Did he propose? Am I engaged?

[crymeout]

DP and I are in the process of buying a house. We've talked about getting married before and wanting to be married but we are going to wait until we move (we never explicitly said this but it was understood by both from circumstances). Last night, we were celebrating our house purchase (I wasn't feeling well at the weekend) and had quite a lot of Prosecco/champagne. At one point DP says 'now all that's left to do is get married' and I said 'yes, please' and we kissed. Does that count? A, I now engaged? DP is fast asleep so can't ask him yet but would you say that counts/assume you were engaged after that??

Nope he hasn't proposed yet. Though he clearly think that's the logical next step. But you are not engaged.

OP, I sense your excitement.

Him asking is important to you. It’s not important to everyone on this thread. That’s fine.

So now you have to wait and be patient. It’s good to have had the conversation so you’re both clear on what you want and where you stand with each other. It’s that lack of clarity that’s really hard for lots of people.

Personally, I don’t see ‘engaged’ as a status in itself, but ‘engaged to be married’ is, which involves a plan to marry, usually with some kind of timeframe, even if a bit loose.

So, assuming you take engaged to actually mean a plan to get married, I’d say you have both agreed that’s your plan. He wants an occasion where that is marked…wants to do what he considers romantic. That’s fine…some people want that and others don’t. So for him, doing that is important and until it happens he won’t consider you’re engaged. And you’ve accepted and gone along with that. All good.

I think that the phrase people used to use that ‘you have an understanding’ is exactly wheee you are. There hasn’t been a formal event and announcement, but you both intend to get married. And that’s certainly a step forward and actually really the thing that matters more than a formal engagement. So congratulations on your understanding and the fact that conversation which you initiated has helped to confirm it and settle your mind. You can look to the future knowing the marriage you hoped for is very much on the cards.

Though he clearly think that's the logical next step.

I think he thinks he’s done it.

I’m glad you have an understanding. Remember that once he has proposed, it’s the bride’s prerogative to set the date.

Congratulations Op ☺️
Very exciting!

Awww OP I love how excited you are to get engaged and married! It really is so lovely that you're so I love and happy ☺️

I love this update! I can't wait to hear all about when he proposes 🥰

So your update is that you’re not engaged, he thinks you’re ‘rushing’ him, and now you have to be a good girl and be patient until he decides to do something ‘very romantic’, despite the fact that you’ve both explicitly agreed you’re going to marry one another, but are nonetheless not engaged?

But until he asks, I guess I'm engaged to be engaged

I honestly can’t get my head round how in this day and age women still seem happy to defer a huge life decision to a man to make, if you genuinely want to get married this year even in a small low key ceremony you’ll need to get it booked from a practical perspective.

I don’t see what’s ‘romantic’ about sitting about aimlessly waiting for him to validate a decision you’ve both made, deciding to get married means you’re engaged, he’s just backtracking now and I fail to see why you both assume his timeline is of more importance than yours, sets a tone for the whole relationship imo.

When you say ‘our kids’ are they kids you two have had together?
I tried to resist asking.

Totally agree.

A traditional proposal at this stage would probably be to send the boys round: brothers, father, uncles, hired heavies (to him from you obviously) whoever’s willing.

Wishing you many years of happiness together.

Or Mr Darcy, of course. He sorted things for Lydia.

@WhatWouldJeevesDo why do you ask? If it makes any difference, I'll happily tell you

It weakens your position that he already has children, but if you’ve had children with him and he’s still saying ‘give me a chance’ then what kind of man is he?

@WhatWouldJeevesDo ah I see, thanks for answering. No, we have children separately, so 'our kids' refers to the children we have between us, not together

@WhatWouldJeevesDo the coffee cup was accidental, sorry, I'm used to mning on my phone, not tablet.

Have either of you been married before? Again, no need to say either way if you don’t want to.
I guess the fact you both have kids outs you in the same position. Do they all live with you or some of the time/most of the time? Just asking, because all that stuff can change the dynamic considerably. I’d imagine your kids are with you most of the time, but his are with their mum most of time, but of course it might not be like this.
We don’t know if either of you or both of you have been married before or what things in the past might have impacted either if your attitudes towards marriage. But from what you say, you both sound in the same page. Hopefully, the conversations you reported here sound genuine to you, and not just your wishful thinking….and he really is preparing to ask you and marry you.

@crymeout I was hoping that was the case.
Coffee is acceptable any time.

I'm no expert in these matters and I may be guilty of having rose tinted glasses, but it's sounding to me like you're unofficially engaged, and will be doing something special (that he's organising as a surprise) to make it official. You just can't tell anyone yet (except all of us ).

He would be a total arse not to follow through with a proposal!

Sounds lovely to me and very exciting! Congratulations 🎊

Ugh where do men get this stupid idea from, that they want to propose “in a romantic way” and for it to “be a surprise”.

Newsflash, for any men reading:

• there is nothing romantic about being strung along waiting by someone who says he wants to marry you but doesn’t want to get engaged yet (wtf)
• if you’re in a long term relationship, it ain’t a surprise. Not even a little bit.