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Original poster

Did he propose? Am I engaged?

396 replies

crymeout · 13/03/2023 07:41

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

OP posts:
moofolk · 13/03/2023 08:53

Don't marry someone you can't talk to!

If getting married to him is what you want, t talk properly about it.

Good luck, congrats, etc.

DowntownRegret1 · 13/03/2023 08:54

LesserBohemians · 13/03/2023 08:46

There’s nothing ‘disingenuous’ about these posts. They’re just impatient with the witless passivity of so many Mn posts where women who are adult and intelligent enough to be able to write a post on an Internet forum appear to be mere passengers in their own lives because of some anachronistic, gendered ‘cultural norms and frameworks’.

Show quote history

Eh. If OP had had a conversation that went 'should we get married? Yeah I think we should, how about you? Yes, me too! Great, let's do it' then I would see your point. People are being disingenuous by pretending OP is passively sat back waiting for a grand romantic proposal and saying 'akshually, you've been engaged for ages, ever since you both said you wanted to marry, tHaT's WhAt A pRoPoSaL iS' even though we live in a culture where becoming engaged is an actual decision where both parties understand it's happening and afterwards both parties know they're engaged. Doesn't matter whether it's a joint decision, a discussion, conversation, or a formal one person asking the other to marry them. You're not engaged if you don't know whether you're engaged.

Like it or not, relationships tend to move in discrete stages. You know when you've moved from casual dating to being exclusive to being in a proper committed relationship. You know when you've gone from staying over at one another's houses a lot to moving in properly. You know when you've gone from partners to fiancee/fiance. If you have to ask (someone else, not your partner!) whether your relationship is in any of those 'stages', it isn't.

Posters always take great glee in being the clever clogs to point out that someone is already engaged and just hadn't realised it, if you stick around long enough to watch.

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 08:56

Binfluencer · 13/03/2023 08:51

@Ndd135632

The 70's called and wondered if you could pop back to the decade you clearly belong it?

'Be patient' she's not a child waiting for Christmas, she's an adult entering into a legal arrangement

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Lol. I would love to see the stats for 2023 about % of engagements that don’t involve the question ‘will you marry me?’ and % of engagements that are a woman asking a man. I would bet the figure is still less than 50% even in 2023.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
zurala · 13/03/2023 08:58

I would say yes you are, because otherwise what was he talking about it for?

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 08:59

I think you are now waiting for a formal proposal.

DogInATent · 13/03/2023 09:01

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 08:59

I think you are now waiting for a formal proposal.

Yes, he's probably organising the Coldstream Guards and a flypast by the Red Arrows.

"formal proposal" ffs

Polis · 13/03/2023 09:01

If you are both now actively planning the wedding, I would say definitely yes. Otherwise… possibly, maybe, or no.

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 09:01

Binfluencer · 13/03/2023 08:51

@Ndd135632

The 70's called and wondered if you could pop back to the decade you clearly belong it?

'Be patient' she's not a child waiting for Christmas, she's an adult entering into a legal arrangement

Show quote history

A 2017 jewellery and engagement study done by The Knot shows that less than 1% (just 61 out of 12,657) of brides proposed.

Even lower than I thought. Clearly not just a 1970s thing then…

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 09:03

DogInATent · 13/03/2023 09:01

Yes, he's probably organising the Coldstream Guards and a flypast by the Red Arrows.

"formal proposal" ffs

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How on earth has that upset you enough to say ‘for fuck sake’?

Honestly this site gets weirder by the day.

ClairDeLaLune · 13/03/2023 09:04

I’d say yes, I think he was trying to find the words to propose, you saved him the bother by saying yes please, he probably thought - phew, that’s sorted then!

millymog11 · 13/03/2023 09:04

No I wouldn't say you are engaged from a conversation like that. But even if he thinks you are and I have misjudged this conversation (it is a very personal conversation obviously) if your relationship is still of a type where you cannot actually ask him "hey, did you propose to me last night" or if you don't like those words "hey , did we actually agree to get married last night?" - if those words are too awkward to you to say outloud to him today I would advise you don't marry him in any event (or at the very least, you don't marry him yet).

Zola1 · 13/03/2023 09:05

No i think he just said that's the next big step and you agreed. I'd wait for a ring before thinking i was engaged.

Zarqon · 13/03/2023 09:05

AnnaMagnani · 13/03/2023 07:52

DH gave a similarly vague proposal to me.

I went off and told my parents we were getting married and then he was stuck with it Grin

Following day we picked a venue, married 6 months later.

If you want to be married, take it as a proposal and get cracking.

Do this.

