tested positive for covid and so she sent her apologies to the WhatsApp group and it opened the floodgates and most other people pulled out and in the end only two people went! In your situation it would depend on how good a friend the person is. If she's a good friend then I'd suck it up, go and get drunk to make it less intolerable. If she's just an acquaintance tell her it's not your kind of thing and don't go.

GlasgowGal82 · 13/03/2023 10:17

For those still wondering what this is google 'what is bingo loco'.

Bingo is one thing, but compulsory fun that involves riding a giant dildo on a table is not my cup of tea.

toastfiend · 13/03/2023 10:22

If it was something that actively frightened me and that carried a degree of personal risk, like caving/potholing/bungee jumping, then no. I'd be very apologetic, but I absolutely wouldn't go.

Something that wasn't to my taste but wouldn't actively negatively affect me then I'd go and throw myself into it as much as I could because it's a couple of hours of my life to make a friend happy.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 13/03/2023 10:27

YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 10:08

The replies are about 50/50. Which is where my mind is too!

I'm leaning towards making an excuse. It's just not something I want to experience first hand. I feel I've done this kind of thing in the hen party years. Hated it then and I don't think I want to relive it all now we are all getting to age 50.

Don't make an excuse! Be honest that it's not your thing. If you can't be honest with this friend, why are you friends?

Objectionhearsayspeculation · 13/03/2023 10:33

Sorry but no way on earth I would do this for anyone. If it makes you uncomfortable it makes you uncomfortable and there's literally zero point in putting yourself through it because it's for "a friend". Life is too short and I would never want someone to grit their teeth and put up with something for my sake

WeWereInParis · 13/03/2023 10:33

Depends. That does sound like my idea of hell as well, but how close a friend is she, is it a big birthday, how many people have been invited?

If it's a less close friend for a random birthday and there are 20 other people going, I'd turn it down.

My best friend's 30th, with a smaller group (so more of a difference if one person doesn't go), I'd probably go.

CatJumperTwat · 13/03/2023 10:37

If it was an activity where I could sit on the sidelines, cheer people on, and chat to people not currently playing then yep, I'd go. What you're describing? No way.

IhearyouClemFandango · 13/03/2023 10:44

I wouldn't, no siree. I'd meet for drinks after or whatever.

AffIt · 13/03/2023 10:48

Augend23 · 13/03/2023 09:12

Nope, I'd be honest and say "thanks so much for the invite but I'm afraid it's really not my cup of tea. I'd love to brunch/lunch/go for a drink sometime to celebrate your birthday instead though!"

Yes to this - a friend recently organised an outing to one of those 'Magic Mike'-type shows, which is my idea of hell.

I said something very similar (although I didn't mention it being my idea of hell, as I thought that would have been a bit rude), no offence was taken and I took my friend out for lunch and drinks a couple of weeks later.

TenoringBehind · 13/03/2023 10:50

No. I’d just say it was lovely to be invited but it wasn’t my cup of tea.

Soontobemumof2x · 13/03/2023 10:51

If it’s Bongos bingo, I heard they’re so fun! I would go for an hour or two and make an effort!

mumontheskoolrun · 13/03/2023 10:51

I'd go, try something new for once, you might even surprise yourself and have a good time.

If you don't like it, put it down to experience. You don't have to go again.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 13/03/2023 10:53

Prizes are sex toys. If you get the lowest score on your table you have to do a dare, chosen by the host, if a buzzer goes off, you must conga. Etc.

I'd definitely say no to this. But my friends know that I'd hate it and wouldn't expect me to go tbh.

ApocalypseNowt · 13/03/2023 10:55

For a good friend I'd put my preferences aside and go along with a smile on my face.

Jamieleecurtain · 13/03/2023 11:02

just a simple’oh no don’t change that date, if I’m honest it’s not really my thing anyway. I’d love to take you out for dinner another day though.. are you free on X? ‘ will be fine.

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