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Original poster

Did he propose? Am I engaged?

396 replies

crymeout · 13/03/2023 07:41

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 13/03/2023 08:34

Yes you are pretty much engaged, the 'get down on one knee' proposal is very old fashioned I'd hate it!

When he wakes up just tell him you're engaged, and go pick a ring together (if you want one).

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 08:35

I would hazard a guess that the vast majority of the time it’s the man asking the woman. And most of the time there would be a ring. But OP if a traditional proposal is not important to you then ask him yourself.

Toddlerteaplease · 13/03/2023 08:36

Just asks him! If you want to marry him your communication should be good enough to ask a question..

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Mariposa26 · 13/03/2023 08:36

Changingplace · 13/03/2023 08:33

Why does he have to be the one asking? They’re on the same page on this it’s a decision not a question.

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The OP was asking if he’s asked her? She didn’t give any indication that she was planning to ask him… gosh calm down love

bussteward · 13/03/2023 08:38

Engaged just means you’ve agreed to get married, and you have. If you’d already agreed you’d get married after buying a house you were already engaged imo. It doesn’t have to be a “traditional proposal then engagement” scenario. Once you’ve had conversations about it and agreed a timeline, you’re engaged. But I am WILDLY unromantic about such things.

CharitySchmarity · 13/03/2023 08:39

Not sure what pp thinks a 'proper' proposal is, this was a lovely, intimate moment between the two of you while you were celebrating your house move, it sounds lovely. Its sad that some think a proposal has to be a huge organised thing.

To me, a proposal doesn't have to be fancy or organised, but it does have to involve the asking of the question, "will you marry me?" If the question hasn't been asked and answered there's some ambiguity about whether both parties have agreed to get married. The question could be asked by text, on the bus in the middle or rush hour, in bed or in the fanciest venue in the world in front of an audience of thousands, but personally I wouldn't make any assumptions until it has been asked and answered.

You don't have to have a ring to be engaged. You do have to know you are getting married.

DowntownRegret1 · 13/03/2023 08:39

There will be lots of disingenuous 'surely if you've agreed to marry you're engaged? Otherwise what is 'engaged'? Not sure what you're expecting other than that, congrats! You can go book the venue' posts.

However, in the real world, where we exist within cultural norms and frameworks, if you have to ask whether you're engaged or not, you're not.

bussteward · 13/03/2023 08:39

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 08:24

No. He has to ask you properly and usually with a ring. That will happen. Be patient. He simply said next up marriage. But no he hasn’t proposed yet.

In a novel, perhaps. But engagement isn’t an official legal state that only comes into being after being asked properly (whatever that means) and with a ring. They’ve been engaged for ages, ever since agreeing they’d get married at some point.

Glame · 13/03/2023 08:42

Yes! Of course it was a proposal, and a lovely one at that.

creekingmillenial · 13/03/2023 08:42

There’s a potential for a ‘recollections may vary’ situation but also he could be genuinely thinking soon. I guess it’s all about what he means which you will only know from asking him! Have a good day OP.

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 08:43

bussteward · 13/03/2023 08:39

In a novel, perhaps. But engagement isn’t an official legal state that only comes into being after being asked properly (whatever that means) and with a ring. They’ve been engaged for ages, ever since agreeing they’d get married at some point.

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No it’s not a legal state but it is a defining moment in your relationship. Like being a boyfriend and girlfriend also is a defining moment - distinct from just being a casual shag. And it is a moment that you tend to announce to friends and family. And then you start thinking about a date etc. I would be very surprised if OP’s boyfriend through that he was engaged. But OP do let us know if he thinks that was the proposal.

DogInATent · 13/03/2023 08:43

Stop being so bloody passive. Ask him - and I don't mean some mealy-mouthed question about what was said last night. Ask him to marry you, It doesn't need bended knee, and it doesn't even need a ring.

Thisisformathilda · 13/03/2023 08:44

Drink was taken, nice little moment between you but if you have to ask this morning if you are engaged...no, you are not.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 13/03/2023 08:46

Think if you have to wonder, maybe not, but it’s up the top of the to-do list?

LesserBohemians · 13/03/2023 08:46

DowntownRegret1 · 13/03/2023 08:39

There will be lots of disingenuous 'surely if you've agreed to marry you're engaged? Otherwise what is 'engaged'? Not sure what you're expecting other than that, congrats! You can go book the venue' posts.

However, in the real world, where we exist within cultural norms and frameworks, if you have to ask whether you're engaged or not, you're not.

There’s nothing ‘disingenuous’ about these posts. They’re just impatient with the witless passivity of so many Mn posts where women who are adult and intelligent enough to be able to write a post on an Internet forum appear to be mere passengers in their own lives because of some anachronistic, gendered ‘cultural norms and frameworks’.

TheOGCCL · 13/03/2023 08:46

Not a proposal but you are clearly committed to marry each other so I’d call that engaged. People get too hung up on proposals.

I would be starting to make plans for the wedding.

Purplesparkly · 13/03/2023 08:46

It feels like proposals and engagements are so out of step with modern living. Fine if people want to indulge in the historic symbolism but having already bought a house together, it seems a bit weird to be questioning whether you’re engaged or not. Just crack on with the next legal commitment!

DowntownRegret1 · 13/03/2023 08:47

bussteward · 13/03/2023 08:39

In a novel, perhaps. But engagement isn’t an official legal state that only comes into being after being asked properly (whatever that means) and with a ring. They’ve been engaged for ages, ever since agreeing they’d get married at some point.

Show quote history

You can't be engaged on a technicality despite neither party realising lol.

WelHong · 13/03/2023 08:47

I can't believe that women are going on about "proper proposals" and rings in 2023 (not you, OP).

Glame · 13/03/2023 08:48

When are you waking him up @crymeout?

PhoenixAuntie · 13/03/2023 08:49

It is not a proposal but you have both declared serious intent.

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 08:50

WelHong · 13/03/2023 08:47

I can't believe that women are going on about "proper proposals" and rings in 2023 (not you, OP).

Can’t you? Even when the vast majority of proposals happen when a man asks a woman to marry her. And many many involve a ring? I don’t know which country you live in but in the U.K. that is still the usual engagement way.

Binfluencer · 13/03/2023 08:51

Ndd135632 · 13/03/2023 08:24

No. He has to ask you properly and usually with a ring. That will happen. Be patient. He simply said next up marriage. But no he hasn’t proposed yet.

@Ndd135632

The 70's called and wondered if you could pop back to the decade you clearly belong it?

'Be patient' she's not a child waiting for Christmas, she's an adult entering into a legal arrangement

shockthemonkey · 13/03/2023 08:51

You're engaged, in my book. Congratulations! You can buy the ring together, which is how my OH and I did it.

Justalittlebitduckling · 13/03/2023 08:52

I think there would still be a more explicit engagement. If you’re not sure I don’t think it’s definite.

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