Would you go to a friend's birthday even if you HATED the activity?

[YourPastryNeedsLard]

Just that really!

A friend has chosen a particular activity for her forthcoming birthday. It's something I absolutely hate. My idea of hell on earth. I can't communicate how much it fills me with dread.

Would you still go? I indicated I couldn't make the date and she started talking of changing to a different date. So I need to tackle the issue head on...

Like they're the only two options🙄🙄

Rave bingo? I’d go and just drink lots to be honest. The music would probably sound ok after a few drinks. 😬 Music, alcohol and friends, I think it could be fun.

I’ve definitely done some out of my comfort zone stuff for friends. I did draw the line at skydiving but as long as it wasn’t something like that, where I was scared to the point I really couldn’t even attempt to have a good time, then I’d go.

If it’s really not your thing though, then you’re fine to say no.

Ok. I don’t think I’d have guessed that in a million years.

You should go. It's your friend's birthday and its only an evening. But its an evening to celebrate her. You don't have to get up and rave with everyone. You might even have fun!

There is a difference between refusing to go to something that you have tried before and disliked, and refusing to try something new because you don't like the sound of it, especially if it's new to the whole group.

That said, if you told me you weren't willing to try it, I'd rather you told me and dropped out than came along and ruined the atmosphere.

It's definitely in the "I would hate it and feel horribly uncomfortable" category.

Prizes are sex toys. If you get the lowest score on your table you have to do a dare, chosen by the host, if a buzzer goes off, you must conga. Etc.

I'm no introvert. Have no sensory issues. It's just absolutely something I'd hate.

You've been before and hated it then?

My best friend had an activity for her birthday which I absolutely hated, but I didn’t want didn’t want to let her down. I thought it would be a nice night out with the girls and I could just sit aside from the activity and not really engage. But somehow that night it really got to me, I had a sort of panick-attack and afterwards I couldn’t stop crying. And my friend felt so sorry she dragged me into this. And I felt so sorry for ruining her birthday.
So i will never ever do it again.

@NeverApologiseNeverExplain
No, but it's easy to Google and there are videos online.

A close friend would know it wasn’t your thing and you would only go under sufferance to please her so it must be something she really wants to do. But also a good friend wouldn’t want you to do something on those terms so perhaps she won’t mind if you don’t go and do something different with her another day

@cheatingcrackers

as you get older you're more confident to say 'sorry, not my thing'. & also develop things that your body can't cope with.

I've done more than my fair share of raves, loud party music & dancing etc.

I now have BPPV & that environment would make me really really unwell, possibly for weeks.

my friends would understand this.

Enjoy your carefree ability/attitude while you can because it may not last & for me it changed virtually overnight after being knocked over getting BPPV & various body parts replaced.

It sounds like you and this friend have fundamentally different ideas of what is fun. I guess that can happen when people have friendships based on a particular environment or activity but don't spend general time together.

You're probably best to drop out but be honest about why. Adult birthdays are a bit of a drag anyway.

I would go to this but I totally get why you wouldn't want to. Just say you really don't want to. She shouldn't be upset with you and may even change the activity if she needs you there that badly. You're doing nothing wrong in saying you don't want to go.

There is absolutely nothing worse than being somewhere like that when you don't want to be there.

Haha! Years and years but honestly it never fails to surprise me how unrepresentative this place is of (my) real life - probably why I find it so interesting!

@NeverApologiseNeverExplain what a weird comment. There are loads of things I've never tried but I know are not for me, because I know my personality and my likes and dislikes and what makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not hard to imagine what rave bingo would be like given the description!

@YourPastryNeedsLard I would just explain that it would make you feel uncomfortable and you don't want to put a downer on her night so can you do something else with her another time?

It's a "rave bingo" event described as being raucous...
It wouldn't be fir me although some if my friends love it.
I would decline saying gave fun, I'll catch you soon and we'll fo lunch ( or whatever). I've turned loads of stuff down and same with my friends. Why suffer?

This

This is slightly missing my point, which is that you can't really know whether or not you will enjoy something until you've experienced it, not just googled it.

For example, I absolutely hate the idea of boxing matches. I've seen plenty on TV. But if someone invited me to one for an occasion I'd probably go along just to see what it was like actually being in that atmosphere. The worst that can happen is having an evening I didn't particularly enjoy, hardly the end of the world. Then I'd be secure in the knowledge for future invitations that I really did hate it!

Rave bingo sounds fantastic

But anyway, for a good friends birthday, I'd probably just suck it up

No I wouldn't.

I didn't go to my friends karaoke night birthday recently.

@howaboutchocolate it worries me that people are so willing to be rigid about what they do or don't like, and allow the online echo chamber to validate those decisions, rather than just trying new things now and again.

Yeah I'm not going to bungee jump for anybody. Rave bingo sounds a doddle in comparison 😀

Ok, you’re in quite an unusual position though where it would make you physically ill. Obviously a real friend wouldn’t invite you to something that would make you unwell. But most people are just saying no I wouldn’t if it wasn’t my thing - that is pretty narrow minded and not being a great friend to be honest. It’s nothing to do with age or confidence. I’m willing to risk feeling a bit uncomfortable/embarrassed (and hide it!) if that helps a good friend have a good birthday.

A bottle OT but I think there is a difference in between going to a restaurant for a meal and where you really think you won't like the food, I would still go and try it

Going to a nightclub where the whole night is too loud to talk and all about dancing I would not go

Some people know their limits