Did he propose? Am I engaged?

[crymeout]

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

Oh I'd definitely come out and ask him directly, I'm a direct person and if I couldn't be direct with him, I wouldn't marry him.

No. That’s what you’ve decided. That’s your made up rhetoric and your offence taken.

Many women would like a proposal that doesn’t involve their partner making a quip and falling asleep. If you’re happy with that then that’s on you. If the OP is happy with that then yes she’s engaged. She might want to check with her partner when he wakes up though.

Nope. He hasn’t proposed.

What did he say after you said “yes please?” @crymeout?

😂You’ll be told to get back to the 1970s next.

This reminds me of when I used to work in food marketing and we used to look at the biggest meals in the U.K. Everyone would say oh it must be chicken tikka masala and takeaway must be indian. But then looking at the data and by far the biggest meal was roast dinner / meat and two veg and the biggest takeaway was fish and chips. It’s called tradition. And if you look at proposals I would still say by far majority it would be man asking woman, with a question and a ring.

Surely, once you've even discussed and agreed that you'll marry someone at some point, you are technically engaged? That's why it's such an odd concept.

You've agreed to get married so you are engaged, no need to wait for a "proper proposal", that's such an out of date concept. I'd crack on with the arrangements.

No absolutely not. He sounds like he has an intention to get married but that isn’t an actual proposal.

i find the “my partner said he’d marry me, so I took that to be an engagement and planned the whole wedding and we were married 3 months later” people a bit odd and domineering

What’s ‘domineering’ about a mutual agreement to get married and not hang about hinting and looking for concealed ring boxes around Valentine’s Day or Christmas, or any time you’re near a beauty spot or on holiday? The latter seems to me both domineering and pretty undignified.

Meanwhile, over on Reddit or something:

“My girlfriend thinks I proposed last night, and has started planning our wedding. What should I do?”

I’m getting Ross, Joey, Rachel vibes from this OP 😂

I don't understand why some people think a proposal has to be an actual question rather than what two people agree is the next step.

🤣

Lol

Cos otherwise it’s not clear if you are actually engaged or not hence this thread

Propose to him.

Christ some people’s standards are low. As usual on any mumsnet thread that’s engagement related you’ll get posters rushing to say how they agreed to get married whilst emptying the kitchen bin and celebrated with a cup of warm piss and it was the most romantic thing everrrrrr.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a bit of effort made for such an important moment.

In real life, most people I know the man proposed with a bit of thought and effort. The few I know where it was an “agreement” are typically the ones complaining how lazy and unromantic their DH is and I have to say the writing is on the wall if a man can’t even make the effort to make you feel special before you’re married.

I would count this as the proposal in your situation. And I’ve just asked my DH out of interest and he said straight away : Of course, yes. What else would it be? He said that me waiting for something else would surprise him. He would expect me to behave after that as @AnnaMagnani did - get up and crack on with the planning.

I am now genuinely invested in this and want to know what OP’s ‘fiancé’ thinks! OP surely your fiancé is now awake and you can ask him?

That's basically how we did it so imho yes

I think not, but maybe you need to talk to him.

Hanging around waiting for a ring isn’t the opposite of what I said at all though is it. There is a middle ground!

Has he woken up yet? A bunch of strangers on t'internet who have nothing to do with your life are waiting... [tap tap tap]

Lol. Are you living in the 1950’s? 🤣

OP, ask him if he definitely wants to get married, then start making lists and organising stuff. Marriage is about far more than sparkly jewellery or fancy do’s.

My proposal was after DH received a cancer diagnosis and saying “I think we should get married so you have the same surname as DC.” So romantic. 😂

We got married a few months later and he’s still here after chemo, 15 years later. 🥰

Yes, men are mostly simple souls. It would seem distrustful to wait for further clarification.
Modern etiquette is weird. It doesn’t seem to be based on any underlying reality or common values.