Not every man wants to do a big (cheesy) formal proposal, its very old fashioned imo and my DH was not that type at all. Your DP sounds like he wants to get married and is waiting for you to take the next steps, I don’t mean run off and book wedding but I do mean start talking about when and where, leave wedding magazines about, and ask if he wants to come view a venue. If he wants to get down on one knee and produce a ring at any point during the wedding prep, he’s free to do so, but if he is like my DH then in his head he has told you that a wedding is the next step and is hoping you’ll get him there with the least fuss and cost possible.

Wife2b · 13/03/2023 09:06

It’s an important question, wake him up to clarify 😂

Sirius3030 · 13/03/2023 09:06

AnnaMagnani · 13/03/2023 07:52

DH gave a similarly vague proposal to me.

I went off and told my parents we were getting married and then he was stuck with it Grin

Following day we picked a venue, married 6 months later.

If you want to be married, take it as a proposal and get cracking.

I really wouldn’t do this.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 13/03/2023 09:06

An engagement is a decision between two people of the intention to marry.
If you both have agreed that, then you have been ‘engaged’ for some time.
Not everyone expects or wants a grand gesture, or even a ‘down on one knee’ type formal proposal.
If that is what you would like, and don’t consider yourself to be engaged without the ‘will you marry me’ and a ring, then you are not!

That’s my view, anyway.

DogInATent · 13/03/2023 09:07

RudsyFarmer · 13/03/2023 09:03

How on earth has that upset you enough to say ‘for fuck sake’?

Honestly this site gets weirder by the day.

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It's the absolute passivity. The complete inability to comprehend an adult conversation between two grown-ups where they can agree to a significant event in their lives, Instead it must be a "formal proposal" by him.

BeautifulWar · 13/03/2023 09:07

Not sure what pp thinks a 'proper' proposal is, this was a lovely, intimate moment between the two of you while you were celebrating your house move, it sounds lovely. Its sad that some think a proposal has to be a huge organised thing.

People talk about things all the time though without committing and/or seeing it through, ranging from the 'oh let's go here one day' to the men that string women along with promises of getting engaged/married that never materialise.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that the OP's DP is doing that, but there is a clear difference between vague planning and committing.

WelHong · 13/03/2023 09:07

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 08:50

Can’t you? Even when the vast majority of proposals happen when a man asks a woman to marry her. And many many involve a ring? I don’t know which country you live in but in the U.K. that is still the usual engagement way.

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I'm in the UK. In my experience, it's more a case of couples having an adult conversation about their shared future and deciding that it includes getting married. Then comes the 'deciding when' bit, and going to buy a ring in the majority of cases. I can't think of any cases where the woman has been a passive quasi-Disney-princess in the proceedings.

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 09:08

WelHong · 13/03/2023 09:07

I'm in the UK. In my experience, it's more a case of couples having an adult conversation about their shared future and deciding that it includes getting married. Then comes the 'deciding when' bit, and going to buy a ring in the majority of cases. I can't think of any cases where the woman has been a passive quasi-Disney-princess in the proceedings.

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I would say it’s still usually a question. Will you marry me?

dittbtdity · 13/03/2023 09:09

BuffaloCauliflower · 13/03/2023 07:43

No I wouldn’t assume you’re engaged, just that he thinks the next thing up is getting engaged.

but he said 'next thing to do is get married' - not - 'next thing to do is get engaged'.

I assume that means you are engaged and the next step is the marriage ceremony.

Now that you have a house together you should have the civil ceremony as soon as possible without delay and sort out the party / blessing / religious stuff at leisure. The legal thing is very very important when you own property together.

Take control of the situation and start discussing the marriage plan with him as soon as possible. If he backs off the idea of getting married you need to sort out your house ownership rights (if you have any) with a solicitor.

Anyway, congratulations on your engagement 😄

Wingingit11 · 13/03/2023 09:10

I’d say no it was conversation and personally I’d really avoid him feeling backed into it

Sshiamreading · 13/03/2023 09:12

Dumpruntime · 13/03/2023 08:20

lol no of course not, I can’t believe some folks are desperately trying to twist that into a proposal and formal engagement

op ask him though, you need to talk about it.

Yeah desperate is a good way to describe how eager people are to believe something is a proposal. Lol.

If I said that to a guy and he thought we were engaged I’d be worried.

Sounds like he is likely to propose in future but that is so unclear it is not a proposal

Moveoverdarlin · 13/03/2023 09:15

No.

OheeOheeOh · 13/03/2023 09:15

I'd say no, everyone discusses getting married before actually getting as far as proposing, if you are on different pages there'd be no point. I didn't consider myself engaged (even though I knew I would eventually marry him) until he officially asked with a ring on one knee. He was floating the idea by you, not proposing.

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