Page 6 | Did he propose? Am I engaged?

Liorae · 13/03/2023 09:40

Mammyloveswine · 13/03/2023 07:46

Id say no and if he said it was I'd be disappointed there was no proper proposal!

What's a proper proposal? Are you 13?

ShirleyPhallus · 13/03/2023 09:40

YaWeeFurryBastard · 13/03/2023 09:27

Christ some people’s standards are low. As usual on any mumsnet thread that’s engagement related you’ll get posters rushing to say how they agreed to get married whilst emptying the kitchen bin and celebrated with a cup of warm piss and it was the most romantic thing everrrrrr.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a bit of effort made for such an important moment.

In real life, most people I know the man proposed with a bit of thought and effort. The few I know where it was an “agreement” are typically the ones complaining how lazy and unromantic their DH is and I have to say the writing is on the wall if a man can’t even make the effort to make you feel special before you’re married.

🤣

”we got married in the car park of our local lidl, I wore a bin bag, the rings were tin can ring pulls, the guests drank water from a puddle and ate old crisp packets. We spent £31 and all our guests said it was the best wedding we’ve ever been to. We married for lurrrvvve and anyone who spends more than that is a materialistic witch who’s destined for a short and unhappy marriage”

Bloopsie · 13/03/2023 09:40

crymeout · 13/03/2023 07:41

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

Why dont you ask him?

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 09:43

JackHackettsMac · 13/03/2023 09:38

Lol. Are you living in the 1950’s? 🤣

OP, ask him if he definitely wants to get married, then start making lists and organising stuff. Marriage is about far more than sparkly jewellery or fancy do’s.

My proposal was after DH received a cancer diagnosis and saying “I think we should get married so you have the same surname as DC.” So romantic. 😂

We got married a few months later and he’s still here after chemo, 15 years later. 🥰

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🤣 and now I am in the 1950s!!! Read my other posts. 99% of proposals is the man asking the woman so it’s really not a 1950s phenomenon. I would hazard a guess that the majority is still as a question ‘will you marry me’ and the majority would involve a ring of some sort. It’s an important moment in a relationship and many women still want the effort and romance that comes with that. Even in 2023.

And that’s lovely news about your DH

Maireas · 13/03/2023 09:43

MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 13/03/2023 07:50

You both agreed that you're getting married so I would say you're engaged.

Not sure what pp thinks a 'proper' proposal is, this was a lovely, intimate moment between the two of you while you were celebrating your house move, it sounds lovely. Its sad that some think a proposal has to be a huge organised thing.

I agree. Not everything has to be performative.

Fairydustandsparklylights · 13/03/2023 09:43

Definitely not engaged!! Oh dear. You sound a bit desperate.

Original poster

crymeout · 13/03/2023 09:45

@Ndd135632 nope, he's snoring 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

crymeout · 13/03/2023 09:46

@CalpolDependant 😂😂😂

OP posts:

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 09:49

JackHackettsMac · 13/03/2023 09:38

Lol. Are you living in the 1950’s? 🤣

OP, ask him if he definitely wants to get married, then start making lists and organising stuff. Marriage is about far more than sparkly jewellery or fancy do’s.

My proposal was after DH received a cancer diagnosis and saying “I think we should get married so you have the same surname as DC.” So romantic. 😂

We got married a few months later and he’s still here after chemo, 15 years later. 🥰

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Irony is you think that a man asking a woman to marry him is old fashioned but you are fine to change your surname? 🤔

Maireas · 13/03/2023 09:49

You've both agreed you want to get married, so you're engaged. Congratulations!
Now get planning!

BeautifulWar · 13/03/2023 09:50

Definitely not engaged!! Oh dear. You sound a bit desperate.

No need really, was there?

As the diverse answers here suggest, it doesn't have to be a grand gesture or performative, but it does need to be clear whether it's a concrete plan or a vague 'one day'.

diddl · 13/03/2023 09:51

It does sound as if you've agreed to get married.

If you'd like a ring tell him when you want to go shopping for one.

CrunchyCarrot · 13/03/2023 09:51

If you don't know whether he did or not, then it's clear he did not. Also, he should surely have popped the question properly and better yet, have had a ring ready!

