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Original poster

Would you go to a friend's birthday even if you HATED the activity?

192 replies

YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 09:09

Just that really!

A friend has chosen a particular activity for her forthcoming birthday. It's something I absolutely hate. My idea of hell on earth. I can't communicate how much it fills me with dread.

Would you still go? I indicated I couldn't make the date and she started talking of changing to a different date. So I need to tackle the issue head on...

OP posts:
Zola1 · 13/03/2023 09:25

Rave bingo is actually really fun, you might be surprised

Mrsjayy · 13/03/2023 09:26

I'd go to rave bingo I would keep my head down though and not get involved in the "raving" but there is other things I wouldn't go to so it obviously depends. If you are not into it just be busy or ill that night and meet up with your friend another time.

TallulahBetty · 13/03/2023 09:26

Is it Bongos Bingo? COMPLETELY your choice, but if it helps, I was dreading going (hate excess drinking, hate noise, hate going out etc etc) but I actually had such a good time.

America12 · 13/03/2023 09:26

I'd apologise and say it's really not my thing 'let me take you out for lunch'

monsterradeliciosa · 13/03/2023 09:27

No. And no friend would expect you to be filled with dread all day. Just take them for a nice meal instead.

TallulahBetty · 13/03/2023 09:27

TallulahBetty · 13/03/2023 09:26

Is it Bongos Bingo? COMPLETELY your choice, but if it helps, I was dreading going (hate excess drinking, hate noise, hate going out etc etc) but I actually had such a good time.

Ignore me - I see 'Rave Bingo' is an actual thing, of which I have no experience. Sorry should have googled BEFORE REPLYING

Schmutter · 13/03/2023 09:28

Sounds horrendous. No, I wouldn’t go.

cheatingcrackers · 13/03/2023 09:28

I’m quite surprised by how many people are saying they would say no… no matter how much I hated an activity, I’d always go along if that was my good friend’s choice. You might surprise yourself and enjoy it.

monsterradeliciosa · 13/03/2023 09:29

Thing is with my friends we plan a birthday thing together and see if everyone likes it. So the fact this hasn't happened suggests they are fine to spend their birthday without you, otherwise you would have been part of the discussions. So just say you don't want to do the activity and will do something else.

It sounds pretty serious. Say my friend organised tarantula holding for her birthday, I'd just say have fun but I absolutely will not be attending.

OxygenthiefexH · 13/03/2023 09:30

Well, pot holing, pole dancing, seafood buffet, hare coursing, nudist colony experience, and design your own Sex toy lesson, are all off the table.

Salverus · 13/03/2023 09:30

cheatingcrackers · 13/03/2023 09:28

I’m quite surprised by how many people are saying they would say no… no matter how much I hated an activity, I’d always go along if that was my good friend’s choice. You might surprise yourself and enjoy it.

Have you been on mumsnet for long?! You'll soon discover that any activity that involves making an effort/noise/any costs/spending an evening away from the laptop is absolutely frowned upon and its very U of the person who invites you to be disappointed that you can't go.

daimtheman · 13/03/2023 09:31

I think mostly I'd suck it up if it was something the birthday person wanted to go. The exceptions would be something I had a phobia of or risked injury. Roller disco, Go Ape etc

Rave Bingo? I mean I'm sure I'd love it but even if I might not I'd still go I think.

Acunningruse · 13/03/2023 09:32

Is it Bongos Bingo? Its meant to be a fab night out! But I can imagine it would be an introvert's idea of hell. I have opted out when a friend was doing an escape room for her birthday (my own personal idea of hell). I just said i dont feel comfortable doing escape rooms as my brain just doesn't work logically. And took her out for afternoon tea instead.

BraveMaeve · 13/03/2023 09:33

America12 · 13/03/2023 09:26

I'd apologise and say it's really not my thing 'let me take you out for lunch'

A friend did that for me for my hen weekend and I thought it was lovely to spend some time with her and that she was honest. I was quite worried about bringing my random friends together for the weekend in case they didn't click and enjoy themselves, so this worked well both ways.

In all honesty I'd probably go unless it was something I was scared of like bungee jumping etc, but the lunch idea is worth a try.

rockingbird · 13/03/2023 09:33

Never do anything your not comfortable with. It's Ok to say no, hopefully if she's a good friend she will understand and all will be fine.

LightDrizzle · 13/03/2023 09:34

No. I’d lie about being unable to attend, and offer to take her out for lunch soon on me and send a gift and card for the day.

I’d only do this if it was something I had a real dread of, rather than just disliking. I’d go to the bingo thing, not looking forward to it, but make an excuse for Go Ape or Karaoke because I’d freeze and really, really, hate it and with the latter, when people are drunk they just won’t leave you alone and even though I’m happy to watch, drink, chat and clap, doubtless not joining in would be painted as the equivalent of me kidnapping the party girl’s family for ransom and chopping off their body parts ON HER. BIRTHDAY!!!

Hooklander · 13/03/2023 09:34

No I wouldn’t go; and in response to the question ‘why not?’ this old gimmer would reply ‘because I really don’t want to’.

The friend should have asked who wants to go with her to her desired activity, not assumed compliance.

riotlady · 13/03/2023 09:36

Best friend, yes, regular friend who wouldn’t miss me too much, no.

MaireadMcSweeney · 13/03/2023 09:36

No.
I swerved a paintball birthday for one of my best friends when we were young enough that people thought paintball would be fun. She came back covered in bruises and filled with regret. No regrets for me.

UsingChangeofName · 13/03/2023 09:38

No.
I'd let them know it wasn't my thing and say I hoped they had a fab time.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 13/03/2023 09:38

I wouldn't go to rave bingo as I have sensory issues plus an ear problem that makes me feel nauseous and disoriented in loud music. And I'd offer to take her out for lunch another day and gift and card then etc.

Iamclearlyamug · 13/03/2023 09:43

Rave bingo sounds like my actual worst nightmare so YANBU

But my friends are very used to me being straight talking and would laugh if I told them I'd rather die than attend (I actually said that last summer when they wanted to go camping 🤣🤣)

If they're a good close friend they'll understand if you're honest about it, and offer to do something else to celebrate on a different date

ScotchOnTheRocksWithATwist · 13/03/2023 09:45

As long as it didn't involve something that I'd be frightened of (because I know i'd be a drama queen and ruin it for everyone else)
But something that's a little out of my comfort zone and not my cup of tea? Yes, I would.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 13/03/2023 09:47

YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 09:14

It's a "rave bingo" event described as being raucous...

Dear god no-I’d rather go to karaoke, and that’s saying something!

RedHelenB · 13/03/2023 09:47

YourPastryNeedsLard · 13/03/2023 09:14

It's a "rave bingo" event described as being raucous...

Have you been to one before? Which bits of ot would you hate? Sonething like that I would go to , sonething that I had a real fear of like sky diving I wouldnt