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 13/03/2023 09:52

🤣 and now I am in the 1950s!!! Read my other posts. 99% of proposals is the man asking the woman so it’s really not a 1950s phenomenon. I would hazard a guess that the majority is still as a question ‘will you marry me’ and the majority would involve a ring of some sort. It’s an important moment in a relationship and many women still want the effort and romance that comes with that. Even in 2023.

Maybe going by MN and divorce rates, the effor should be wanted elswere not just on a ring and question....

SerafinasGoose · 13/03/2023 09:52

Mammyloveswine · 13/03/2023 07:58

Then ask him!

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Do it!

As a backdrop, we are probably quite an odd couple! I'd probably cringe at a 'proper proposal', whatever that is. First time round we were merrily inebriated at a friend's barbecue and decided to marry, everything laughing and happy. I reminded him the next morning, asking him if he'd been joking and he said he hadn't. The whole thing was lighthearted, breezy and fun. We chose my ring together.

But after that, life seemed to take over, no thought of a wedding on the horizon, I lost my mum and both grandparents, we were both busy building careers and other things took priority. Five years ticked by, and he suggested we do something amazing to celebrate our ten years together, as they were by that stage. So I proposed to him.

We eloped, and married in one of the most beautiful, romantic cities in the world.

Whether or not you see this as being formally 'engaged' or not, you're embarking on a life together and I wish you every happiness.

xogossipgirlxo · 13/03/2023 09:54

Haha, we had similar story! One day one of us said "I think we should get married, we've been together long enough, time to do it", other agreed and two days after we realised we got engaged 😂Husband surprised me with ring etc. anyway few weeks later.

Liorae · 13/03/2023 09:57

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 09:17

😂You’ll be told to get back to the 1970s next.

This reminds me of when I used to work in food marketing and we used to look at the biggest meals in the U.K. Everyone would say oh it must be chicken tikka masala and takeaway must be indian. But then looking at the data and by far the biggest meal was roast dinner / meat and two veg and the biggest takeaway was fish and chips. It’s called tradition. And if you look at proposals I would still say by far majority it would be man asking woman, with a question and a ring.

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I guess that explains the Mumsnet obsession with "roast dinners". I don't know anyone in real life who eats them.

SlicerAndEcho · 13/03/2023 09:58

I would consider your « yes, please » plus kiss to have sealed the deal.

I dont really understand the pressure put on people to do a « proper proposal ». You just agreed you both want to get married.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/03/2023 09:59

If you have to ask you're not engaged. He's obviously thinking of it fairly soon but not there yet.

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 09:59

bottolololcks · 13/03/2023 08:27

words are cheap
wait for the actions

Surely the preceding discussions and mutual agreement are the most important part.

A flashy staged 'will you marry me' proposal (actions) are just for show. Little real meaning.

In the case of getting married - words, mutual and in agreement between the couple - are far far more important than getting down in one knee and having an expensive ring.

FinallyHere · 13/03/2023 09:59

we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances

As a general rule, to ensure that your time together is as happy as it can possibly be, I would encourage you to have things you agree upon explicitly said.

Don't just guess, make sure you understand each other. It will honestly save hours, in a LTR possibly even months or years of anguish.

bonzaitree · 13/03/2023 10:00

I wouldn’t assume you can tell your family you’re engaged.

Maybe you could ask him if there is a good time to announce it to the family? For example at Easter weekend are you seeing people?

If he says yes let’s tell everyone, then you’re engaged.

Any hesitance then he will be waiting to do a formal proposal!

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 10:02

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 13/03/2023 09:52

🤣 and now I am in the 1950s!!! Read my other posts. 99% of proposals is the man asking the woman so it’s really not a 1950s phenomenon. I would hazard a guess that the majority is still as a question ‘will you marry me’ and the majority would involve a ring of some sort. It’s an important moment in a relationship and many women still want the effort and romance that comes with that. Even in 2023.

Maybe going by MN and divorce rates, the effor should be wanted elswere not just on a ring and question....

You can have both you know! And a man who makes an effort to propose surely would be more likely to make an effort in the marriage.

Glame · 13/03/2023 10:04

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 09:49

Irony is you think that a man asking a woman to marry him is old fashioned but you are fine to change your surname? 🤔

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Wow, could you be any more insensitive?

Male101 · 13/03/2023 10:05

When I proposed . I didnt actually ask her to marry me. But we are married now, so all good

Did he propose? Am I engaged?

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